FAB & GLAM 10 - Gosh, Do We Really Talk That Much???

[Dumbledior]

Hi, new thread

Lovely to see all the old posters again. Don't go now you are back.

Annie/UC/MHIS - lovely to see you and thanks MHIS for the FB chat.

oh, and TFM, thank you SO much for offering to help my friend. I'll ask her to get in touch. She's ever so nice, very intelligent but very unassuming - I suspect, low self-esteem, but we'll soon sort that out, won't we

And lol at you and the Man - of course your hormones are reviving. Not all Men are Twatman!!

Hi Tanee! I just so love Twatman!! It suits him perfectly but we can all share, we can have Twatman1, Twatman2 and so on. But please, can mine be 'The Original' Twatman!

And I agree with everything you say, he does see both DD and I as possessions. He is a narcissist without doubt! I am going to try and not give him any headspace at all for the rest of the week. I am going to minimise him! DD has her first midweek overnight contact tonight so I'm going to get myself a pear cider and some pringles!!

I second your advice for the soapy water for getting rid of the bugs, I don't really like using chemicals in the garden, for one they cost a fortune and two they stink! The mild green one is much more pleasant, kills the bugs but it's kind to their skin

I hope you have recovered from your horrendous journey! All I have to say on the matter is that you are either brave or mad! I'm glad I don't have a car at the moment, I'm quite liking going on the busbeing chauffeur driven

I'm looking forward to hearing from your friend, she sounds lovely! xx

Lol TFM, can mine be Twatman 2 then?

Wish I were with you to share the pear cider & Pringles. I'm only just leaving work, having made up the time from this morning. It was nice and quiet on my own, apart from the cheering/jeering coming from the pub downstairs, and I got a lot of work done!

Can you believe, someone has just phoned the office (7.32pm) and not left a message when they got the answerphone? Did they seriously believe someone might answer the phone at this time? Actually, yes. People seem to think politicians and their staff LIVE in the office!

Yes, I use the green stuff too (apple fragrance) on my blackfly (not too much of it this year, a bit on some stems of a philadelphus), but on the whole, I manage without chemicals (too poor and too lazy). I just use wildlife friendly slug pellets when I'm feeling vicious, and hope that the neigbourhood hedgehogs, frogs and ladybirds get the rest.

Yes Tanee, yours can have the title of Twatman2

Twatman the original collected DD without a word to me, just a cats arse face but that's fine, it suits me. I don't want to be his friend any more any way, that was a stupid idea! He is is horrible! He makes Charles Laughton look gorgeous!!

I use salt for the slugs Tanee. Just a circle of salt around the plants, as you would with slug pellets does the trick. It saps all the juice out of their bodies and makes them shrivel up

I wish you were here too! I have already downed two pear ciders and am about to start a third! Not like me at all! Maybe it's the new me!

I feel really happy today. I think the dark cloud that is Twatman may have passed!

"cats arse face" am loving that one!

so much has happened today I don't know where to start!

Tannee - what a horrendous morning! And what an amazing mum you are doing all of that. Your dd is very lucky!
The things we do for our kids though!!

macd that was great advice to TFM. Good to 'see' you, are you ok?

It's so fantastic the support on here and the way everyone steps in to help out when it's needed. Particularly those who don't manage to get on here much anymore. Thinking macd and cash lately in particular, it means a lot xx

Ladylush you have so much good advice. For me and for TFM.
I really don't have much to add to what you said tbh. I think you're right that it's the right type of counselling that matters, and it sounds as though TFM's dd has the measure of him already.

TFM, I agree with you and Annie that perhaps letting things settle for a while is a good idea. You are aware of the CAFCASS lady's concerns and you have some options to consider, but for the moment, dd is feeling secure enough to talk as much or as little as she wants with you. I think that's great and enough.

I too found counselling quite draining, and quite intrusive in that it made me consider and discuss things that I wasn't ready to. Also at times made me over-think, and over-question. When I would have been better off finding some peace and acceptance.
But on the other hand to that, there were times when my counselling and some external reassurance and validation was absolutely what I needed.

I'm sure you will know if/when you or dd want or need some outside support and you can make that decision when the time is right. It sounds like it was extremely useful for macd's dd I think that's really good advice on the sort of options you have.

As for me, although I am now officially a zombie, ds2 settled straight away again tonight
Plus, I have been asked out on a date (far too soon but made me ).
And, although I don't have pear cider I shall join you with a glass of wine TFM!!

I am now on my third pear cider!! And I don't normally drink!!

I agree with you re counselling. I did find it helpful but it did also make me overthink. And for a couple of days afterwards I was really quite depressed but then, once that had gone, I felt great!

As far as DD is concerned though, I think I just needed someone to tell me it's ok not to force counselling on her. I am so hung up on getting it right, not failing her that I want to do what is best for her. What the CAFCASS lady said really hit home and I felt hugely responsible for her BUT, in my heart of hearts I just want to let her be a little girl and enjoy her life just as she is doing now. I am thinking that when she does eventually hit her teenage years she will have had enough time with me alone to be able to suss what is going on with Twatman and not let him affect her. So thank you ladies for helping me with that one. I second everything Baffy has said about the support on this thread

The cats arse face is the one he used to have when he kissed me Baffy. On the rare occasions that he did! Lips so tightly pursed they looked just like a cats arse! Smelled like one too sometimes!

I think you have it all spot on about dd TFM. Definitely

Have you heard from her at all? I tend to enjoy a nice peaceful glass of wine when the boys go to their dads. I enjoy the time to myself, but the house feels so empty it's horrible. I think I'm actually saying I'd rather be battling with ds2 than have such a quiet empty house! Remind me of that next time I'm moaning!

Still about the cider!!

No, I've not heard from her. He doesn't let her contact me when she is with him. I used to send her text messages to his phone but he never passed them on so I say all I have to say now before she goes.

As far as enjoying my time when she goes to his, that is exactly what I plan to do. it has taken me all this time to get used to it though. Especially when we were in refuge, I hated it when she wasn't around but now I am going to use the time effectively. Tonight I had pringles for tea and have drunk pear cider but as I get established I plan to go out! Yes, TFM is planning to go out!! It's been a long time since I went out! I'm not going to sit and wallow while she isn't here, thats a waste of good time so I am going to plan to do something nice, just for me on every contact visit. I'm getting to know 'me' again and I like it!!

When I have carpets Baffy and wallpaper on the walls you can come and stay with me and we will have pear cider and pringles!!

Can't wait!!

Ooh, can I come too? Only we'd have to try not to talk about Twatman1, 2 & 3 .

I'm home, have had a lovely bath, some left over cheesy potato salad for supper and a cool glass of chardonnay. Yum. DD texted that they've got their tent up with the help of some nice Aussies (hmm - two girls alone with all those MEN!) - she says she'll never go camping again but I hope she actually IS having a good time in a field with the Aussies and their alcopops. As I said, she's always been a 'glass half empty' girl. I am trying to retrain her. The whole experience of driving round and round Brent X this morning now feels quite surreal. Just hope there weren't traffic cameras to capture some of my crazy maneouvres - I was driving like a mad woman! and I'm normally a reasonably good driver! I actually crossed a reservation to reach another lane, I was that desperate - and STILL couldn't find the bus stop !

TFM salted slugs? Noooo!!! I did it once, many years ago, in my Dad's garden. It was such a horrible sight, I felt like a torturer and vowed never to use salt again. Mind you, don't know how much the pellets hurt, but at least I don't have to watch.

Baffy, sounds like your controlled sleep training is working well. and yes, isn't it great to see some of the old teabags popping out to say hallo and offer their advice. Hi Cash & McD - McD, it would be great to meet you again some time.

Good morning Ladies. Just passing the time while I wait for Twatman and his cats arse face to bring DD home. Such a loverleeee start to the day

Tanee, YES! Of course you can come!

I must be a bit of a sadist because I quite enjoy watching salted slugs shrivel especially when they have been at my plants!! I mean, what purpose do slugs actually serve apart from to put holes in veg, eat plants and leave a horrible trail of slime where ever they go? Birds eat them though don't they so I figure by salting the slugs I am making them a much tastier meal for the birds!

I'm pleased you had a nice evening after your driving experience lol! I wish I had been behind the camera that day!

Why do slugs need to have a purpose? That's egocentric thinking you know, to judge everything by its utility to yourself. That's what Twatman does to you. Slugs are alive, that's all the reason they need. Sometimes we have to get rid of things that impact badly on us (garden pests, man-eating tigers, ex-partners) but as civilised beings we can choose to do it kindly. We have the technology!

[frowns severely at slug-torturer]

Slug pellets are not kind Annie! They poison the slug and give a slow death. All that poison can't be very good for the birds either. That's my reckoning anyway. And I was being humorous rather than serious

Ugh I hate slugs and have no compunction about them dying a slow death - just would prefer it to be out of sight. Sorry Annie - I am evil I once used beer as bait. Oh the smell It took my breath away......rancid decomposed slugs lying in cheap beer. What a way to go.

Blackfly - now starting on my dahlias. Bastards. I must buy a spray bottle today and blitz the plants with some soapy water. Any soap ok? Washing up liquid?

Baffy - v kind of you to say I've had some great advice here and on the thread I started anonymously after I discovered h had been having an affair. Just repaying my debt ds is getting on brilliantly isn't he Well done!

Tanee that drive to Brent X - what a nightmare! And all in vain too Glad dd got to the festival though and hopefully her glass half empty outlook will change when she is having fun listening to bands with lots of full glasses of alcoholic beverages Hope you manage to get a gp appt. sorted soon.

TFM hope you are enjoying the sunshine in your garden I think your plan to do something nice for yourself when dd is at twatman's is a good one How's your alarm doing?

Thanks for advice on eradicating the blackfly. If anyone has any tips on doing it more viciously, please don't hesitate to say . Yes I know I'm childish

When are we doing a meet up then?

Oh and Baffy - how nice being asked out on a date Hopefully one day you will be able to accept an offer like that and enjoy it without a hint of sadness about h.

Yes LL, washing up liquid does the trick. As for slugs there was a guy on the course I recently completed who used to give a daily update on his murder of slugs. He used get up really early then go out with his 'slug tool' which was a fork strapped to a long stick, he would stab the slugs then put them in a carrier bag in his neighbours bin! Now that is cruel. Poor neighbour

My alarm is working just fine thank you

Right, I'm off to give some thought to your blackfly problem.....

Now that is cruel - even I couldn't do that. I assume he hated his neighbour as much as he hated the slugs?

I've got it!! A clear screen coated in sellotape. Blackfly spots plants, eyes light up and it zooms in.... WHACK hits sellotape screen head on! Face stuck to sellotape, beady eyes can see plants but fly can't get to them. Torture!

Eugh slugs. They make me feel sick, vile disgusting creatures. I don't care what purpose they serve they are nasty horrid things and the nastier the death the better!!
TFM - I don't think it will be long before a nice man (without a catsbum face) will come along. You look stunning in your FB photos and you are such an amazing funny lady, whoever he is will be getting quite a catch!!
Baffy - well done with the sleeping. I have to shake my two out of bed every morning, they would sleep all day if I let them.
Tannee - How lucky is your dd. I'd love to be that age again going to Glastonbury and getting chatted up by hunky Aussies I've never been there although I'd still really love to. Maybe next year eh?
Nice to 'see' MacD and Cash again.
Must be time for another meet up isn't it? After the Christmas one was snowed off we are way overdue!

Awh Ginny, Thank you!! xx

How would I erect the clear screen? Just in front of the plant?

yes LL, that's the plan

When I'm gardening I fling all my slugs and snails into my neighbours garden.
She deserves it - she is a horrible horibble woman!

Don't think I could bag them up and put them in her bin though - that's a bit too mean!

I used to do that too Ginny, throw them into the neighbours garden. Well, it was a wild garden anyway so I figured they would be happier there. I couldn't do the stabbing, bagging, binning thing either!

You're all very wicked women, and I thought you seemed so nice!

When I used to do my dad's garden, I'd kill slugs by squashing them between bricks. The theory was it was probably pretty quick. Greenfly/blackfly, dad poisoned them, which made the roses smell nasty. He poisoned the beans too - I hope my mother was careful about washing them! I tended to just squish aphids with my thumb. Getting a bit squeamish in me old age though - the only things I don't mind killing are mosquitoes. I'm even a bit sorry for clothes moths (though I don't let them off).

There's probably a law against putting stuff in other people's bins. At least there ought to be. Plus I'm not sure how happy the council would be about collecting half-dead slugs with the household rubbish. They're fussy enough about grass cuttings.