FAB & GLAM 10 - Gosh, Do We Really Talk That Much???

[Dumbledior]

Hi, new thread

Lovely to see all the old posters again. Don't go now you are back.

Annie/UC/MHIS - lovely to see you and thanks MHIS for the FB chat.

Poor you Annie - back pain is terrible Hope you feel better soon. Are you taking any medication for it?

Only some ibuprofen for the time being.

400mg? Is it working?

Yes, and it is helping.

Good You could try heat pads as well. I'd advise you to avoid codeine as you can develop tolerance quite quickly.

Thanks a lot for the tips

You're welcome Hope it eases up soon

Have I killed the thread?

Hey, that's some advanced guilt complex you have, LL! Definitely not your fault! If blame must be apportioned, blame me for lack of update. Back is feeling quite a bit better, since you (were going to) ask . Found my wheat pack and borrowed a cold pack from my sister, which helped a lot. Still no sign of the osteopath - am guessing she's been on holiday or possibly kidnapped by aliens, which happens a lot round our way.

Actually I was going to ask but thought it pointless if the thread was dead Glad your back is much better
Glorious weather eh. Had a lovely weekend - you?

And yes - I do have a massive guilt complex

Hi everyone

Well, I am now living in my own little house! Cried buckets when I left the refuge, that has been the most wonderful experience of my life but, it's also wonderful to have my own house. Both DD and I are very very happy!

It's not without drama though. He who shall not be mentioned is causing me a few headaches, taking me to court for moving DD into the local school being one of them, despite it being at his request that she be moved following this weeks half term!! Now he has changed his mind and wants me to travel and 8 mile round trip each day to continue taking her to her old school. I don't have transport so the looney is insisting that he is going to buy me a car and is adamant that I will take it!! The new school is literally a 5 minute walk away and DD can't wait to go! anyway, I have placed everything in the hands of a solicitor, I have more important things to deal with at the moment, such as watching the paint on my walls dry!! I am determined that that man is NOT going to get to me, no matter how hard he tries!

I do hope everyone else is ok xxx

PS thats an 8 mile round trip twice a day, every day

Oops, I see you replied, LL, but it must have got buried lower down the page. Thanks for your good wishes - can't remember last weekend now, it was so long ago, but I think we enjoyed it! This one is ok too.

Poor TFM, let's hope he soon gets tired of the game playing. Get everything in writing, of course (pref through the solicitor), before you act on anything he says. He's not behaving rationally nor in your child's best interests, and painful though this is, it plays into your hands in practical terms. Thank God you're only subjected to small doses of his madness now instead of being up to your neck in it.

Hi everyone
Well back to semi normalness (is that a real word?).
Our Australian exchange student has gone home now - it was not without drama.
Firstly the ash cloud delayed them for a week so we tried our best to fit as much into the remaining weeks.
Being a teenage girl she was far more interested in shopping than seeing the sights - which i found a bit frustrating - pointing out 'top-shop' as a tourist attraction became the norm!!!
My DD is also having a major hormone surge and is obviously having difficulty string a polite sentence together - it is a series of grunts and moans most of the time .
I am trying to do as you suggested TFM and it works most of the time but i am only human and have lost it a couple of times.

Anyone care to swap??????

With half term upon us I feel daunted by the week of keeping everyone happy.
Wish me luck everyone.

Heh, I just dump DS4 in front of the PC and all is peaceful. We only get moans and grunts if I insist on him coming out with us (DS2 and I usually shop together while he's at school). He's happy if it's Bluewater though.

thanks annie - i have gone through it with DS but DD is very different and seems to thrive on the drama of it all.
It is all so wearing and i am sure it is karma as i was a pretty awful teenager to my mum .
I shall try and grin and bare it.

Probably made worse by her surging hormones and mine diminishing .

Thank you Annie and you are right, he is playing into my hands. Oh my, how things change! The good thing is I came out of the refuge a lot stronger than when I went in, so much so that they have invited me to apply for the management committee once I have been 'out' the obligatory 6 months. I am counting down the days!

HW Have you thought of suggesting that DD get a little job? (If she hasn't already that is) A part time job for the weekends and the school holidays might ground her a bit, teach her some responsibility and more importantly, wear her out so she is a lot less gobby! You can also cut her allowance because she will be earning her own money. I know my DS benefited from working, it calmed him down quite a bit as he enjoyed it.

Good Luck with half term for the time being

TFM
I wish she could get a job but is has only turned 14 and so not able to get one. The school also does not encourage it and they have to be able to play in school matches at weekends if required.

We are trying to get her to do more chores in order to 'earn' some extra money as she now wants to start doing her own clothes shopping. That is working fairly well. She often asks if there are any jobs i need doing and when she does do them is actually quite good.

She is also quite immature for her age (although of course she does not see that).

If it was just her i would be able to cope but with the demands of the others it is hard to give her the attention required at the required time iyswim.

Happy bank hols to everyone - raining here!!

That's a shame HW. I suppose a paper round wouldn't have the same desired effect

You know, I've always felt that there was something missing for teenagers of your DD's age and above. It's not an easy time for them really with all the change in hormones going on and emotions they feel but don't have the maturity or the vocabulary to be able to express them, which in turn leads to miscommunication and great misunderstandings between said teenagers and parents.

Kids this age do need someone to talk to, someone to share their feelings with, someone who can listen and try to understand without judging, someone who isn't a parent! Thoughts and feelings at this age can seem trivial to us 'oldies' but to a younger teenager they can be massive!

It was always my intention, if I ever won the lottery to buy a huge building and turn it into a drop in centre for kids, somewhere they could just hang out, chat if they needed to, get advice, have a game of pool, do homework and so on. I thought that is this kind of facility was available to them they could then go home in a jolly good mood and the parent's wouldn't get so much flack!
Alas, I haven't yet won the lottery so it is still only a dream...................

Not raining here yet but it will be in about 15 minutes. Just as my washing is ready to be hung out!!

I have washing hanging all around the house.

paper-round not really possible - which is a shame.

There is so much pressure on everyone - teenagers to do well at school, keep up with the latest fashions and music and try and grow up as quickly as possible. And there is the pressure for us parents to 'control' our children make sure there are safe etc..

just off out now.

Hi everyone, hope you all have a good half term.

HW remember, this too shall pass. She'll come through the female Kevin stage - just as you did . TFM's idea of a drop in centre would be fantastic - it's true, there's little out there for that age group and yet they're under HUGE pressure at a time when they're changing from child to adult anyway. Amazing any of us survive! But we do .

Annie, hope your back's improving still?

TFM - glad to hear the move went well. I've been thinking about you but didn't email as I didn't know if you'd got broadband yet, and also thought you'd be MUCH too busy . Can't believe exP is taking you to court over DD's school. It really shows desperation. I would have thought his solicitor would laugh in his face (but then, conversely, all the way to the bank!). It shows he knows he hasn't any other way to control you any more. And as for buying you a car...well, he doesn't give up, does he. He still needs to feel he can call the shots. Glad DD is looking forward to her new school too. I know that was your initial worry when you went to the refuge. It shows she's adjusted to the change and is ready to make a huge change of her own - and that proves that she's feeling secure. Well done you!!!!

All quiet here. DD's finished her Art and Photography exams and they went well. She's planned to finish her coursework over half term and then concentrate on getting a decent grade in English. Her father's pressurising her to get a A and I know she feels it as he and I both did well in our English A levels and she's never felt up to getting a top grade. I'm refusing to add to the pressure - just told her to concentrate on doing as much revision as she can so that she won't feel she's sold herself short, if she gets the B that she wants, she can feel proud of herself and in any case, I am HUGELY proud of her - my daughter, the Artist! (of course, that's me living out my alternative life ).

It's very gloomy in London, but I am determined to plant out my bedding today. I keep putting it off as being too hot/cold/wet, but I'll feel better for getting it done. I've been too lethargic lately. And DP wants to plant some salads - I want to encourage that. Like giving a child a small pet to encourage responsibility (except, like children and small pets, guess who'll wind up doing all the watering and aftercare? )

Hi to everyone else - Dior/Givenchy, are you still out there? Don't forget us!

Thank you Tanee everything you say is so right. This is the only way he feels he can control me now. Fancy, trying to force me to have a car!! The man is deluded I tell you, deluded!

He told me something a couple of weeks ago that made my blood run cold and made me even more certain that I have done the right thing in leaving. Not that I have doubted for one minute that I haven't done the right thing! He told me that he used to leave the house when we were having a disagreement to stop himself from killing me. He must have seen the look of shock on my face when he said it so then changed it to 'seriously hurt' me. As if that was any better. I replied that it's a good job I never did anything seriously wrong to upset him as God only knows what would have happened. Can you believe that?? If I ever challenged him or defended myself he would storm out of the house and drive off, and he thinks that was doing me a favour as it stopped him from killing me. I am still struggling to get my head around that one.

He is really suffering at the moment, I can see it. He is very agitated not having the control that he so desperately needs. Needless to say I am avoiding him as much as possible.

Yes TFM, that is truly shocking. But then, he'd been violent to you before, so the potential was always there. I am SO glad you're out of it now.

Pleased to say I did some of my pots yesterday and hacked away at a giant laurel in the front garden. Very theraupeutic. DP got depressed by failing to be able register his new credit card online. I suggested joining me with the laurel, but he preferred to mooch off on his own to the park after railing about 'having to live our lives like this'. I did the validation trick of saying, 'you're feeling angry and frustrated by technology. I agree, it's b*y annoying - why not take it out on the laurel?' then left him to his own devices for the rest of the day. I felt better for having been active. He just looked exhausted and drained, like an invalid. I am NOT sowing his salads for him. I suspect they will still be in their packet next year.

Back's a bit stiff but manageable, thanks.

XH used to do that "having to live our lives like this"... actually a lot of the time we didn't. He would mooch off to the garage and have a nasty little cigar or two, generally. There's really not a lot you can do for someone who won't let you.