Wondering if DH is using Cocaine....

[pinkcorsage]

I know he has done drugs when he was younger - but only recreational with friends etc. He is now in his 40's with respectable job and two children. I am convinced that he is using coke sometimes, as he is a terrible liar and often comes home with one bloodshot eye, saying he got dust in his eye, or last night it was that he had been at the pub and had a bag of peanuts and rubbed salt in his eye. Also on these occasions his breath has a sort of metallic smell. When we first met about five years ago, we went out to a big event and he went off to get a drink for us. He came back about half an hour later with no drinks! But rubbing his nose and sniffing. I was fuming but didn't know him well enough to confront him at the time. Also we went to a friends wedding 2 years ago and he went off to the toilet for ages then came back saying that he had perked up a bit and he was quite restless. I probably ruined my friends wedding but I confronted him this time and he said I was being ridiculous and that he hadn't done that in years, but I know for a fact that other people at the wedding were snorting coke (he knew nobody there so not sure how that all came about.) Anyway just not sure how to tackle this. I have tried to just forget about the occasions I suspect as I know I can't prove anything, and if I say anything he will just deny it and we will have a massive argument. I know that if I am right then it is only occasional use, but still.....I don't want to be with someone who is lying to me and doing drugs when we have a family. Or does anyone think he's telling the truth????!

I have not ignored OP, which you would know if you read the thread. Say, my post on 25-Mar-09 19:52:55.

And even if I had... what now, nobody on MN is allowed to post to others on a thread? Everybody has to respond to OP?

Yes, it did take a long time to get my point across and correct some of the ignorance re chemistry in general on this thread. That was probably boring for most. I can't see how that was my fault, though, given that I have been very clear and repeated pretty much the same thing for over ten posts.

To be fair, when asked, the OP did say

"don't think you are hijacking thread at all - didn't mean this to turn into a mass debate (lol!), but i think it is really interesting to see other peoples viewpoints as if we were all sitting looking each other in the eye at a coffee shop then I don't know if everyone would be so honest. Some might, but I think a lot of people still feel uneasy talking about drugs for various reasons"

this was RE the conversation Attila and I were having. From that conversation came the statements about cement and by then Cote HAD already addressed the OP RE her questions about her husband.

Infact, Rhubarb, your first post on this thread completely ignored the OPs original questions.

Not trying to point score but I think Cote was not being unreasonable to correct some of the statements made.

To be fair, when asked, the OP did say

"don't think you are hijacking thread at all - didn't mean this to turn into a mass debate (lol!), but i think it is really interesting to see other peoples viewpoints as if we were all sitting looking each other in the eye at a coffee shop then I don't know if everyone would be so honest. Some might, but I think a lot of people still feel uneasy talking about drugs for various reasons"

this was RE the conversation Attila and I were having. From that conversation came the statements about cement and by then Cote HAD already addressed the OP RE her questions about her husband.

Infact, Rhubarb, your first post on this thread completely ignored the OPs original questions.

Not trying to point score but I think Cote was not being unreasonable to correct some of the statements made.

Goodness me. The Cote explaining technical terms to Attila has taken over the thread.
Mind you, I was a bit shocked at Attila's post of "There is no such thing to my mind as "recreational" drug use and its a poor excuse,", becasue I disagree with that.

But, lets get back to OP. I agree with others, she needs to get to the bottom of this. what is acceptable, to HER. and no lying. lying is never o.k.
What has happened OP ?

Um, actually I posted some stuff for corsage to print out and show to her dp to shame him into stopping.

That was my first post.

Thank you.

Agree with annie. Suspect he has lied. How to move forward ? say no more lies, no more taking. Or else you will have to leave. Can not see the point of pushing and pushing for him to admit what he has previously done. what will that achieve ? think you just state it , as if, this stops now. From now on ? That gives him the chance to put it right.
How does that sound ?

I agree. Tell him you know. Expect denials at first but just tell him straight that you know. Then tell him that it's got to stop. He's taking you for a fool. Print out this thread, or some of the links we've given. Those are your reasons why you want him to stop. You'll try and help him, but if there is one thing that will break up this relationship, it's his dishonesty.