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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

FAB & GLAM 10 - Gosh, Do We Really Talk That Much???

1000 replies

Dumbledior · 26/07/2009 21:51

Hi, new thread

Lovely to see all the old posters again. Don't go now you are back.

Annie/UC/MHIS - lovely to see you and thanks MHIS for the FB chat.

OP posts:
ginnny · 07/12/2009 11:26

I might have to bring both monsters sons with me after all. Hope that won't be a problem Tannee!
DP is being a complete ARSE at the moment and if something doesn't dramatically change I can see us being finished by Christmas.

Tanee58 · 07/12/2009 17:21

Dior, DO come - we can always do another meet sans children, next year, but it would be a shame to miss seeing you. I shall be leaving work early just to see you (and the others, of course!)

Ginnny, I am sure they can fit another chair in - the booking's only supposed to be for 12, but they've been flexible before and they do special menus for children. They can keep Dior's DS busy

Sorry to hear DP is being an arse again, Ginnny. What's he up to now? He's not back on the booze, I hope? I'm still trying to find the guts to tell my own problem that I want DD to come home - and if that means him leaving, so be it. Trouble is, he's being quite nice atm, I'm sure he senses something in the wind. I was laid up with backache on Saturday and he actually hung all my laundry to dry, without my asking. Now, that is a first!

Had a fabulous day out with DD yesterday - spent a small fortune at a vintage fashion fair - which almost completely cured my backache - probs because it so lightened my purse !

PC can come to our meetup - hooray!!!

ladylush · 09/12/2009 11:23

bumping so I don't lose you

Tanee58 · 09/12/2009 12:38

Sorry LL, we're all out Christmas shopping.

LilySwalLoosHerTurkeyBaster · 09/12/2009 12:44

Hey all quiet on here again.
Am of your meeting up , please give PC my love when you see her.

Had terrible day Mon , dd2 fell off a chair and knocked her tooth out my baby
Has black eyes , gap in her tooth , swollen cheek and lips Should look lovely as we are off to dd1 and ds nativity in a minute !!!!

Tanee58 · 09/12/2009 13:04

Ooh, that must have hurt. Poor dd2 .

ginnny · 09/12/2009 13:18

Ouch Lily - poor little thing. Horrible when they hurt themselves isn't it.
Thanks Tannee - I've been feeling a bit mean not bringing ds2 along anyway. He heard me talking about it to DP and his little face fell when he found out he wasn't invited!!
He can always sit on my lap if there's no room for him. Also, its one more thing for DP to make me feel indebted for if he takes time off to look after ds and I'm sick of feeling like I owe him for every little favour he does.

ladylush · 10/12/2009 10:12

Lily - poor dd Hope she is ok

Anniegetyourgun · 10/12/2009 17:27

Ooh, one's deep sympathies for the poor little broken miss.

Hope the nativity went ok and you didn't get arrested for baby battering

ladylush · 10/12/2009 21:10

I love nativity plays Ds was great. Doesn't every parent think the same though

Anniegetyourgun · 11/12/2009 09:16

Well I certainly do, but that's because mine is extra talented! As I'm sure is yours!

ladylush · 13/12/2009 15:57

lol Annie

ginnny · 15/12/2009 10:28

Hi.
Sorry I am such a PITA but I won't be bringing the boys on Monday now.
Ex has decided that he wants to see them and will take them to his Dad's for tea, which suits me as it means I can go out on the train like a grown up and not feel guilty about ds1s birthday.
Sorry to mess you about though Tannee - hope its not a problem.

Tanee58 · 15/12/2009 17:55

Hi Ginnny, no, not a problem at all .

Dior, have you considered coming with DS on the train? Hope you can, we'll make such a fuss of him, he'll love it! And I am SO looking forward to us all meeting up - I need a good girlie night out!

I'm having terrific fun at home - I have told DP that I want him to leave, so that DD can come home. I finally cracked after she spent the night at ours after a late gig on Friday, and he slammed the bedroom door so hard when he went to bed, just to make a silly, immature point about not wanting her around. She and I shared the spare bed and the next day he had the cheek to ask what happened to me, as he woke in the night to find himself alone! I am now sleeping in the spare room again (MY room!) and told him we are not a couple any more, (he agreed ) and that either he gets help, or we would never be a couple again. As usual he said I'm better off without him and let's sell the house. And I said fine, but in the short term, I want you to move out asap, so that DD can return. You are robbing me of my last, precious months with her and I've had enough.

Since then he's been very quiet, gone to the pub after work, come home and crept around being a polite stranger and drinking himself into oblivion before bed. He's also got a cold and I cannot feel sorry for him. I have emailed him any local rooms to let that I've found on Gumtree, but I suspect he won't lift a finger either to rent a room OR put the house on the market, and I can't afford to rent a flat for DD and me, so we're really rather stuck. It's a horrible feeling, a numbness and such a sadness.

But I will make a pretence of selling up - I want him to come home one day soon and find a For Sale board up. That'll show him I mean business! And his sisters are going to have a go at him over Christmas, as they've both been through depression, can speak to him from experience and know that the help is there, if he'd only seek it. They're worried sick about him since I finally told them what's been going on and exactly why DD moved out, and if they can't help him see how much he has to lose by staying within his sorry, depressed miasma, then I'm afraid no one can. I'm trying to keep myself thinking that it won't be that I have failed, but that HE has failed himself.

Anyway, whatever happens, I'm trying, trying and TRYING to think onwards and upwards...

Tanee58 · 15/12/2009 18:00

By the way, Annie and LL, I've booked the table in my name, which obviously I can't put on here. If you're not on FB, I'd suggest that when you arrive, you tell them that you're with a party of twelve with a teapot on the table! Also I might ask them to change the name to Tetley when I arrive.

Anniegetyourgun · 15/12/2009 18:11

Oh dear - but from the sound of it, you did have to do it. Your DD has to come first. I don't mean a child should be able to dictate to its parent for the rest of your life, of course (don't fancy my DCs' chances if they tried!) but it doesn't sound like she's been doing a spoilt princess act - in fact she's been remarkably sensitive and undemanding. You have brought up a good'un there.

It's up to him now. You can't live his life for him, however much better off he would be if you could.

Anniegetyourgun · 15/12/2009 18:12

Hehe, teapot for twelve it is.

ginnny · 15/12/2009 19:16

You are right Tannee - you haven't failed him, HE has failed you and dd. Will she be home by Christmas do you think?
I'm really looking forward to Monday too - what time are we all meeting?

ladylush · 16/12/2009 10:46

Tanee - I totally agree with Annie and Ginnny. You have tried your absolute best and I am sorry that he continues to let you down rather than step up. It's good that you told his sisters and that it's all out in the open - makes things easier all round and also means they can help pick up the pieces. I hope this gives him a thorough shake up but regardless of what happens I am delighted you will be spending xmas with dd
Teapot for 12 it is
Not sure what to do with ds yet as he will be off school. Will either meet dh in London and do a handover or get a friend to have him. Are we meeting at 5.30?

Tanee58 · 16/12/2009 14:41

yes, table's booked for 5.30. I'll try to be there early with my teapot.

Ginnny, I think it highly unlikely he'll actually leave. I keep sending him postings from Gumtree to rub it in - including one that my workmate found, advertising a 50 year old man who wants to let a room, free, to a couple, in exchange for letting him watch ...

HappyWoman · 16/12/2009 20:03

let him watch ....... watch what ? TV????? .

ginnny · 17/12/2009 10:04

Eeewww!!! Tannee that's creepy!! I can't believe there are such pervs out there
I'll try and be there for 5.30. I think I've still got your number so I'll text/call when I'm getting off the train.

TimeForMe · 17/12/2009 16:32

Hi Girls! Just to wish you all a lovely get together, hope you all have a fab time, I will be thinking of you!

Tanee58 · 19/12/2009 14:00

Hi girls, DD has just suggested that I put a packet of Tetley's on the table - just so I don't accidentally smash my precious teapot! So look out for teapot or Tetley's, and I'll ask the reception desk if I can change the booking name to 'Tetley'. They will think I'm barking mad .

Speaking of barking people, latest in my life of insanity is, DP announced last night that he's not booked his ticket home to his mum's for Christmas, (all my fault, apparently, for reneging on some imagined agreement to lend him my car) - so I'm stuck with him - and I'd planned to have a couple of days with DD home. Still planning to have her - I don't see why we should have our plans disrupted just because HE wants to be miserable and alone on Christmas Day - and make everyone he should care about, miserable too. His mother will be so disappointed (he hasn't told her yet) - but that, as I told him quite candidly, is NOT my responsibility.

So girls, I'm really looking forward to seeing you - my high spots this hols, will be my times with friends.

See you all on Monday - TFM - we will drink a toast to you (shouldn't say that, since I've now attended my first Al Anon meeting - watch out - massive moaning email coming your way.

TimeForMe · 19/12/2009 14:41

Oh no Tanee!! I was so looking forward to him going away on your behalf!! You most definitely needed that break! I am so pleased DD is still coming for Christmas though and good for you for telling him that his problems are HIS responsibility, I am proud of you!!

Oh yes, please raise a toast to me I will be thinking of you all and I will be with you in spirit. I wish I could be there with you in person.

I am looking forward to your email Tanee and hearing all about your meeting, I hope you got some good support?

Love to everyone else xx

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