Oldladyknows nothing.. i am sorry about the position you find yourself in with your DIL.. 'having' to be nice and keep things amicable lest they split up and you don't see your GC.
However, if the worst comes to the worst you can make a court application to have contact.
Not nice, sorry but may come in handy..how could anyone stand by and watch the 'second best' GM / GP lose contact is beyond me.
The child is entitled to see people who would have a good effect on their lives and who love them.
Try not (and this is NOT a MIL dig lol) to say things about her parenting because, as you rightly say, she is very young, and back in the day i had my DD, it seemed every man and his dog was there undermining my parenting, making comment, ect. Equally, i really didn't have a clue. I was 17, had not had a good upbringing myself, so ..... was clueless. But i WANTED to be a good mum to my DD. The willing was there.
The things i was told to do probably made sense, and if they were delivered differently i would probably have listened, but i shut off because it seemed like it was backed by an undertone of, 'you don't know what you're doing, here, let me'
Not so much MIL as very overbearing SIL at the time, but also my own mum. My ExP was also full of the 'my mum says you aren't holding the baby right'.
It used to infuriate me. Luckily, i had an auntie i was very close to who offered wordless guidance. She constantly praised how well i was doing, chatted brightly while hoovering my house, picking up baby clothes, washing up. I didn't feel at all intimidated or upset by her approach.
I still go to her now, and i have thanked her, we are very close, even though she has long split from my uncle. She offered me nothing but friendship, no derogatory or judgy comments, of course as i didn't find her threatening, or feel that she was sitting there silently thinking i was a crap mum, even when i nearly dropped DD, or did her nappy up lopsided..i couldn't get annoyed out of guilt or feelings of inferiority, could i?..jeez, we all had to start somewhere didn't we? Babies don't come with instruction books, its easy to forget how hard things are, or how nervous we all were as new mums, how big the responsibility is, and, of course, how not EVERYONE is a 'natural' mum.
Its easy to 'take over' when you feel that it would be quicker, or better, if you just did it, i get impatient when my DS does the washing up, for example, so i would rather do it, but i have had to learn to take a step back, or he will grow up not knowing how to, or expecting his GF to take over, as i do... then i WILL be berated as a MIL for not 'housetraining' my DS.
Why does anyone, MIL, DP, mother..why..do they feel they can just grab your baby from you? No wonder people get angry.
Then, things are said that needn't be said, and off it goes. The start of a circle. If the DIL is young, or feels a bit nervous, other people interfering or taking over causes anger as they are made to feel inferior.
It doesn't matter who it is.
For example, i had a god almighty row with DP who constantly tutted over me dressing DS2 with great care and nervousness. Taking him off me, and ragging his clothes over his head, making him cry, ..... all the while announcing that 'you have to be confident' confident, yes, not rough ffs..... start of big row which i won when DS stopped crying as i continued to (albeit very slowly) gently and brightly chatting away while i did so.
Who gives a toss if it took half an hour?
DP wonders why DS clings to his shoulder when being held, but not to mine..could it be because he doesn't feel safe?
I don't comment, but i KNOW my own baby.
And now, i am not a nervous 17 year old who feels like everyone else is better.
I carried, gave birth to, and feed my baby how i want to.
Anyone who has anything to say WILL get a mouthful if they think they can comment in a veiled nasty way.
Otherwise, i will listen, but don't be surprised if i don't take your advice.
'Tis MY baby and don't you forget it.