FAB & GLAM 10 - Gosh, Do We Really Talk That Much???

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Hi, new thread

Lovely to see all the old posters again. Don't go now you are back.

Annie/UC/MHIS - lovely to see you and thanks MHIS for the FB chat.

Hi everyone.
TFM - congratulations on the move. It is so wonderful to have your own house with your own front door isn't it. Don't let him bother you anymore, he's history and he knows it, that is why he is stepping the nastiness up a gear, he wants to pull the rug from under you, but he can't. Good on you and DD - you've come such a long way.
Hi Tannee - hope dd does well in her exams. Is she still living with your parents or has she moved home again yet?
HW - my 10 year old ds is being like a stroppy teenager at the moment so I feel your pain, my Mum says its karma because that's exactly what I was like at his age!
Has anyone heard from Baffy? I hope she's OK.
Well I have now reached the big 4-0. DP threw me an amazing party on Saturday night, he really pulled out all the stops and it was a night I'll always remember. He even helped the boys write me a poem which ds2 read out to everyone on the night. It was all quite emotional. For all my moaning about him and his issues with drink, he is an absolute star when it matters.

Hi everyone

Thank you Ginny and yes, it is wonderful to have my own front door. I'm one week and one day in and I'm still on cloud nine. I love this house, I really do.

Well, I saw my solicitor today. He is fantastic and I am going to keep him forever! I was worried at first when I found out I was seeing a man, I didn't think he would be as understanding but he was, he was wonderful.

He had 'he who shall not me mentioned' sussed as soon as I had finished talking, said he is indicative of an abusive man who has lost control. In short he doesn't stand a chance of getting a court order to stop DD moving school, solicitor says if he wants to try then by all means we will let him but it will cost him a few grand

He is going to send him a letter setting things out and warning him off giving me any more abuse or grief. On the one had I feel good about that, pleased to be standing up to him and not letting him push me about but on the other hand I am scared. I'm scared of how he will react and what he will do next. But I suppose by being scared I am still letting him control me so that is something I should really try to put out of my head. Still got no letter from his solicitor. Obviously his isn't as good as mine!

Ginny, I have seen your photo's on FB and you look absolutely gorgeous!! Truly stunning. I am so pleased you had a lovely birthday, you deserve it. And welcome to the norty forties!!

Tanee I have a dongle for my internet so we can resume emailing!

Love to everyone else xx

Yeah, TFM's got a dongle!!!! I knew she was a hairy biker after all!

TFM, you probs haven't heard from WhatisFace's solicitor because said solicitor has also told him he hasn't got a cat in hell's chance. After all, it's not like you're planning to sell DD into the slave trade! Your solicitor sounds fab.

Annie, glad you're better. LOL at your ex doing the same thing. What WOULD these men do if they had to deal with all the stuff we women manage on a day to day basis? I appreciate it IS frustrating dealing with automatic call centres, internet problems etc, but hey, that's modern life - deal with it, or move to some distant desert island!

Ginnny, good to hear from you - I was wondering about you this morning. Happy Birthday! Glad DP gave you a happy day with the dss. Thanks for asking after DD. Yes, so far it seems like she's done well - at least, she was happy with her art and photography exams. No, she's still at my parents and like to stay there unless DP either gets some therapy going to deal with his issues with her, or moves out. I'm trying to work up to having a hard talk with DP but haven't done it yet. I think that's why I've been feeling so tired lately - not stress about work now, but just wondering how to tackle Him Indoors.

Tanee!! My dongle is wonderful!

You know, I have a feeling you could be right about 'he who shall not be mentioned' and his solicitors letter. Surely I would have received it by now? Which means he could have lied to me (again) to cause me to react, which I have, so that he can claim victim status. I don't know if I have already mentioned this, mental fatigue has hit me like a sledge hammer today, but my counsellor did say that I may have been far too reasonable for his liking, that he needs the fight, the drama. Maybe she is right.

Tanee!! Have you not had that word with him indoors yet!

TFM no, haven't had the talk truly ashamed of myself and feel I've lost the moment - yet again! I think that's why I've felt so exhausted lately. The only time I got any energy is when I force myself out into the garden! I need a good slapping, I know. I look at him and think, am I really enjoying his company any more? For brief minutes, yes, but most of the time, no, not really, we are living in a doldrums.

I'm doing a bit of research to see if I can afford to buy him out at least in part - at least raise enough money to get him to move out, since it's plain he can't afford to do it himself, and won't/can't camp out with any friends. Even if it means I have to take in a permanent lodger to pay off a large loan, it'll be worth it to get DD back! You see, I don't really want to end the relationship completely - not yet - but neither do I feel I can live this way indefinitely. It's not what I expected or wanted, when we got together. It might not come to having to do it, but at least if I have some figures in hand, I'll be able to bargain with him, with some authority.

Probs a really bad idea, huh?

Sounds like a good idea to me tannee. it will give you both some space to think and you get some time with dd before she flies the nest. Also he will have time to miss you and think about what he should be doing to make you happy.

Well, a bailiff knocked on my lovely front door yesterday and very kindly served me court papers. I am to attend court tomorrow so that he who shall not be mentioned can attempt to stop me from moving DD into the local school. Great eh?

Well it sounds as though it will be great for me. According to my solicitor he doesn't stand a chance of getting his own way and in the words of my solicitor he has now opened a very large can of worms as the domestic violence is going to be brought into play. AND, it's going to cost he who shall not be mentioned thousands of pounds for the privilege. The fool. The controlling abusive fool!

I was so looking forward to spending half term with DD in our new home, exploring the village, sitting in the garden etc. Instead she has spent the large majority of it sitting in reception of my solicitors. The poor little thing. I do hope he will be very proud of himself when all of this is over.

I do hope everyone else is ok.

Lots of love from a very despondent TFM xx

Aww, poor TFM, and poor DD . It's not nice for her, but I'm sure there are some useful lessons to be got out of it, such as patience, and the right way to fight for what she wants, and who really loves her.

This is a hard time, but you have to go through it for now to make a proper break by the end. You're such a naturally cheerful soul, I'm sure this won't get you down for long. The village and garden will still be there when he's long gone. Shame about wasting this lovely week, but you have the summer to come, and he won't be able to keep you running about on his account the whole time. It's the last desperate thrashings of a control freak. With any luck, losing this round will take the wind out of his sails. You never can tell whether someone who isn't quite normal will decide to be sensible, of course, but the law won't let him keep using it to harass you.

Oh Ginnny, meant to say a belated HB. A former colleague, a very sensible and switched-on lady, said although the 40s are all very well, life begins etc, she found her 50s were even better. So you've got a while to go before you really start enjoying yourself!

Tanee, XH is doing his own version of moving to a desert island. He found running his own household a bit much, so he's selling up and "going on the road". Hope he doesn't think he's going to park outside my house.

Thank you Annie and every word you speak is so right and your post has given me a little glow in my tummy! Especially the bit about making that final break, that sounds wonderful. Then I really can enjoy the summer in my new house, with my lovely garden. What a nice thought.

I feel so sorry for DD. She keeps asking why dad is doing this when she wants to go to her new school. She gave a list of her favourite people today, I was at the top but her father wasn't even on the list. She said "I've not put dad on the list because he isn't being very nice so he isn't one of my favourite people". I wish he could see the damage he is doing, all in the name of control.

PMSL at "Hope he doesn't think he's going to park outside my house"

Good luck TFM for tomorrow - will keep everything crossed for you.

DH is claiming he is depressed at the moment - I am taking my cue from advice given to Tannee and not pandering to his moods at the moment.

I think because i have changed he is finding it hard to feel in control.

Thank you HW

It went quite well actually. His argument was very weak and my solicitor basically wiped the floor with him. It didn't help that he had lied to his own solicitor and told them it was me who had instigated the move of school. His solicitor was a bit thrown after that and didn't appear very confident.

The judge took a dim view of the DV and understood my reasons for refusing a vehicle provided by him and under his control.

So, the upshot was that he lost! His orders were denied! DD is to attend her new school on Monday

The judge has ordered though that CAFCASS become involved but my solicitor thinks that is to measure the effect the DV has had on DD and I am pleased that will be happening. I have lot's of concerns that I have never felt confident enough to raise but now I have the opportunity. Just as my solicitor said, he has done himself no favours at all and has opened a HUGE can of worms!

I am now putting my foot down completely and going for a strict contact agreement and maintenance. He is going to be hit full on now! I am not going to be bullied by that man any more!

Hope every one else is ok xxx

Go TFM. By doing this he is showing himself up for the bully that he is.
Never mind half term week - you and DD have the rest of your lives and loads of holidays to enjoy together, at the end of the day its his loss, he's a fool and one day he'll realise what he's lost, and all through his own stupidity
Thanks for that Annie - I've just got my head around being 40. 50 seems millions of years away. .
I hope you all have a good weekend in the sun. We are going camping tomorrow, I'm not keen as I like my home comforts and a night in a tent isn't really my cup of tea but I'm sure I'll make the best of it and the boys are beside themselves with excitement so hopefully it will rub off on me!

Just sneaking a quick post to give TFM a big whoop for being so brave and sticking up for herself and DD! Hopefully he got his arse kicked so badly, he'll scuttle off with his tail between his legs! You did great girl - I'm sure I speak for all when I say "woooohoooooo"!

Oh thank goodness, TFM. He's really shown his true colours now, and as you say, CAFCASS involvement can only work in your favour in this case. You may have found it hard in the past to fight for yourself, but you have all the strength in the world when you fight for your daughter.

HW, pack the bugger off to the GPs for some little pills. Bet he starts saying ah but he's not THAT depressed...

Ginnny: eww, camping! My dad used to do this to us and I wondered why my mum would insist on spending at least one night in a B&B with a bath - until I got older. Tried a couple of camping holidays pre DCs, then wondered why I was doing this to myself. If it ain't got hot running water and a flush toilet under the same roof I don't want any part of it.

Hello girls! I have been AWOL on here for ages, but I wanted to catch up with you all.

TFM - you are an absolute inspiration. I can't say more than that really.

Tanee - hooray re job.

Ginny - happy belated birthday. I loved turning 40 - I feel so different to how I was last year. 40 really does seem to have been my turning point.

Hi all others!

I have got in touch with the area manager for WW and am meeting her in two weeks, to discuss becoming a leader again. I am 11 lbs over the top of my weight range but she says that I can start the training before I get there, so as to be ready to take meetings as soon as I am. I feel all excited. I will continue to lose more after I start as I wanted to get the the middle of my range, rather than the top.

I am having counselling every week, which does make me feel a bit introspective at times, BUT I am generally happier with life. I have cancelled my gym membership so that ds can do karate, but am walking a lot to try ans make up for it. I have lost 3.5 stone, which makes me a size 12, so I look normal again, which helps with confidence!

Jewellery making is going fairly well too. I am bracnhing off into something that I will tell you about in a couple of months.

I will catch up again soon - most of you are FB friends, so do keep in touch that way if you can/want.

Actually i think he may really be depressed.
He is going to see the GP and probably will be taking some little pills!!
He is very down - but i find it hard to give him the sympathy he needs.

What i tend to think is that he is not happy with 'us'. so i just ignore his moaning about life in general.

I cant let myself worry about his problems too and i am not giving him any of my energy at the moment. I think that is why he is finding it hard - in the past he has been able to lean on me a lot more and i have sorted out a lot of the 'everyday' problems - now of course he sees i do actually have a life that does not revolve solely around him and his needs and wants.

Well done dior - will i recognise you now - send some of your willpower my way please.

Good Morning ladies

Well, my DD is all ready for her first day at her new school. Bless her, she is really excited, a little nervous but still looking forward to it. I cannot believe the changes in her since we left 'him', she wouldn't say boo to a goose back then and here she is, happy to be going to a new school. I just love her so much. And she looks lovely in her new uniform

He rang her last night, pre arranged call via solicitors, but not once did he wish her a good day at her new school, he didn't even mention it. He does not deserve this child. She did get him to say we can have the rabbit back though, he hasn't let us take her up until now but she gave him what for on the phone and he agreed

HW I think you are doing great and doing the right thing. Maybe your H is missing being on that pedestal you used to have him on. The view from the ground floor isn't quite as breath taking as it is from above

Thank you Dior and blooming well done on your achievements. YOU are an inspiration too, you sound like a different person!!

love to everyone else xxx

Hope she has the best day EVER today TFM.

Oh, and HW - yes you will recognise me - I'm still stunningly beautiful...

Hi everyone,

TFM - GOOD FOR YOU!!! The tide has turned your way. Looks like his last little bit of control left, is keeping your rabbit - even if all he feeds him on is dandelions. Good for DD too. You are both growing in strength, now watch him diminishing into a teeny little dot . Hope DD enjoyed her first day at the new school - glad to hear your solicitor wiped the floor with him - I would have loved to see that.

HW oh no, poor you and poor DH - I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy! But thank goodness he's going to the GP sooner rather than later. That's all I wish my DP would do. Hope yours gets the help he needs. Sounds like he's finding it hard to adjust to the new you and the new 'we'.

Dior - lord love you, you sound like you're doing fine . It all sounds good at your end, and wow, you must look more like Ms Hurley than ever . I wish I were a size 12 - I feel like I look 8 months pregnant atm. Now, when are we going to have that lunch with HW and anyone else free?

Ginnny, the 40s are great. I had more fun in my 40s than in my 20s. 50s are being more of a challenge, but that's due to the probs with DP. In myself, I still feel great.

In that case my apologies and best wishes to Mr Happy. Hope he is soon on an even keel again.

Helloooooo!

Just checking in very quickly. Am back at my mum's and back online so can finally catch up

TFM you are doing amazingly well and I will reply to your email later. I am so proud of you!!

Ginny happy belated birthday!

HW - did you say at one point 'does anyone want to swap'?! As in children?? Can we swap my ds2 for your dd. Stoppy teenager versus 11 month old baby who still thinks sleep is the worst idea in the world... would love to!

Dior, you sound like you're doing great too!

And Annie - how are you? How's your back?

Tannee - are you ok, and dd? I do hope so.

CASH!! Can't believe I saw a sneaky post from you on here too! How's things? Are the dc ok??

And MHIS - amazing to see you so happy. Great news!

I'm sure I've missed lots so off to read properly... catch up later

I will catch up properly soon, hopefully later tonight. Lovely to 'see' you all!

Hi Baffy

Back in your mums ?? As in your are single.
Missed you here so hope you are back for good.

Yes I would swap - those hormones have a lot to answer for you know.

Life here is just too busy to actually think about any problems .

H still hasnt gone to GP - I wonder if it was/is a bit of a 'victim' act. He does have some other health issues too and i do know that he is worried about going. However i am not going to go down that road again and become his mum and check up on him that he has actually made the appointment etc.
Not sure how long i can put up with him without his 'life' iyswim.
It is not like him he is usually the life and soul of any situations. Still i cant make him go to the dr can I?