please help my husband left today

[fadingaway]

11th August would have been our Silver wedding anniversary.

We have 5 children.

I was at work. My 11 year old rang me in floods of tears. He had taken the two youngest to nursery, left a note saying he would always love them, and just went. Left a note for me saying he's been seeing someone else for two years.

I have nobody in RL, I only had him. The younger children just keep asking for daddy, the older ones are in bits. I would have laid down my life for him. Please help me. I don't think I can cope with this. His phone is off. I don't have a clue where he is.

we now live in a little village in the north-east. I know nobody,except to say hello to.

I want to go looking but he could be anywhere and I wouldn't know where to start. Presumably this woman has a place. If I had any inkling where he could be I would go house to house.

fadingaway - what an awful dreadful thing to happen. At first I was sat there stunned at what you wrote but my eyes fell on this part of your OP.

"left a note saying he would always love them, and just went. Left a note for me saying he's been seeing someone else for two years".

Maybe I am completely wrong but that reads like he wanted to make a confession but could not face you.

I am fairly sure he will make contact and you do know where he works and who his friends are. You will find him.

What happens next is really very difficult to say.

I just don't know what to do.

i have poorly baby so may dissapear for a bit, btw, in case you think i ask and run

How cold.
Can you make contact with any of his friends to see if they can track him down ?
Any vaguely friendly neighbours or work colleagues who could help/support you at the moment - it's amazing how strangers can become friends in a crisis.

Silverlining's thread sounds a good place to talk to some poeple who are going through similar. You're not alone on this.

what do you think of him for doing this? is it a shock? i mean, is it out of character or is he usually so uncommunicative to just leave a note after 25 years of marriage

what did his dad say?

Where are you fadingaway, I'm in Sheffield, I'd be happy to give you a shoulder of support. What a horrible way to do it, quite spineless in my opinion, but that doesn't help you at the moment. He'll have to be in contact at some stage in the near future because of the children. Shit head, utter shit......

i'm sorry you are going through this

my father did pretty much exactly the same to my mother, i found the letter and i was 9, and they had been together for about 20 yrs

fwiw, painful as it is for you and your children right now, your children will be ok

we all were, my father wasnt a nice man, i actually feel in hindsight he did a good thing as i would have been a different character with more input from him, and not for the better

i know it isnt any consolation, but the kids will be ok

sorry, i was 7, i last saw him when i was 9

I think you need to try to be practical as soon as you can, get to the CAB or see a solicitor and find out what your rights are. Do you own the house? Are you on the mortgage if there is one?

Even if you are going to try to find him and persuade him to come back it's better if you get informed about your choices if he just refuses to.

Could the other woman be back in your old town, seeing as he'd been seeing her for 2 years? Maybe try calling friends there. How far away is it and could you take the kids and go back home for the bank holiday to be with family and friends.

Also - check any joint accounts and move money out of them if you can.

I don't think you can 'do' anything tonight about this. Just focus on getting kids to bed and whatever practical stuff you would normally do on a Friday night. Reassure them that they still have you, and you're not going to leave. What an utter fucker to do this to his children and you.

Has he taken all his stuff, or has he left things he'd obviously have to come back for?

Only thing I'd suggest is that if you have a joint account, can you transfer the money out to another account with only your name? Last thing you need at this point is him going walkabout with your money.

You sound completely shocked, and anyone would be, regardless of whether you had any inkling things are wrong. Walking out like he did is immature and cowardly.

I had to go in the shower and am ashamed to say I lost it. I was making these horrible animal crying noises.

We've always had separate bank accounts.

He has left a few things. The letter said he wants to sort out seeing the kids. Maybe I could post the contents of the letter to see what you all think.

I can't see past the next five minutes to be honest.

I just don't know what to do.

YOU have nothing to be ashamed about. Your husband is the one who should be ashamed.

horrible animal crying noises?

are you having a laugh?

No. I was very upset- what do you mean?

daftpunk you sound a bit cynical, like you are suggesting trip trap but in quite an insensitive way?

fadingaway I don't have any advice, just wish you strength and hope you get some rl support as well as support on here. Sounds like you and dc are going through an awful time.

daftpunk ??

FA I'm sorry I don't know what to say. I can't believe someone could be so cruel. I really hope you can call on someone from where you used to live to come be with you for a while. If not, you know there'll be lots of people here to talk to and help you through it.

Take care

SC

If people think I am a troll then I will leave. I have nobody in RL to talk to and was hoping for some advice and,to be honest, sympathy.

you didn't lose it, i'd say that was a pretty normal reaction.

get a lawyer on monday

how painful. you must tell yourself ' i will not go under'
you have five lovely children, if there wasn't any rows, inklings of this then this will be a big loss for him. i would not be surprised if he comes to deeply regret this and realise what a mistake he has made. if he was only seeing someone once/twice per week and not staying over it can't be that serious/permanent.

sorry. That came across wrong. It's only one person's posts I don't understand but if one person thinks I am trolling then maybe other would too.

daftpunk give the woman a chance ffs.

I couldn't read this and not leave a reply.

I would be in a similar state if I came home to find a similar note as I am over 3000 km from friends and family and have literally nobody here to rely on.

I would assume that Daftpunk might never have met anyone in a similar situation?

My father left my mother when I was 11. He had the bottle to tell her in person but barely as his bags were already packed and she didn't have a clue that it was about to happen either. They eventually worked through their differences once he figured out that a new woman was not the solution. He also desperately missed his children and the respect of his family and friends.

There appear to be plenty of virtual 'ears' to listen to you as you try to sort through this horrific shock but on the off chance that I can be of any help (from a great distance), I am generally about.