Please help my husband left today VERY NEWEST THREAD

[Notquitegrownup]

New thread here. Hope you find it BW.

Love to DH BottySpottom.....nah, not quite yet

I'm sorry I have been away. DS's earache is now chickenpox, and he is very unhappy. DDs3 and 4 have not had it yet, so I am just waiting.

DH came back yesterday. He told me, before I asked, that he had booked into a fairly local B&B until tomorrow, when he goes back to work. He also showed me the appointment he already has with Relate, and he said that he wanted to speak to someone without me there just the first time, to kind of get a feel about what it was all about, and then we would go together if I was okay with that. I was very surprised that he had both booked into the hotel and sorted an appointment.

We talked a lot yesterday because all the DDs were out at school and DS at nursery.

I am going to show him the threads, when I am up to it.

I haven't decided where to go from here yet, and I have told him that. From Sunday he is at work and both from a practical and fnancial point of view it would be better if he were here. The spare room is ready.

I am surprised that I have been so calm and collected about all since yesterday.

The GP didn't give me anti-depressants. She upped my dose of amytriptiline,which I take because I have rheumatoid arthritis. I talked it through with her and came to the conclusion that I am goig to get through this without ADs.

It's been hard with DS though and in all honesty I am glad DH is back right now, as DS gets double the sympathy when there are two of us here.

I will come back later when I have DS to bed. I wonder if I am doing the right thing where DH is concerned. It feels right at the moment having him ear enough for emergencies etc. but not too close. If that makes sense.

Glad you are managing to talk things through with your H. It is oromising that he has booked relate and the hotel although I would just say that you still need to watch that he isn't calling all the shots. He seems to be deciding how everything goes still and it should be you doing that. He doesn't get a choicem he has behaved terribly and put you through hell. What does he have to say about telling lies that you had not answered his texts???!

I think it is a good idea for him to see relate alone as well as with you, as some of the other ladies have suggested, he sounds like he's going through some sort of brekadown. In a way I kind of hope he is as it would explain his behaviour. Otherwise he's just been a utter b*stard for no reason other than being incredibly selfish.

I would definately show him these threads, he needs to know what he has done, what effect his actions have had on not just you but his children!

Glad the docs app went ok, don't be afraid to go back if you're feeling no better in a few weeks. The first time I went to the docs feeling down we decided no ADs but a few months later I was still feeling the same so went back. It's nothing to be ashamed of, take all the help you can get. Really use the relate service for youeself ans well as you as a couple, it could really help.

Stay strong, we're all here anytime you need to chat.

Oh; I am so relieved! I thought all these 'husband left' today threads were from different women.....

Bw its good to hear from you.

It is good to see it is not all talk with him and he is taking action in booking the b&b and relate. I hope he has clearly demonstrated that all contact with OW is ceased NOW.

As Dalrymps says make sure he does'nt take charge of things and that you are doing this for the right reasons i.e. not just for the children.

I think you are very brave and we know how strong you are so please make sure you take the time to address his behaviour in full as well as looking at how you can both build a better relationship together.

This is'nt the easy option but I know you will have lots of support on here and relate can be a great help (speaking from experience). I wonder if it would help to show him the threads and then discuss at a future session together?

Hope DS is feeling better soon.

Good to hear from you, BoilerWoman. You don't mention it specifically but I'm assuming he has assured you that he has finished things with the OW and will not be doing a runner again.

Hope DS is feeling better soon.

Well done BW. You sound very level headed about it - remarkable considering how exhausted you must be.

If you show him the threads, do you have something set up for if you happen to need support on-line again without his being able to read it? i.e. e-mail addressed of people you feel can help you?

Things sound so much more positive. It's good that he has taken the initiative to book into a B&B and arrange the relate appointment. It is a shame that he couldn't contact you and discuss these plans with you, but I suppose he needed to finish things with the OW, and maybe he thought it best to present you with a plan already put into practice.
Anyway, I really hope you have a good weekend.

I really hope you get to talk through everything and that he's genuine about it all. Has he said he's going to sever all contact with OW? Is he going to be open about why he's been so difficult to contact over these weeks?

BW, so glad things are starting to work out.

Hope that you're DS is getting better.

You do sound very calm and in control, remembe how strong you are and don't let your H manipulate the situation, this is about what you want and need as well.

You show him the threads, lets hope it shames him into realising what his jaunt has done to you (and how many MNers would bitchslap him if they ever met him ), you can always namechange afterwards!

Glad that you're OK, was getting worried x

Glad you're doing ok, and lucky him, that you're giving him another chance. (MR BW, if and when you read this thread, I hope you realise what you've done. You're one lucky b*stard to be allowed another chance. I'm watching you ...)

BW, I really hope you go ahead with your plans to get together with the other Durham MNers. We all need friends, and I just wish I didn't live so far away, or I'd be knocking on your door, brandishing a nice sauvignon blanc and perhaps an enormous block of chocolate. So I hope you get to enjoy some wine, choc and good times with the Durham lot instead. Then the rest of us want to hear reports back of a really good night out!

Hi BW well I hope that things work out for you this time round. I hope he realises just how lucky he is to have you xxx

Yes Mr BW - I hope you read these threads and see what you have put your lovely wife through - you are very lucky to have such a strong and dignified woman to share you life with.

I too hope you go through with plans to meet up with the Durham lot BW (or attend our southern meet up as a VIP!). Even if your DH is back, you still both need friends.

Sounds as if your in control BW, you sound good.

FWIW I think he thinks it's a dead cert that you'll have him back, please don't make life too easy for him. Yes he's started well but so he bloody should do!

Well done BW and lots of love.

Hello BW. That's looking more promising and I'm pleased for you. I have to say you don't sound quite as ecstatic as I think you may have expected you'd feel if he came home? I hope that having him back isn't an anti-climax and that, in time, you will be happy again together. Of course there is still a lot of uncertainty and a long uphill climb ahead but it sounds like DH has started on the right foot so to speak.

I'm not sure what I think about his request to see the Relate counsellor first by himself . I'm sure it's okay but a part of me wonders if he wants to get 'in there first' with his side of the story or to tell the counsellor that there are some things he isn't prepared to discuss in front of you. Is he trying to call the shots again and direct the counselling sessions too? I'm sure the counsellor will 'manage' the situation though - they must be used to every situation.

Do you think he is genuinely sorry for what he has put you (all) through and realises how downright appalling and cowardly his behaviour has been? Do you sense that he really wants to be back with you or that his relationship with OW has run its course and lost its shine? Sorry BW not trying to be negative, just a little suspicious after all that has happened.

Anyway more importantly for the moment how is DS? Poor little fella. I'm glad he has his Daddy around to cuddle him too.

I'm glad that you have spoken with your GP and she knows what's happening. I hope she and the HV can give you ongoing support.

I have all my fingers crossed that this is the start of your new and improved marriage BW. Thinking of you lots. Stay strong and drop that wretched boiler on his toes if he dares to let you down again!

BW - hope this is the beginning of a new life for you, it will be completely different, and may take a long time to gain that trust again, and quite rightly.

Your dh worries me a little that he is still the one in control, deciding on relate (by himself) and more importantly booking into a b&b, was that so he could be with OW and have you!

I agree with you, 'spare room' if he doesn't want to, you know its all a sham 'again'

Good luck, and I really do hope it works for you all, its our silver anniversary this august aswell so I can fully sympathise with your predicament.

Hello BW, I've been a daily lurker, but only posted once. I'm so pleased for you, I hope it all works out. You are so strong, if he is as willing as he seems, you can rebuild it.

Many many good vibes and wishes to you.

Glad to hear your news BW.
Don't be tempted to brush things under the rug to be dealt with later because ds is sick.
I think if dh wants a chance to go to counselling alone let him even if you and he keep going separately as well as a couple. He may have issues to discuss that he feels will be too hurtful to you, you both have a lot to work through. You're right to be cautious and angry with him but if you want to make this work, if he sticks around this time, be careful the anger and resentment don't ruin your chances of reconciliation. Seething about it is always going to do you more damage than anyone else. Not that I'm advocating being a doormat! It may do some good to let go of that control enough to show him the full extent of the hurt he has caused because he means so much to you. I'm sure in there somewhere is the man you married. Praying for you both.

Well, if he wants a solo session before couples counselling, maybe you should do the same. That way you'll be starting on an even footing.

Really good to hear from you x

Maybe get him to head off to the STD Clinic too on his way to relate?

Very good point MadameCastafiore! BW make sure he does this, you health is very important. I don't care if he says he used protection either, there are things you can still catch even with protection. Look after yourself x

BW Havent had a chance to catch up yet - but hes back.

take is slowly and remeber you are still on that rollercoaster and you head will be spinning for a while yet.

Take care and email me if you want anytime.

thinking of you both.

Just checking in quickly. Poor DS is not having a happy time of it with his chickenpox.

DH is changing his mobile - apparently there were messages on it from the other woman's DD threatening all sorts.

I will come back when DS is away to bed - chickenpox is horrible, isn't it.

x

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