Can't deal with the drinking.

[ErikaMaye]

I adore my DP. He is the most wonderful, caring, loving person I have ever met, and being nearly six months pregnant with his child, I can't think of anyone else I would want to be in this situation with. He takes care of my when my illnesses are flaring up, makes me laugh, listens to me when I'm stressed, calms me down if I'm having a freak out... Some of the things he's done to help me, even before we got together, go totally and utterly beyond the call of duty. I've never been happier.

But this weekend he's been through two bottles of wine a night, and although its not the first time, I'm really struggling. He has anorexia, and used to self harm, and when he's drinking it all comes back to the surface. Last night I was woken up by him crying, and I had to take the knife off him while he sobbed, "Please just one cut." Its so painful for me to witness. He's had SUCH a hard week, and he's angry with himself because he slipped up trying to gain weight, so I'm trying to put some of it down to that. But I've been up for hours now, worried about dropping off to sleep in case he has a funny turn and doesn't wake me up - if he's sober he'll wake me if he needs to so we can talk about things, same as I do to him, but I can't guarantee he'll do that currently.

I love him so much, but its just so painful to witness him torturing himself. He's trying so hard, and done so well - hasn't hurt himself since we found out we were expecting (whereas I've slipped up twice), has gained weight voluntarily, and has cut down hugely on the tobacco and weed that he was smoking. He still takes vallium a lot, but I don't resent this as I know his anxiety is just too much sometimes to deal with.

I don't know what to do - because he's done so much for me and the baby already, I feel terrible even considering having a chat with him about the drinking. And a part of me is also sickly thinking about the calories he's at least consuming from the drink, and from the food he'll snack on if he's drunk. I just don't know. When I tell him in the morning - he'll be up in 20mins for work - how much he worried me, like I did yesterday, he'll be horrified and apologise, but I just can't deal with it at times. Please someone give me some advice.

Ah, another judgemental poster who knows jack about me or my DP. Why doesn't everyone just come out and say it and say we'll be terrible parents instead of beating round the bush?

Social Services have interviewed us twice and are not concerned. Do I need to repeat that?

And I didn't self-harm. Read the fucking post - I've not SI'ed for almost a year.

You can't hand them back when you've had enough?! Thanks for that revelation. I had no idea. Jesus.

tiktok - Yes, you said. And I'd let others decide if they also think that. You've still not said why, however.

erika had to take teh knife off you whilst you were drunk and begging to make one cut. you were using alcohol and valium to medicate yourself. i thikn that is harmful and destructive

that is not healthy

i think with the right support you will be good parents. but imagining that because you have done some babysitting, you are prepared for parenthood is naive.

imaginging your issues won;t have an impact is naive

swearing and getting defensive with people who don't agree with you is not a good way to be

tiktok...and I want to convince you because I feel as though I'm being judged unfairly. If you'd told the truth about something to the best of your ability and someone said "I don't believe you", wouldn't that bother you?

when it is proved you cannot cope it will be too late - in order to avoid that happening you should seek out all the help you can now. There are mental health threads on here - change your name and post on there.

LULU

He only wants to hear how wonderfull he is. And neither his or his partners issues will affect their child.

I have read both yours and erika posts and there are lots of references to both you mental probelms. You need stop posting on here and get help with your probelms in real life.

Their are parents on here who have/do have the same probelms as but they are not trying to justify their behaviour they are dealing/getting help with it.

Anyway i will now be hiding this thread because neither you will hear or accept the advice you have be given on here because no one is agreeing with you.

TJK: I don't want to engage with you on this. I still find you unconvincing, and your insistence on finding out why would involve me in engaging with you...in fact your continued insistence adds to my lack of convinced-ness.

You will no doubt feel I am being unfair and judgemental, though there's no good reason why you should care what I think.

LuluMaman - Okay, perhaps the babysitting example was a bad move. I'm fully aware it isn't the same, I was simply trying to illistrate that I get on fine with children.

But like I said, members here have said I'm: -

• Manipulative
• Self-destructive
• Self-obsessed
• Self-absorbed
• Menacing
• Controlling
• Frightening
• Volatile
• A parasite
• Self-pitying
• Inadequate
• Unconvincing
• An alcoholic / drug addict
• Naive
• Irresponsible
• Rude

Nobody has been sympathetic aside from my girlfriend. It's all about her and the baby as if it isn't mine as well. How would you feel? I wasn't expecting total sympathy, but I was at least expecting perhaps a gentle word today and a little encouragement.

Let me repeat - none of you know me at all, yet you're all so quick to judge me as a bad guy. Fine. I see how this place works now. And all of this based on a couple of posts based on one kinda rough week.

TJK: you can add 'self-obsessed' to that list

Whoops - it's already there! Add it again, anyway, why doncha?

'Nobody has been sympathetic aside from my girlfriend. It's all about her and the baby as if it isn't mine as well. How would you feel? I wasn't expecting total sympathy, but I was at least expecting perhaps a gentle word today and a little encouragement.'

IT'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND THREAD.

"He only wants to hear how wonderfull he is."

lizziemum - How utterly untrue and unfair. Are you always this awful to people?

Anyway, there is nothing but hatred on here. What a terrible place. The only person who has even given me a slightly good word at all is mrsboogie.

Right last post.

This IS your girlfreind Thread.

If you want people on here to talk about you perhaps you should start your own.

How about the title IT'S ABOUT ME. Please come and tell me how great i am.

thing is , drinking , using weed, taking valium, trying to self harm and having an eating disorder are self destructive and the way that those issues make you behave can make you less than pleasant.

thinking that baby sitting prepares you for parenthood is naive. thinking you can beat alcohol and weed use alone is naive.

BUT

and that is true for all people with those issues, not just you

the fact is, your partner started a thread about being distressed by your drinking and your attempts to self harm

so you were not going to get a round of applause for that!

if you can see past what you perceive to be pointless insult, you will see that people are concerned for the right reasons and want to see you succeed and be a happy family

at lizziemun!

Threads 'belong' to OPs on mumsnet.

It's called 'highjacking' when someone else comes along and tries to change the direction of the conversation towards their own agenda.

"IT'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND THREAD"

Yes, and I had no right to post. But since it escalated, I felt the need to respond and apologise. Yet onward came the hatred, and on and on.

I say again, what an awful place.

I think this thread is a wind up....

nothing but hatred!? what rubbish

you see and read what you want to see and read to keep casting yourself as the poor misunderstood victim

your 18 year old, heavily pregnant girlfriend, who has problems herself had to drag a knife off you whislt oyu were insensible with drink , threatening to cut yourself

you deserve a few harsh words, but there is lots of support if you will see it

but you have to face up to your beahviour, how it comes across and how it impacts your girlfriend

How odd.

"How about the title IT'S ABOUT ME. Please come and tell me how great i am."

I don't want hear that, because I - like all non-narcassists - know it isn't true. We all have our faults. I only came back to apologise for invading my DP's privacy, to ask forgiveness from the members here who were naturally horrified that I had done such a thing and generally "officially" post so that we could both get some support and use the place for which it was intended.
But apparently, unless I go to a therapist, I'm going to be a terrible, terrible father who will leave my vulnerable girlfriend to fend for herself and/or harm the baby.

None of which is true (the thought!), but nobody is even prepared to even entertain that. Like I said, it was one bad moment in one rough week.

'I say again, what an awful place.' So you keep saying so Bugger off then.

"you deserve a few harsh words, but there is lots of support if you will see it"

LuluMaman - I did indeed and I got them, but when I attempt to explain myself I just get more and more. Cast myself the victim? I'd rather not, because I'm not that type of person, but it sure feels like it.

'I say again, what an awful place.' So you keep saying so Bugger off then.

lizziemun - because I was hoping for a bit of support somewhere down the road and wanted to clear the air in this thread. It's not like I've done this before. But yeah, I can see that is unlikely given people's attitude and downright hostility towards me.

Yawn.

I still think this thread is a wind up....