Please help my husband left today VERY NEWEST THREAD

[Notquitegrownup]

New thread here. Hope you find it BW.

Whatever you decide to say don't send anything tonight.

At the very least a dignfied silence is called for here. YOu may want to see how you feel in the cold light of day tomorrow.

And this man has hidden behind a switched-off phone and a couple of texts for a fortnight. I don't think it would at all right to get back to him tonight just because HE has decided the channels of communication are open.

God I feel so ANGRY with this man. It's as if you are a piece of furniture or something and will just carry on doing whatever you do while he decides whether or not to join you.
How dare he just assume he can come back just like that? How DARE he?

BW, I've not posted before, but have been following and really rooting for you. I second what Slambang just said. All on your terms now. Stay strong - you've been amazing.

Good grief Boilerwoman. Logged on and read the last texts first, so wondered what in the world had happened.

My first response was 'no you're not bloody well coming home matey' - then I remembered he wasn't my husband and it's not my home . Why tomorrow? Sorry to be crude, but is he fitting in a few more blow jobs first? WHAT IN THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH THE MAN - you said Monday was the deadline.

He sounds totally screwed up in that he only wants what he can't have and when he can't have it. You know I'd be so tempted to wait until he had left a note or whatever for the other woman and turned up at your door, and then turn him away, just so he knew what it felt like for a change.

He is tellng you he is coming back tomorrow but DD that he is coming over on Saturday. Keep you guard up BW. Its time for you to call the shots. X

im in such shock at the brazen cheek of the man so I hope you are breathing deeply and able to gain some clarity of what you want before responding.

Dont respond by text because you are trying to break that cycle.

Call him if his phones on. I would ask for his conatct details i.e. address in case of emergency for the children and then ask why on earth he thinks he gets to decide whats going to happen. Really put the wind up him!

I would give him the ultimatum to come home right htis minute but as others will probably agree he should not be able to 'move' straight home - is there a manky B&B you could stash him for the night?

And even after everything I dont blame you for saying you would wait indefinitely for him but you have to do this on your terms otherwise he will just continue this agony.

I don't know what I would really do in this situation, but I hope I would tell him to bloody well book into a hotel, then I'd change the locks and make him negotiate HARD to even get back in the door. If he wants to see the DCs, let it be in a neutral place, not in your house.

I agree with other posters who have said that it's important that he knows this is your decision. And if your relationship with him has a future, it is going to be a brand-new one - therefore needs a brand-new start, not just him slinking back.

Keep being the strong, dignified lady you are.

And ... 'tear a strip off me'- he makes it sound like he's a naughty school boy and stolen an extra bit of cake, not left his wife and five children twice and failed to have any contact.

The bloody NERVE of the man!!

Pleeeeaase don't let him walk all over you BW -he will keep doing it.

Even if you are willing to take him back don't make it easy for him. For all of your sakes.

coming home are you - i told you monday was decision day - and you didn't contact me - afraid I have contacted a solicitor and wheels are in motion - so i sugest if your nest isn't being feathered you find some where else - i made myself quite clear before

thats what I would say - and i have been is a similar position

What an arrogant and condescending piece of shit.
Sorry, but that text is so out of order.
He has lied to your DD trying to blame you for him having not been in touch and now he is acting like he has just been late back from the pub.

WTF!!!???
You deserve so much more than this.
He knows it too, ultimately.
I will sit on your sofa tomorrow/Saturday and bloody tell him so.
Am fuming, you're ironing his DC clothes and he's playing wanky mind games????????

Sorry, but please, get angry and sort him out BW. Whether you take him back or not. YOu are a lovely human being (the mother of his DC) who doesn't deserve the torture he has put you through these past few weeks.

Don't let him back that quickly / easily / if at all. Tell him the Monday deadline was IT!!! Period!!! Or you'll never get taken seriously again.....

It's ALL about him isn't it?

Anyone else up for a trip up to Durham on Saturday? That would be fantastic, wouldn't it. He leaves his wife, his wife he thinks is isolated and friendless - and then the door is opened by 30 angry Mumsnetters from all around the UK.

I'm in Botty.
Am gobsmacked by the audacity of the man.

Oh my goodness bw He has sent you a text to tell you he is coming home ... again. I'd love to stamp on his wretched phone. Be careful with that iron! I know where ....

I agree with Katisha and Botty. Don't jump just because he has deigned to snap his fingers in your direction. You gave him an ultimatum and he seems to have conveniently forgotten that he did not comply. More than that, he said he was coming home and then neglected to arrive or communicate with you or his DCs for a further three days. He clearly is not taking you seriously. What utter arrogance.

He's got a cheek he really has. The audacity of the man. He obviously doesn't know the new formidable you does he and is assuming you will glady fall at his feet and worship him the moment he chooses to step back through the door. No way! I know you have more self respect than to let him dictate to you as it suits him. For goodness sake what's to say that he may not change his mind again by Friday.

Oh bw he is messing with your head like you are some kind of puppet whose strings he can pull when he gets bored playing with his other toys.

Wishing you self control by the bucket load bw. Stay calm and don't rush into any decisions now. Try to detach yourself emotionally (yeah right) and think things through objectively.
You don't deserve to be toyed with like this

Botty make that 31

Botty can we take the good looking male mumsnetters and make sure they answer the door to him?

He is sure of himself isn't he. Knows he can just walk in when ever he wants.

No explanation as to why he chooses to continuously ignore you, no apology, no idea where he lives, no contact except when he chooses and no even asking you if he can come back.

Don't let him keep you where he's got you BW.

Absolutely Jiggly - booking their seats on the train as I type!

What a complete arsehole!!!!

I'm so so so with him and I don't even know him.

How dare he treat you like some inanimate object that he can pick up and put down whenever HE pleases.

Firstly, what the hell is he playing at telling DD2 that you don't answer his messages of concern over DS? As if he has been so worried and you are being obstructive. You have done nothing but try to keep the children from hating him for what he has done to you all and in return he is lying to them to make you look like a baddie. If there is one thing I hate it is a liar. What a tosser!!

Secondly, "I'm coming home tomorrow to stay." How dare he assume that he can come home and completely disregard the ultimatum you gave him last week. I'm sorry to say this to you as you are a nice person but the man either has no respect for anything you say or he has short term amnesia.

You deserve better than this.

BW, sweetheart, no matter how bad you feel now, can you imagine how much worse you would feel just letting him back?
He needs to fight for you, to prove his worth.
How could you go on wondering if you'll arive home from work to an empty house and a note again?
IF he comes back, it is on YOUR terms, not his.
Please, BW, you owe yourself that much

Well I've still got my blunt rusty scissors to hand to give him a sexual adventure he won't forget!

On a serious note BW I hope your are ok and you will be in my thoughts tonight as will only be able to read and not post later as will be on the ipod and have got to go and prepare for DD's birthday tomorrow.

Hope your DD had a good as possible birthday and im sure you will have lots of support on here tonight whatever you decide.

Please at least change the locks so he can't just swan back in while you're at work?

(Oh and I meant to say - I don't know who you talked to, but Sure Start (government run) is completely different to Home Start. The only criteria is that one of your children must be under 5.)

Absolutely agree Lizzylou

Utterly outrageous.

So upset on your behalf.

Texts are the invention of the devil.

Spineless, gutless, arrogant, selfish.

Print out these threads and send them to him.