I am so sorry, I empathise with you so much. We have been married 27 years and my once very loving man and father seems to be to be on total self destruct.
My husband has just taken another house, despite him trying to make out that leaving us was all about money. He has criticised me non stop i.e. I, don't do enough house work, I spend too much etc (which is ridiculous because I shop at charity shops and have always economised, cooking for us and so forth)...
In the middle of a heated discussion today about things the woman next door came around about the dog and how she can't put up with it any more going into her garden; and yet he has never fenced in the garden properly to stop the dog going there. She had a right go at us.
Our one daughter has had a mega cancer scare this week, another is struggling to walk due to a medical condition, the other has just been unfairly sacked because she couldn?t concentrate on her work and had an accident. Our son has become so lazy that he is still working student hours 2 years after leaving college. Yet, if I have said anything to my husband I have been nagging him apparently, and this is why he is leaving.
Yet he seems determined to carry on with the total destruction of the family. He just picked the dog up in temper and took it away with him to give to someone else. He simply won't see that all of the problems we have been suffering have been because of the dark cloud that 'he' has brought into the house. He goes on about other people's houses, yet when I say to him to stop mixing with these people who are making him feel so dissatisfied about his life and what he has, he says I am twisting things.
I know that he's been on the Internet talking to other women about sex, I have copies of some of the e-mails. Even now that he has decided to bring our marriage to an end, he is still working and working and working (what for?). I keep asking him what for, we could have sold the house long ago and been more than comfortable somewhere else. When I said that I was going to have his books audited and the bank accounts looked into, he flew at me about not trusting him and that?s why he was bringing the marriage to an end. How can I trust him though when he's been lying to me all the time. No matter what I said he kept trying to turn it back on me again and again.
He is in the Free Masons and we have got to the point that he simply won?t have anything done in the house unless the person doing it is a Mason too, even if they are no good at what the do (and they often are terrible at it). At one time he simply wouldn?t have put up with cheap shoddy jobs; it?s all so ridiculous, it really is because they are blocking real craftsmen out of work. This is one of the reasons that he is constantly going into other people's houses who are better off finacially with bigger and better houses because they make the work reciprical, so there will never be an end to it. I have tried to tell him again ang again that he is not dependent on them to live he had his skills long before becoming a Mason , but he seems to think that he needs them now.
He has made friends with some men who have left their families (probably under similar circumstances too) to him they seem to have a fantastic life, sitting playing games on their computers all day.
So, here I am carrying all the hurt and with my life in absolute limbo, no money of my own, too old to start new career because my life has been put on hold for his and stuck in a house that's too big for me to physically manage on my own and not really well enough to move either. I don't really have the inclination. Why am I the one being punished here and having my life turned upside down?
I hope he's happy sitting in his freshly painted house without a thing out of place, it may give him time to reflect on how he been making me live these last few years.