Please help my husband left today VERY NEWEST THREAD

[Notquitegrownup]

New thread here. Hope you find it BW.

BW - I think you should move South - you have a ready made friendship group!

Agree with MadameCastafiore re the STD clinic; the sort of woman who has sex with a married father in a car .... I don't need to spell out the rest.

Hopefully with her daughter behaving like that, he will begin to see her for what she is.

Hope DS is improving. Have you discovered aqueous cream with calamine lotion in it yet? Mine suffered dreadfully from chicken pox. DS couldn't sleep afterwards and kept waking for 4 hours at a time - we took him to the cranial osteopath who sorted it.

Yes, move South BW

Oh poor DS. I hope he feels better soon. Will your boss be okay about your having time off to look after him or does DH's shift pattern allow him to be at home with DS this week? Anyway I hope he isn't too miserable. How are the girls?

A new mobile number may be a good idea for DH - although I guess he had two phones anyway? Of course he could just turn his phone off and ignore texts from OW and her DD. That's how he treated you.

I hope you have a peaceful Sunday BW. x

Piriton too, helps with the itching later

It looks good, he seems to want to make the changes, good luck x

Yes, the STD tests probably at some point - but let's not forget this has been going on for two years so perhaps isn't the first thing to do. Better to get Relate established first?

Eurax cream or lotion is brilliant for itchy chickenpox. We used it for both of ours and it really did help stop the itching. Baths with Bicarbonate of soda added are also helpful anf cooling.

Just remember one thing BW - your husband left fadingaway and has returned to Boilerwoman!

Your supporters here may jest about moving down south - a superb idea, let me say - but in all seriousness, you're within your rights to insist on a move either back to where you were before, or to a new place where you can start again together. Food for thought, at least.

Just realised that if you add FA to BW, you get FAB Woman!

Your poor DS, it's such horrid illness. Hope he's feeling slightly better.

I hope your weekend is ok with your H back at home, hard work I would imagine, that along with the chicken pox, bet your shattered. Keep your chin up.

As for the OW's DD, I don't blame her one bit, I think sending your H dodgy messages to his phone is mild. If it was my Mum he'd deceived I'd want to lynch the bastard.

Sorry BW but that's what I see him as. If I'm really honest I'm amazed you've had him back with such ease.

Sorry, here to support you as always, but I'm just being honest. I don't trust him not to do it to you again.

BW, hope your DS feels better soon.

Totally agree with Mrsboogie:

"Just remember one thing BW - your husband left fadingaway and has returned to Boilerwoman!"

We don't know the ins and outs of what has happened, I am just happy that you are finally reaching some sort of conclusion and can now all work on moving forward.

BW - dont make him any promises at all. If he is genuinely sorry and wants to make a go of it again he will understand that this is not going to be a walk in the park.
Let him know ANY contact with ow will be met with you not having him back.

If you are enjoying having him close - keep it to that - you dont have to go any faster than you are ready for.

Also do make sure he is open with you - it may be that the ow did not want him after all (despite what he is telling you) - maybe he is chasing her now and her DD is telling him to get lost??? And he wants you to 'defend' him now. I hope he is letting you see the texts.

Anyway - always here for you if you need me.
Take care and i really hope you get some peace now.

Lovely to come back and see that things are moving on for you now.
Like HW advises, be a little cautious.
Will check back soon and see how you are all doing.
hoping here too, that you get some peace.
night night.

Morning BW - sorry I've not been around. Was off having a baby

Poor little ds with his chicken pox hope he's on the mend.

Good luck with dh

I am being very cautious....

DH is at work now - he moved into the spare room yesterday. None of the DC appear to have noticed but if the older ones do I will tell them why.

Whe I was at the GP last week she asked again about an STD check. I bottled it and told her I had my period (I'm sure I used that excuse the first time). DH swears that there's no need, but.........

I will be very honest here - the first time DH came back I was all over the place. I didn't know how I should have acted around him. This time feels different. I have decided to just to what I feel rather than what I think I should, if that makes any sense. I asked him if he thought it was a case of neither of us being ready at that time to let him back.

I asked about Relate too and he said he just wanted to get a feel for what sort of things the counsellor would ask about. He said he will be absolutely honest with the counsellor and with me, and that if I would rather we can just go to all the sessions together. TBH I am very nervous about what they may ask us too.

Poor DS is not himself at all. Lots of his spots have scabbed over but there are fresh ones everywhere too. With my luck he will get over it ony for DDs3 and 4 to go down with it too..

Hey BW, nice to hear from you

Glad your being cautious, keep it up and good luck.

Morning BW. You sound like you're holding up well, all things considered. Poor DS - I know it's milder the younger they are when they get it, but I hope for the sake of your sanity that the younger DDs don't get it just yet!

He seems to be slowly recognising what he's done to you with the B&B and Relate appointment. Alarm bells would ring for me about the phone change though - he could be telling the truth, but equally, it's entirely likely that he's had two phones all along, or wants to keep his old phone a 'secret' so he can keep contacting OW. I hope that's not the case but don't drop your guard just because he seems to be trying to do the right thing. Also, with Relate, he says he wants to get a feel for what the counsellor is going to ask him... rather than how helpful the counselling is likely to be?! That seems a slightly skewed priority to me. I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it.

P.S. Congrats silkcushion!

Yes, big congratulaions to silkcushion too.

Morning BW,

I hope you are feeling more in control now. What he has done is a huge thing and he really really does need to change for things to work. Take this chance to make some changes for you too.
Someone suggested a fresh start and if that is possible it may be worth a try.
The course you are now taking is not an easy one either and there will be lots of challenges along the way, make sure you are ready to start this and stick to it before you let your gaurd down again.

You will not feel the same about him for a long time and i hope he is prepared for that - dont ever let him put any of the blame on you now and dont feel bad about the fact that you will have changed either.

My best advice is talk talk talk - until YOU are tired of talking about it (he will not want to do this as he will want to forget it all now), but if you do not understand it now it will niggle in your mind for a long time to come.

There are still things that i wish i had asked at the time - i still get the pangs of panic from time to time and the flashbacks of it all - dates and places can bring it all back. Dont feel that it is up to you to 'protect' him from how hurt you are when this happens. He will learn to accept that and that is why relate is so good - he needs to learn to find new ways of understanding you.

Good luck

Hi BW - great that you posted and are feeling ok. Good that you are both talking too, and that he is in the spare room.

I hope the counselling sorks well for you both. I am sure it may be uncomfortable at times, but I guess that some uncomfortable things will need exploring so that you can both move forward.

Others have mentioned that he may have 2 phones - I wonder if you could cut up his old SIM card (with his knowledge/ok) so that you know it is really gone?

Did he ever make a promise that he will not see the ow again?

Sorry for the confusion everyone - I did indeed post on the wrong thread about fb!

BW Hope you're OK and taking it all slowly and doing what's best for you...

When my DS had cheeky spots, the doctor recommended tepid baths and a rub over with tee tree lotion which helped....

Congratulations Silkcushion . Glad you are OK BW

Many congratulations silkcushion.

Hello bw. Well done, you sound cool, calm and collected even if your emotions are still doing somersaults! Caution is both appropriate and wise under the circumstances and it is necessary to protect and guard your heart against further disappointment as far as you can. It would be intolerable if you begin to trust him and he were to hurt you again.

I so so hope that he is on his hands and knees, so to speak, voicing genuine remorse and recognising the destruction he has carelessly wrought upon his family. I'm sure you won't be too quick to forgive him - at least until you are certain that he is having no contact at all with OW. Having said all that, I am really happy for you and the DCs that he is home. When is he due to see the Relate counsellor?

Poor DS I hope you can share lots of cuddles with him today and that he feels better soon.

thanks for the congrats

BW - it seems a positive step to me that you feel able to follow yr emotions in dealing with dh's return this time. You simply can't being treading on eggshells the whole time wondering whether he'll up and leave again.

Do you think he has any comprehension of the hurt/distress this ahs caused you?