I adore my DP. He is the most wonderful, caring, loving person I have ever met, and being nearly six months pregnant with his child, I can't think of anyone else I would want to be in this situation with. He takes care of my when my illnesses are flaring up, makes me laugh, listens to me when I'm stressed, calms me down if I'm having a freak out... Some of the things he's done to help me, even before we got together, go totally and utterly beyond the call of duty. I've never been happier.
But this weekend he's been through two bottles of wine a night, and although its not the first time, I'm really struggling. He has anorexia, and used to self harm, and when he's drinking it all comes back to the surface. Last night I was woken up by him crying, and I had to take the knife off him while he sobbed, "Please just one cut." Its so painful for me to witness. He's had SUCH a hard week, and he's angry with himself because he slipped up trying to gain weight, so I'm trying to put some of it down to that. But I've been up for hours now, worried about dropping off to sleep in case he has a funny turn and doesn't wake me up - if he's sober he'll wake me if he needs to so we can talk about things, same as I do to him, but I can't guarantee he'll do that currently.
I love him so much, but its just so painful to witness him torturing himself. He's trying so hard, and done so well - hasn't hurt himself since we found out we were expecting (whereas I've slipped up twice), has gained weight voluntarily, and has cut down hugely on the tobacco and weed that he was smoking. He still takes vallium a lot, but I don't resent this as I know his anxiety is just too much sometimes to deal with.
I don't know what to do - because he's done so much for me and the baby already, I feel terrible even considering having a chat with him about the drinking. And a part of me is also sickly thinking about the calories he's at least consuming from the drink, and from the food he'll snack on if he's drunk. I just don't know. When I tell him in the morning - he'll be up in 20mins for work - how much he worried me, like I did yesterday, he'll be horrified and apologise, but I just can't deal with it at times. Please someone give me some advice.