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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Support for us after their affairs

152 replies

debs05 · 20/05/2009 18:21

There have been many topics on here recently about affairs, whether to stay, chuck him out etc. I just thought what about when you start to come out the other side (together) and need support moving forward. Or just get it off your chest!

One thing I know is its not our fault,they are to blame with something missing in their lives and need something to make them feel good about themselves. Any one else up for a post affair chat?

OP posts:
alwaysindoubt · 23/05/2009 13:59

mrslemon, I really feel for you. We are several months on and I am unhappy. I can't believe I've ended up with such an apology for a man. I'm ashamed of him and ashamed 0f myself that I don't have the guts to leave.

MrsLemon · 23/05/2009 19:59

alwaysindoubt - you sound like me!! I do not really know if I actually have the guts to leave. With the kids being the ages they are I also dont want to split the family up. I keep wishing I had found out when this all started. My kids were alot younger then.

I also feel utterly ashamed of him but also myself for staying. Had this happend to any of my friends I would be telling them to leave the b***d!!! I really never thought I would be the type to stay. Funny how when things actually happen to you - you don't follow through with what you always swore you would!

debs05 · 23/05/2009 23:16

mrs Lemon and alwaysindoubt - I have always felt the same as you too - for 16 months and then something clicked and I realised that if Id actually wanted him or me to go then I would of done. He's here because I want my family and I love him and thats nothing to be ashamed of. I have said before I hated myself for not having the guts to chuck him out, or using my kids as an excuse to stay with him. But in reality I could of and would so easily chuck him out, its just that I dont want to. Dont feel bad about yourself, he's the fool. Youre not an idiot for being with him, he's the idiot for doing what he's done. Remember, you always hold the trump cards

OP posts:
alwaysindoubt · 25/05/2009 15:29

To be honest, I'm a bit frightened of my husband. I wasn't until recently. But when a big thing goes wrong, somehow it makes you look at everythign differently. He's just thrown the most monumental temper tantrum. And he makes things up. He sees things through a prism taht distorts everythign. And then he says I've doen things. And often I finish conversations with him thinking that I'm going mad. I've started writign things down so as to keep a sense of my sanity.

Mumfun · 31/05/2009 19:59

oh im struggling what to do. Appeciate some wisdom from you ladies. DH had affair for 1.5 years with OW I knew.

Found out 2 months ago. Instant reaction that couldnt make decision to split permanently but wanted 2 weeks to get my head round all that had gone on. H then said he wanted to remain separated. But we do a lot together. H has never really said sorry but he had ended the affair as he felt it was wrong (has bever been one to apologise much). We are getting on a lot better separated but I find the nights on my own hard. H is living with friends so not lonely at all and can do what he wants when he wants. I feel he has taken the control. He also said in past he didnt love me any more - felt he was more compatible with OW. He stopped affair more for children than for me.

But he has really changed since I found out affair and is much nicer to kids and me - wasnt great to us while affair was running. I thought he had depression and tried to help him -also got him to go for counselling with me - cant beleive he was having affair through this but he was - he didnt see a problem. BTW he only saw OW once a month during affair - how real was that relationship?

So anyway I am trying to get my head round it all now. I do need time. I hate being separated but I do neeed the space. He is trying to get his head round it too. The idea is to see if we can reconnect but I dont think we spend enough time together as he is away a lot for work.

So dont even know what Im asking but I think I would eventually like to get back together. He is much nicer now. But I dont know if I can deal with the trust issue and the ok to hurt me issue. Or shoudl I worry about the trust issue - there really nothing I can do is there? Its so hard- I do have feelings still for him but he has damaged them so much. I really had him on a pedestal before the last 2 years because I thought he was so great before this. Have been together 15 years and have 2 little one

Several wise people have said to give it time. I still feel shellshocked that the affair happened at all.ANy other advice very welcome!

YoVicko · 31/05/2009 23:02

I'm currently 'waiting' for my DH to come back to me, after 8 months of having us being separated with him seeing another woman. She's moved in with him and a month ago he told me he'd made a mistake and he wanted to come home. Trouble is they work in the same company - he says he's scared of what she might do and he doesn't want to hurt her. Meanwhile I'm sitting waiting like some kind of idiot. I had to practically beat a confession out of him when I suspected something - I can't wait until she suspects that somethings wrong for them - and anyway he's decided he's going to make up some cock and bull story about why they are splitting up - apparently to minimise the fall out at work. Meanwhile, every day feels like a week while I wonder if he's changing his mind.

MrsLemon · 31/05/2009 23:41

Yovicko - welcome to the crappest club in the world.

I have had the most awful weekend. Just feeling very very down. I have cried for the first time in a very long time twice this weekend. Just hurt and anger at him and the OW.

Yovicko, do you want him back really? for him? Or is it out of spite to the OW? Or is it a case of I'll have him back nd see how it goes?

Sounds to me like he is making excuses or that he wnts his cake and to eat it! But I know that in these shitty situations nothing is ever so straightforward and black and white. I am almost 18 months on and still floundering! I still find myself fantisising about revenge on the OW (there was one - the one I discoverd the very first text to. She was more than just a shag. Feelings etc between them and thats how I think I finally caught him out).

I cannot beleive the level of decption and how many women he had. SOme days it rides over me because he acts so normal. BUt then days like today it just rips me to shreds!!

Can feel the tears coming back now.

MrsLemon · 31/05/2009 23:46

mumfun - I am so sorry for you too. No real advice really.

I approached my horrific discovery in a similar way to you. I went with the attitude that I was literally in a state of absolute shock so no major decisions should be made in the heat of the moment. Only thing is - I m here 18 months on, miserable and not knowing what I want. He has returned to normal and we just plod along. Its far from a happy marriage anymore. Just make sure you dont slip back without resolving much, like we have.

I wish I knew the answers I really do.

Mumfun · 01/06/2009 07:46

oh MrsL sorry the misery has continued. But thats good advice re resolving things. Yes I wish I knew the answers too!

HappyWoman · 01/06/2009 12:17

mrs lemon

I really feel for you and i think you are living my worst nightmare.
I too dread the just plodding along and things being normal again - things can never really return to the way there were.

Do you wish you had resolved more early on?

I think the shock does take a while to wear off and there is always an element of wanting to win over the ow (if winning is a good word for it).

Is there anything small you can do to make you feel as if you have some control over even a small part of your life.

I have met up with a few others from mn and although it is not the kind of thing i would normally do it gives me a huge buzz and i know that it leaves h wondering about the person i have become - thats in a nice way by the way.

Neverthoughtidneedanamechange · 01/06/2009 14:03

Hello. I'd like to join this thread. I've been through various name changes because OW knows I post here. I found out quite recently and we are trying to work it out but it is early days.

I can understand why the affair happened but I am struggling with the fact that H never told me he wasn't happy with certain things.

I don't think he has a clue what he has done to me. I've no confidence now. He has finished it with OW but she is still sniffing around. She is at work. It was his decision to finish it and I never begged him to stay or anything like that but I get the impression she thinks he has taken pity on me and will go back to her in due course.

Who did you tell about your OH's affair? I told a couple of people and I am starting to regret it now. He is trying to change jobs but it's easier said than done at the moment and I'm getting fed up with well meant advice that he should just resign immediately and then get another job. What are we meant to live on? I am doing my best but I have to be realistic. I am finding the people I turned to for support are just adding more pressure, making it sound like another betrayal that he hasn't left his job. Surely not many people could afford to put themselves in that position? I wish I hadn't told anyone now.

abedelia · 01/06/2009 18:46

Never - the fact your H didn't tell you what was missing / wrong is his problem, not yours. He could have piped up, but he went looking for answers in someone else's knickers and that makes him a horrible, shitty person. You have nothing to worry about. I do get cross with the self-helpy term 'understanding why the affair happened and sharing the blame' - okay, it's my fault because I chose a fundamentally weak and selfish twat to father my children, but if he had issues then he could and should have said.

Most of this explaining how and why is just justification after the event. Really, it's because they fancy someone else and decide to risk everything with no regard for anyone's feeling except their own. Which is why they feel so put out and guilty / hate themselves when it all comes out. It was quite easily preventable but they know they were led by their bits and totally spineless.

There we go - shortest self-help article ever. Grr.

I totally understand your position about work - it must be bloody awful and you will just have to hang in there. How did your H end it, as this may be where the problem lies? Perhaps he just needs to be a bit more firm and put your feelings well before hers a bit more? I think men in this situation feel that as she is losing out on the prize (ie them - what a catch!) then they have to be gentle. In reality, the woman just doesn't get closure so keeps on persisting out of false hope.

We are still getting calls (8 months on) from OW's H for the reason that my H was very wet during his last call to her when breaking up with her - I bet she still thinks he is madly in love with her and pining over her but denying it, and that he will come for her at some point, so she is treating her husband like crap. This means he suspects she is still involved with my H, and hence the phone calls. (He won't leave her till they go back to their home country where the laws are less mother-centred in terms of custody rights).

Anyway, next time he calls I am going to make H speak to his crap bag of a wife and let her know she isn't wanted anywhere near either of us and neither is her H, as I am pg and cannot take the hassle anymore... I do think that if you have concerns you need to speak to your H about how and why she is still coming on to him, and what he can do or say to tell her to F-O in no uncertain terms - remind him that it is about your pride and yes, letting her know he is back with you because he wants to be and becuase he loves you more than her.

If he has to stay working there then he owes you this.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 02/06/2009 13:13

Been away for half-term, so just catching up on this thread.

Abedelia, I think you're right that next time OW's H contacts you, your DH should be dealing with it. If I were you, I'd hope he does get in touch, so that she will finally know the score. It has always sounded to me that you might get some closure if you actually heard your DH say to her that he loves you deeply, hates her and himself for what he's done and never wants to hear from her or her H again.

I'm so sorry to hear about other people's stories on here, but I don't know if this will help answer some of the questions that have been posed.

We didn't tell anyone about what had happened. Our children didn't know anything about it either. My DH had a breakdown when all this came out and he thought he had lost everything, but as he had been very unhappy at work anyway (and we think this was one of the catalysts for the affair) everyone in our life seemed to accept that his wobble was work-related. He changed jobs and working hours shortly afterwards and because he looks marvellous now and very happy, everyone thinks that his problems were work-related. There was a time when my Mum would have been intuitive enough to guess there was more to it, but she is getting older now and a bit more self-absorbed, so even she didn't guess what was going on.

For me, I knew that the only way I could deal with this was by keeping this between me and my DH. I do think that others' reactions would have been unhelpful (both the kick-him-out and forgive-him camps)and in the early days especially, I thought if I talked to anyone else about this, I would actually talk myself into leaving him. On the surface then, what people see is that we are visibly very happy and affectionate and since we weren't a publicly very lovey-dovey couple before, I do wonder whether people wonder why we are now.

If I could write a manual for getting over this, I would say these things need to happen:

On discovery, an immediate and emphatic end to the relationship with OW. If possible, an explanation of what this was (not love, just escapism) and a clear message that he is staying because of YOU and not the children.

No contact with OW thereafter at all. It is terribly difficult if they work together and as has been said, it's not easy to just find another job. I know I would have found it near-on impossible to cope if they had worked together, so I think the best you can hope for is that your DH makes genuine efforts to move, even if it means a drop in status.

Counselling, individual or together. My DH had his own counselling and this really did help, as it changed his approach to almost every aspect of his behaviour. He had run away from confrontation/difficult emotional situations all his life up till then. In the past few months, I have seen him say no to requests he would have previously said yes to, been willing to talk about anything at any time etc.

Complete and unabridged honesty, if that is what is needed by both parties. I needed to know everything. He also wanted me to be honest about how I'd been feeling at various points in our marriage and now, I really don't think there are any secrets. We didn't just look at the relationship on the run-up to, and during the affair, but the whole of it, over 24 years. We both learned a lot about each other in this process. We have a completely different relationship now.

If there is another betrayed partner involved, if you have any suspicion at all that they don't know, tell them. I wish I had - I can't bear the thought that the bitch seemed to get off scott-free and I feel wretched about her poor H, who might be persuaded to have children with her. She would be an awful mother too, so I even worry about potential DCs.

We also learned through the counselling that when someone is involved in an affair, they really don't see things very clearly at all. In his case, my DH rationalised that since he didn't love OW and still loved me, this was not a threat as he was never going to leave me for her and I would not find out. Of course, the absurdity of this is that people can never truly compartmentalise and had my DH carried on undiscovered, his appalling behaviour at home would have resulted in the marriage ending anyway. I think the betrayer also has an unbelievable level of arrogance while it is going on and they think they are bomb-proof. I never once snooped, but had I chosen to, it would have been so easy to find out. It also haunts me that someone at his workplace must have wondered why he was always texting and since he normally speaks loudly when he is on the phone to anyone, feel sure that someone must have overheard something suspicious.

I have had to examine what I would have done if someone wonderful had come along and caught my eye, while DH was behaving like he was. I suspect I would have said no, because I genuinely think that if you've got children, you should never jeopardise their happiness, but I have had to acknowledge that I might have been vulnerable myself.

I also think that as time goes on, the errant spouse becomes more and more horrified by their betrayal and so some denial creeps in. My DH still describes feelings during the affair that I don't think he actually felt at the time. We have had several challenging conversations about this and are still having them.

I do think you change as a person and I consider this as life-altering. On the positive side, I don't get so stressed about work, home or family issues now and I feel I've got a better perspective about what's really important. I've also re-discovered how much I love sex too. Apart from when we've been hurt or angry, we haven't been able to keep our hands off one another for 9 months and goodness knows what Freud would make of that one.

On the negative side, I now know he is capable of a duplicity that I never knew existed in him. I do trust him never to do anything like this again, but I don't trust him not to hurt me again in some other way, even though this seems unlikely. Like others have said, he has fallen off the most enormous pedestal. This was literally the last thing I ever thought he would do.

I also feel frightened that unbeknown to me, my life was being altered and I had no control over it. That's one of the scariest things.

And even though we had a wonderful holiday, I still haven't had that feeling of genuine and intense happiness that I used to get pre-discovery. I worry that I will never feel that way again.

Debs, you started this thread and I saw a post from you on another thread recently that suggested you were having another wobble. I know I will too, so do share.

Neverthoughtidneedanamechange · 02/06/2009 15:05

Abdelia, I'm definitely not sharing the blame. This is all his fault, not mine. And what really gets me is that I'm a very open and approachable person so he could have spoken to me easily. There's no excuse. He is to blame for what he has done. It makes me so angry.

OW's H doesn't know. I would like to tell him but I don't know how to go about it. He's not in the phone book. I know where they live but I don't want to go there, and he works away in any case. I think he has a right to know. Like you WWIFN I am not happy that she has got away with this. There will be no consequences for her if he doesn't find out.

HappyWoman · 02/06/2009 15:23

never - i actually think it is healthy to tell people - especially if you want to.

As my h left lots of people did know and now it is easier as it is not brushed under the carpet and a secret.

Mine also worked with ow - and it is hard and in my experience imposible. He needs to face up to what he has done and do everything he can to leave. Sorry but you need to know that your relationship is so much more valuable than any job.
It soon became apparent that even though work knew what went on it was not going ot work - they didnt want to lose out either. Eventually my h found another job and left - despite lots of protests and half promises that they would rather lose her. Too late by then h had found a better job.

will be back later to read other posts and catch up too.

HappyWoman · 02/06/2009 16:48

whenwilli, you have some sound advice and it sounds as if you are the one to have grown into a new person.

I too feel that i will never have those same intense feelings - i read somewhere that is a bit like finding out santa is not real. You can never go back to believing again but xmas can still be good if not in that magical way we have as a child.

I too think my h looks back and doesnt always get the facts right - he obviously had very strong feelings but cant even imagine them now.
I also dont ever think he wanted to leave me and honestly thought he could have whatever he wanted.
But because woman do think differently the ow cant understand that his marriage is actually good.

Woman do not have affairs unless they justify that they are in a crap relationship they are prepared to leave. But men will have an affair thinking it is just an 'extra'.

This is why a lot of ow find it difficult to believe that he can go back to his wife - she has had to see the wife as an awful person.
And in return we make out the ow to be the evil one.

Good luck with the still working together - it can be done but it has to be clear to everyone that he is back with you because you are the most important person in his life and that the feelings of any other woman mean nothing - and if he thinks that makes him to be a horrible person so be it.

abedelia · 02/06/2009 18:12

Sorry never - wasn't suggesting you were sharing the blame! There often seems to be pressure on us to do that but that's what really gets me... Can't you Google the husband, or do you know his company? In my mind, he does deserve to know what she's like, if only so he doesn't one day find out about the lot in one go and think his whole life has been a lie. That would be terrible.

WhenwillI - you're right about my need for closure. I'm sure she can't understand why he came back, given all the tripe he fed her. And while he has sent mails to her husband telling him it was all rubbish and meant nothing (he is obsessed with how they apparently planned to keep the affair going for a year or two till she got her UK residency visa, then she would get a divorce and they would be together - her husband has residency but she came over later so she doesn't yet), i expect she is justifying this by thinking that my H would tell her H anything to make him go away. it would make such a difference for me to hear him stand up for me and put me above her for a change.

self · 02/06/2009 19:12

some of you might remember me when i posted dh has a flea bite and the dog is on holiday-some people gave me great advice and some called me a troll, you guessed it my dh was texting his ex trainee and i found the texts and he said it was just an ego boost i asked for a divorce as he had fobbed me off before admitting as i had forwarded the texts to my phone he swore he would not be texting her again though i was tempted to call her. i decided to give our marriage a chance 3 days into our annual holiday he sent her text and i found it was mad told him it was over and he said he wanted to end the texts slowly bloody bastard so i texted her and told her i knew, the rest of the holiday was hell and the anger i cannot explain it, he said he would take a lie detector test to prove that he did not do anything. i feel like forwarding all her stupid texts back to her.

abedelia · 02/06/2009 19:42

Self - well done for facing up to her and getting it out in the open. I bet he doesn't look half as attractive now he has an angry wife on her case.

Letting her down gently is a typical excuse - either in his mind he is the great prize (ha!), he has chosen you, so she needs to be weaned off him, or he actually is still trying to have his cake and eat it by keeping you both on the go - only you know which it is as I can't guess what was in the text.

As for not doing anything - can you get evidence of days he may have been away, hotels on his bank statement, etc? Most men lie until they are confronted by something they can't fight, and if he is to start again with you he needs to admit what he did. As for 'I didn't do anything! It was just an ego boost!'. Rubbish. Remind him that doing anything he wouldn't like you to do back to him constitutes disrespect for you and your relationship.

If he won't talk I'd be tempted to speak to her - bear in mind she may be a total liar, but if he knows you have or are willing to speak to her he might confess.

Mumfun · 03/06/2009 13:35

Thanks WhenWillI and Happy Woman. I am finding your posts very helpful. A bit sad too as H ended affair pre discovery but more for kids than me -and also isnt being as loving now as he should which doesnt bode well - but still helpful advice!

debs05 · 03/06/2009 13:56

WhenwillI - yes have had a big wobble over the last week, think I might be suffering from PTSD. Its just as you wrote, all my safety has gone.

My father died 10 yrs ago when he was 53, I was 29, although my life was very hard as I was caring for my alchoholic mother, I never had chance to grieve and thought Id got over it (as had 3 very small children at the time). But I realise that this betrayal is engulfing the grief that I never let out when I lost my dad. Its like the two men that I trusted in my life have let me down.

The thought of my h and ow making plans that affected me and my children behind my back are so painful. I am truthfully just numb and devastated. I walk around almost stooping through no energy, I am waking again at night, the flashbacks and thoughts of them together are horrible.

OP posts:
WhenwillIfeelnormal · 03/06/2009 13:59

Hi MumFun. Glad we are helping. I know you are separated, but has he said what he wants to happen? Do you know with certainty that it is all over with OW? I worry with this one that he's not sorry enough and that genuine remorse is perhaps being complicated by still having contact with her. Can you do a bit of detective work? It sounds like you are in a bit of limbo at the moment and that's not good for you or your DCs.

I always worry that posts like yours get caught up in a general thread like this, so do post some more (with a bit more info) and we will try to help you specifically.

Mumfun · 03/06/2009 14:03

V sorry Debs05 - it is such a hard road after an affair. I was so angry with DH and said he had ruined everything - whether we stayed together or not.

The DH is a secure base for you when you are happily married and the affair damages it so much.Im like you in that my safety has gone - for complex other reasons too.Im just hoping that some counselling and friend support can help provide some security for me.

I started the waking again recently but the counselling is helping I think this week. Hope you can find some help for you. Im finding this thread you started very helpful - thanks.

debs05 · 03/06/2009 14:09

If Im totally honest I never really believed that he loved me as much as I loved him all through our married life. I have literally mentally carried the both of us. As Ive posted before the ow let me know that he had cheated when our first son was born for 2 yrs (only sex he said) and another shag with some other whore. So I have so much to deal with.

When our first was born he was premature and only weighed 3lb I was very lonely and depressed and my dh worked non-stop. Now I have found out that he was seeing ow it makes it all so sad. Im crying while I write this, I have given dh 21 yrs of my life and only now after I find out about his affairs and he is threatened with losing us do I believe he truly loves me, god what a price to pay!

OP posts:
Mumfun · 03/06/2009 14:17

so sorry Debs I dont know what to say but you do need to find some support for yourself. You are carrying a lot and looking after 5 kids as well so think where you can get some support. last night I told a good friend for first time and she has really helped me already by her care for me!