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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

please help my husband left today

1001 replies

fadingaway · 01/05/2009 19:28

11th August would have been our Silver wedding anniversary.

We have 5 children.

I was at work. My 11 year old rang me in floods of tears. He had taken the two youngest to nursery, left a note saying he would always love them, and just went. Left a note for me saying he's been seeing someone else for two years.

I have nobody in RL, I only had him. The younger children just keep asking for daddy, the older ones are in bits. I would have laid down my life for him. Please help me. I don't think I can cope with this. His phone is off. I don't have a clue where he is.

OP posts:
daftpunk · 01/05/2009 21:12

sorry...i think it's all bullshit...but i'm the only one who thinks that so i'll leave and let you get on with it.

izyboy · 01/05/2009 21:13

good idea daftpunk

Flynnie · 01/05/2009 21:16

FA, I am so sorry that you are going through this.
What a cold hartless bastard he is to do that to you and your children.
How are they holding up?

Flynnie · 01/05/2009 21:18

heartless

YanknCock · 01/05/2009 21:18

fadingaway, don't worry about it. Some people on MN think it's clever to be the first to shout 'troll', and will shout it when it's completely inappropriate, in hopes of being proved right later. Try not to take it personally. If I honestly thought you were a troll, I wouldn't bother responding, because a) I don't care about showing off my troll-spotting ability and b) I'd never want to be nasty to someone in case I was wrong.

Original poster
fadingaway · 01/05/2009 21:20

His dad wants to kill him, as do his brother and sister.

I don't know where to start or what to do. I can't get upset in front of the children which is why I went in the shower in the first place.

I thought he adored his children. They adore him.

Sorry this is all just rambling.

OP posts:
twoclimbingboys · 01/05/2009 21:21

FA - so sorry. He sounds like a total shit.

How are your children coping?

xxxxxx

Kimi · 01/05/2009 21:21

So sorry. Are you sure there is no one who could come and be with you?

How are your children tonight?

beanieb · 01/05/2009 21:26

You must call someone. Is there no one you can just speak to on the phone, a friend from where you lived?

Am sure everyone here can give advice and talk you through the next few hours but I really would advise talking to a RL friend if you can. Get some support from someone who really knows you, maybe someone who would be willing to come up and make sure you are OK. How far away are they?

Original poster
fadingaway · 01/05/2009 21:27

I have four DDs and a DS. DDs are 4, 11, 16 and 23. The eldest doesn't know yet. I will tell her tomorrow. She lives with her boyfriend and is very happy and I think this will shock her to the core. The 16 and 11 year olds have cried. The 11 year old asked if she will have to choose who to live with...

DD4 has asked where daddy is and I have said at work. I don't know what the hell else to say. DS1 is only 3 and he loves his daddy. He's asking for him too. Luckily when we got them from nursery they did their usual thing before bed so today has been normal for them.

DD4 has an operation booked on May 11 (very minor, but all the same).

OP posts:
Original poster
fadingaway · 01/05/2009 21:29

I really don't have anyone.My closest friends are in London.

I just want this to all go away.

OP posts:
theDreadPirateDavina · 01/05/2009 21:34

FWIW if you can post a town/city that you're near, I'm pretty sure you'll find (a small army of) a number of MNers near you... In 6 months time, you're going to wonder why you've even wasted a tear on him. Right now you're in shock. And you should cry. You should scream. You should do whatever it takes to make you feel better. Keep posting if it helps, and please do ignore Daftpunk - she's been a bit odd for a while now...

Original poster
fadingaway · 01/05/2009 21:36

I am near Durham/BishopAuckland....

OP posts:
Flynnie · 01/05/2009 21:41

I'm sorry that I am not near you.
I feel so sad and sick for you and your dc.

drlove8 · 01/05/2009 22:23

fading , i think perhaps your H is having a midlife crisis. this does not excuse what he's done, but its some kind of way to get your head around it. the fact you had no inkling this was about to happen is really saying your H did this in more of a last minute without thinking kind of way.HE IS MORE LIKELY TO REGRET THIS IN THE LONG RUN!.. you just stay strong and know that you have lots of support here on MN, if you need us.

HolyGuacamole · 01/05/2009 22:24

Wow, what a cowardly thing to do, cruel and heartless. OK, yes, he obviously could not face you but that is no excuse for leaving you in this state

I hope that very soon he will have the balls to contact you with some sort of explanation, it's the very least you deserve.

My heart goes out to you and your children.

elastamum · 01/05/2009 22:28

I really feel for you. My ex did similar and it was an absolutely awful time. But a few months on and we are settled as a smaller but still happy family. H is on his own and has just moved onto girlfrind 2 in 9 months. I fund out a lot of things I didnt know about him before and am relieved we are not together anymore. Hang in there, you will get through this xxxx

Original poster
fadingaway · 02/05/2009 02:19

I went to bed but I woke up and can't get back to sleep. I can't take this I can't

OP posts:
Worldsworstmummy · 02/05/2009 02:26

fading, I am up too. Can't bear the thought of you all alone at this time of night with this.

Worldsworstmummy · 02/05/2009 02:27

I'm happy just to listen.

hellish · 02/05/2009 02:34

So sorry you are going through this fadingaway. You sound like you have held it together to get your dc through the evening and into bed. That took some courage, I know.

Worldsworstmummy · 02/05/2009 02:36

oh dear. wish OP would come back.

MaggsS · 02/05/2009 06:47

Oh fadingaway. I am so shocked to wake up and read this.
I don't know you in RL but somehow feel in a way I do. I know that sounds silly.
I am so sorry this is happening to you.
I can't offer any advise except to say stay strong for your children.
I am here to listen. If you wish to email me for a chat you know where I am.

Longtalljosie · 02/05/2009 07:24

Hi Fadingaway - I'm so very sorry to hear this has happened to you. I think you should tell DD1 asap because while she'll have her own grieving to do about this, she's an adult so will also be able to support you back and help you with the other children.

Please call your friends in London as well - even if they can't get up to Durham just having them on the phone will be a help.

Perhaps talking to Relate will help as well?

The next few days are going to be nearly unbearable, but you can do this. Honestly you can. It's amazing what we can do when we need to. And we're all here.

Flynnie · 02/05/2009 07:39

Hi Fading, how are you all this morning?

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