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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Flippin WANKER

173 replies

StercusAccidit · 13/04/2009 15:48

DP has broken my mothers day present from DS2 in a wobbly about not being able to find a screwdriver to fit his xbox controller He had the bloody things modded and spent all morning moaning about them, then the button stuck on one so he asked about the screwdriver he had brought specially for them, i couldn't find it (had a mad tidy up the other day cos his mega fussy dad was coming) so he flipped out.

Fucking tosser pulled the fire surround off the wall as well, AND the gas fire which i will now have to replace because its a council house.
AND pulled a set of shelves off the wall breaking a very old clock and damaging some of my ornaments. WTF is wrong with these people???

I am ANGRY and UPSET about the present from DS...its the first thing i have ever had for mothers day that i didn't have to buy for myself.

He has said he will buy a new one but i said no as it wouldn't be the same.

I'm on the verge of tears as i'm writing this. What a nobber

Why do they always break MY things? My ExP was the same...None of his things got damaged ffs. I didn't trash HIS stuff when i found out he had cheated on me numerous times when i was PG and before as well.
Add to that (haven't left it till last as it isn't important because it IS) when he was chucking this wobbly DS was in his chair on the floor in the living room FFS anything could have hit him i am soooooooo angry what a twat

I feel like i have no one else to talk to posting on here is probably the wrong thing too

I thought he had changed. OBVIOUSLY NOT.

OP posts:
RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 13/04/2009 18:56

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LadyOfWaffle · 13/04/2009 19:06

Are you ok...? Are any MNers nearby..?

prettyfly1 · 13/04/2009 19:31

Stercus it was only a couple of weeks ago that he was running around promising to be different. I really think you need to get out lovely - this kind of thing is so damaging to the kids and totally unnacceptable!!!

QueenDesentialShadows · 13/04/2009 19:35

If this is your home, and your belongings he has trashed, I would advice you to call the police. He has caused criminal damage. Whatever you think, this IS domestic violence, this IS abuse. Having this incident recorded by the police might help you if the landlord kicks up a fuss about damage to the property.

Good luck getting rid of the fucker.

MuffinBaker · 13/04/2009 19:43

I wish she would come back and post [worried]

KingCanuteIAm · 13/04/2009 19:49

Stercus, you have all the advice here I could possibly give but I just wanted to post to show my support. I am not surprised you were frightened. You are worth more than this. [samile]

me23 · 13/04/2009 19:51

jeasus christ he did this in front of your baby! you are with a man who has put your baby's life in danger HE MUST GO!
how awful! you deserve so much better.

JuxaLOTmoreChocolate · 13/04/2009 20:43

Stercus, I'm really fond of you (in an MN sort of way) and I'm horrified at this. Please take steps to get this man out of your life.

Please make sure you're safe.

Paranoidornot · 13/04/2009 21:29

Stercus, I've posted before on your threads but have recently namechanged.

Where are you based? If its anywhere near me for God's sake send me an email and then come and have coffee over here. You need some support to LEAVE HIM for your kids but also for you.

Supercherry · 13/04/2009 21:47

Stercus, I don't know your history but if you've got rid of one abusive wanker then you can do it again. You need to start respecting yourself and don't allow him to put you or your children/child through anymore shit. Know it's easier said than done.

LadyOfWaffle · 13/04/2009 23:16

Hope you are ok x

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 13/04/2009 23:22

Come on love, you can do it. Get rid of him. DON'T leave it till you or one of the children are seriously hurt, scarred for life or even killed. He's not going to change. He's not going to lose that sense of entitlement. He thinks it's perfectly all right to bully and intimidate you, because he has a cock and you don't.

Desiderata · 13/04/2009 23:24

I am somewhat surprised that he's never hit you, tbh.

Most of my partners have hit me over the years. Most of them would rather hit me than rip the furniture up ... or they go hand in hand, but certainly not exclusively one or the other.

Did you have a crap dad?

Scrumplet · 13/04/2009 23:43

Sorry to hear you and your kids are witnessing this kind of behaviour in your (D)P, Stercus. It sounds utterly damaging.

I'm with those posters who say get out, and also with howtotellmum: there will be a reason why this pattern repeats itself for you - being drawn to abusive men - and your name (meaning 'shit happens') suggests you see yourself as a victim, to whom shit will, indeed, happen. This kind of outlook will invite this kind of crap. You might also want to look into codependence, although I realise that, more immediately, you need to take practical steps to get this man out of your life and make you and your children safe. You can look into why this pattern repeats itself - and how to change it - later on. It doesn't have to be this way.

You need to be benefitting personally, and as a family, from having this man in your life. Look at what he's investing in the family and relationship 'wellbeing' account, and what he's drawing out. I can't believe the account's in the black, TBH - and if it isn't, he isn't worth it; he's making your life worse by being in it.

So get out as soon as you can, and then take steps to prevent this pattern from repeating itself again. Best of luck.

macdoodle · 13/04/2009 23:51

"I KNOW he would not PHYSICALLY hurt me or DS, EVER"

worng wrong wrong and I think you know it
I have been there as many of us here have, and it gets worse you know it does !
Am so sorry SA but please enough is enough

Original poster
StercusAccidit · 14/04/2009 08:46

Sorry i didn't post yesterday.

I'm getting rid today.

You are right all of you, i feel so ashamed and fucking stupid for allowing him the opportunity to do this to us again.

And sorry for moaning about broken stuff obv i was in shock and all my priorities were upside down. Yes he could have killed DS...thats what's made my mind up to be honest.. the sight of everything coming down around him. I'm still shaking when i think about it.

My mums coming to take me today to give him till the weekend to take all his stuff without me here so he can't apologise or beg to stay or start being nice.

Thanks you all very much for your support.

OP posts:
Comewhinewithme · 14/04/2009 08:55

Well done SA ((((hugs)))).

EachPeachPearMum · 14/04/2009 08:55

You weren't moaning, and you were in shock. You have nothing to apologise for.
I am so glad you have support, and sending you warmth and strength.
Good luck- and people are always on here when you need it- even if you just need a pep talk, cheering up, or stupid mindless laughs. They can help so much with info and support too.

EachPeachPearMum · 14/04/2009 08:55

You weren't moaning, and you were in shock. You have nothing to apologise for.
I am so glad you have support, and sending you warmth and strength.
Good luck- and people are always on here when you need it- even if you just need a pep talk, cheering up, or stupid mindless laughs. They can help so much with info and support too.

insertwittynicknameHERE · 14/04/2009 09:00

Good luck. Stay strong.

poopscoop · 14/04/2009 09:04

oh dear, poor you and the DC. You are deffo doing the right thing. Keep strong and go through with your plans. Do not let him talk you out of it. It really is for the best and you will see in time that you are doing exactly the right thing for you and the DC.

TrillianAstra · 14/04/2009 09:05

Good luck, hope he tries to behave like a normal human being for a bit while you sort thing out.

pottycock · 14/04/2009 09:10

I knew this wold be you when I saw the thread title and reading it has made me feel really physically sick. You've got to get away from him love - he's going to end up seriously hurting or killing you and/or your children if you don't. It's not a possibility - it's an inevitability.

What an absolutely despicable rat. I'm absolutely horrified he smashed your house up as your three month old lay on the floor in the midst of it. Please please take heed and don't wait for him to smash you or the baby up next time.

pottycock · 14/04/2009 09:11

Head up pet. Good luck.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 14/04/2009 09:29

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