Wondering if DH is using Cocaine....

[pinkcorsage]

I know he has done drugs when he was younger - but only recreational with friends etc. He is now in his 40's with respectable job and two children. I am convinced that he is using coke sometimes, as he is a terrible liar and often comes home with one bloodshot eye, saying he got dust in his eye, or last night it was that he had been at the pub and had a bag of peanuts and rubbed salt in his eye. Also on these occasions his breath has a sort of metallic smell. When we first met about five years ago, we went out to a big event and he went off to get a drink for us. He came back about half an hour later with no drinks! But rubbing his nose and sniffing. I was fuming but didn't know him well enough to confront him at the time. Also we went to a friends wedding 2 years ago and he went off to the toilet for ages then came back saying that he had perked up a bit and he was quite restless. I probably ruined my friends wedding but I confronted him this time and he said I was being ridiculous and that he hadn't done that in years, but I know for a fact that other people at the wedding were snorting coke (he knew nobody there so not sure how that all came about.) Anyway just not sure how to tackle this. I have tried to just forget about the occasions I suspect as I know I can't prove anything, and if I say anything he will just deny it and we will have a massive argument. I know that if I am right then it is only occasional use, but still.....I don't want to be with someone who is lying to me and doing drugs when we have a family. Or does anyone think he's telling the truth????!

Regardless of what one thinks of the possibility of recreational drug using, surely the fact that someone is lying about their drug use is a classic warning sign of abuse?

winky - it matters if that statement is being used to suggest that recreational users are somehow involved in all these kinds of criminal activities (Burglaries, muggings, knife crime, gang culture, assaults).

Fair enough many Many pimps are drug dealers but the convers statement "many drug dealers are also pimps" is far from true IMO. Certainly not all drug dealers are pimps!

"surely the fact that someone is lying about their drug use is a classic warning sign of abuse" Abuse of trust, yes. And as far as the OP is concerned I do think she needst to have a frank conversation with her OH about how much a breaking of that trust would matter to her. I think that is the advice that has been given in this thread RE her situation.

If you buy drugs, you support such crime all over the world, whether they are for recreational use or not.

It's such BS this recreational use.

If you're going to use drugs, then at least be informed about what it all entails.

Just to be clear: you buy drugs, you generate demand, you give money to the industry, you contribute to the vast profits and violence of the cartels, dealers etc.

It's not hard.

"Why would I want to poison myself regardless of how it is made and what it is cut with?. Its all poisonous crap regardless of what it in it." I agree, this is absolutely true. Many people every day imbibe substances (not just drugs) which are poisonous crap though. People make those choices because they seek whatever pleasure those substances give them.

I don't think there are many people who don't do anything which is damaging at some point, and as is true of food, Beer etc some people have too much and that is when it becomes damaging.

Sorry if you believe I am justifying drug use, I still think that you and I are not polar opposites but that while I am somewhere near the middle you are quite far over one end.

You believe drug use = addictin because your only experience of drug use (other people's) has been that of addiction.

All people have been saying, which may come over as trying to justify it, is that not all drug use is dangerous or addictive/habitual.

"If you're going to use drugs, then at least be informed about what it all entails."

I think a lot of the posts here have shown that people Are informed about what it entails.

Attilla, unfortunately, has posted some stuff earlier in this thread which is really not true. I would say - if you are going to discuss drugs and drug use and give examples of why they are bad then it is eaqually important to be informed.

as a recreational user of drugs i accept that when i partake in certain activities i am supporting crime. i wish it weren't true and i wish the gov. would look to legalise certain substances so as to cut off the supply of cash to the criminals but it's unlikely to happen anytime soon so i have to accept that my activities are criminal and they support a criminal trade.
i do however try and minimise the amount of cash i hand over to these criminal cartels. so for the most part i but my weed from a friend who grows his own (and yes i know this is still illegal so i am technically giving it to a criminal,but i'm talking about keeping it away from the cartels involved in terrorism and people trafficking) and i have started taking the legal pills they sell in head shops more often.
just wondering what do the anti-drug people (and i don't mean that to sound devisive or that i think these people are prudes,just can't think of a better term) think of the legal highs like salvia or herbal pills? they are taxed and legal so don't support criminality.

I'm not anti drugs as such, I am just anti my dh doing drugs..and then lying about it!.. IMO, it is up to the individual person what they wish to do, and if they want to consider the consequences. I've always said no to drugs, not because I'm a "prude", but because I have managed to live my life, have some fantastic nights out clubbing and enjoy myself fine as it is, and I've never felt the need to introduce something into my life that could potentially mess things up.
Have smoked weed though, but I don't really count that. (prepares for backlash)
I'll be totally honest and say that I don't know enough about the background of the drugs trade to comment on that but I am learning more from this thread.

I think legal highs are fine because they are legal. Also, maybe hypocritically, I don't have a problem with someone who grows a cannabis plant for their own use. I don't think that other substances should be made legal though. You only have to go to a place like Amsterdam so see why.

Drugs DO have a responsibility for crime, addiction or recreation, this country or other countries.

I've done soft drugs way in my past. I wouldn't do it now and I believe in personal choice. If someone wants to take it, it is up to them and not really for me to judge, but they need to realise the consequences in terms of how it affects personal relationships, the crimes they are supporting when they pay for the drugs, legality etc.

HERE is a link about Alex James from Blur when he went to Colombia. You can watch the programme on that page too.

It gives a very harsh and realistic picture of what exactly is involved in the cocaine trade. It's a very good programme.

HolyGuacamole I had to Google Amsterdam to try to work out what you mean by "I don't think that other substances should be made legal though. You only have to go to a place like Amsterdam so see why" but am still unsure.

what do you mean?

I found this about drug enforcement in the Netherlands.

says

"The Netherlands spends more than ?130 million annually on facilities for addicts, of which about fifty percent goes to drug addicts. The Netherlands has extensive demand reduction programs, reaching about ninety percent of the country's 25,000 to 28,000 hard drug users. The number of hard drug addicts has stabilized in the past few years and their average age has risen to 38 years, which is generally seen as a positive trend. Notably, the number of drug-related deaths in the country remains amongst the lowest in Europe."

I'm talking about 'recreational'. Sorry, I'm not great at explaining myself sometimes.

What I meant was that when you go to Asterdam, it is chock a block with dodgy people walking behind you trying to sell you cocaine or whatever, in pubs, clubs etc. Many people who are into recreational drugs visit Amsterdam because of the legality of Cannabis and/or availability of other drugs, legal or not.

Don't get me wrong, parts of Amsterdam are beautiful but the main drag can be pretty scary and intimidating. For me, it's an example of why we shouldn't really legalise drugs in the way that they have. It attracts many innocent users, but it also attracts many, many people for the wrong reasons, people who are there solely to take advantage of the tolerance.

namechangingdudette here is your proof, straight from the Home Office no less.

I'd like you to prove that pimps do NOT deal in drugs. You may know the odd drug dealer who doesn't deal in prostitution, but I'll bet no-one knows a single pimp who doesn't also deal in drugs.

What do you think drugs money gets spent on? If your dp spends £50 on a line of coke, say, where you do think that money goes?

HolyGuacamole Ah - I see what you mean. I have had that kind of experience in Amsterdam and you are right, it's not pleasant.

Rhubarb I can't prove that some pimps don't deal drugs and was never disputing that some do. Like I said Some do I am sure. Not all but some. Just as not all drug dealers are pimps.

"but I'll bet no-one knows a single pimp who doesn't also deal in drugs." I think that's quite a risky bet for you to be making to be honest so I'll not take up on it.

The article says "Something like 80% of women in prostitution are controlled by their drug dealer, or their pimp or their trafficker," - that leaves 20% who are not - I am guessing some of them just don't have a pimp and some of them are not controlled by their pimp. Sadly Prostitution and drugs do often go hand in hand but that doesn't mean that all pimps who supply drugs to prostitutes are also dealing drugs to other people.

I would be interested in reading the report that Fiona MacTaggart is talking about though so will listen to the programme when I get the chance.

May, T et al, ?Street Business: The links between sex and drug markets?, Home Office, Policing and Reducing Crime Unit: Police Research Series, Paper 118, 1999

Look up this paper, it has all the evidence you will ever need. The drugs industry and prostitution go hand-in-hand.

ME at 13.53 "Sadly Prostitution and drugs do often go hand in hand"

Rhubarb at 13.58 "The drugs industry and prostitution go hand-in-hand"

clearly I am not disagreeing with you on that.

Of course neither of us are saying that all drug dealing and prostitution go hand in hand

Not at all! I am clearly saying that drugs and prostitution go hand in hand and you are saying that: "Sadly Prostitution and drugs do often go hand in hand"

I think we have just have to agree to disagree there!

Tut!

not all prostitutes use drugs is what I am saying, and not all pimps control 'their' prostitutes with drugs - that's what I am saying.

And also that not all drug dealers are involved with prostitution.

What I meant to say is "Of course neither of us are saying that all drug dealing goes hand in hand with prostitution"

"The article says "Something like 80% of women in prostitution are controlled by their drug dealer, or their pimp or their trafficker," - that leaves 20% who are not - I am guessing some of them just don't have a pimp and some of them are not controlled by their pimp. Sadly Prostitution and drugs do often go hand in hand but that doesn't mean that all pimps who supply drugs to prostitutes are also dealing drugs to other people."

So what? I really don't see what the point of this line of argument is? What's it proving? Drugs and prostitution are for the most part interlinked.

And why wouldn't a pimp who supplies drugs to prostitutes not deal drugs to other people? Why would a dealer miss out on a business opportunity like that?

But what I am saying is that many pimps also deal in drugs.
What you are saying is that some pimps may deal in drugs.
What I am not saying is that no drug dealers are pimps.
What you are not saying is that all pimps are drug dealers and should rot in hell.

So I think we both agree on a common disagreement there!

Winky - I agree that there is no point to this line of argument, it wasn't me who introduced the link between prostitution and drug use into the discussion about recreational drug use though.

Rhubarb I am a bit confused by all the 'nots', but I agree with you that I am not saying all pimps are drug dealers and that neither of us are saying that all drug dealers are pimps.

Yes many pimps are involved in drugs and some of them deal. Some drug dealers are pimps. Not all drug dealers are pimps.

I don't believe in hell, I don't wish that anyone should rot in a hell that other people believe in.

lol at the common disagreement

May, T et al, ?Street Business: The links between sex and drug markets?, Home Office, Policing and Reducing Crime Unit: Police Research Series, Paper 118, 1999

Whilst I am not saying that there is a link between recreational drug use and prostitution, what I am saying is that these very mc men buy their drugs from somewhere right?
So who supplies them and what do they spend that drug money on?
We're not talking little old ladies growing cannabis in her spare room here, we are talking about cocaine.

The dealers who supply the drug, if not involved in prostitution and crime themselves, are in turn buying it from people who are.
The money involved ends up paying for knives, guns and other weaponry. It funds criminal gangs.
Cocaine is smuggled into this country - how?

People who use it for recreational purposes might think they are worlds apart from the druggies you see in the gutter. But their money goes to the same people and ends up funding the same things.

Attila - You now say "all sorts of chemicals goes into its manufacture" whereas previously your claim was that cocaine is "often cut with ammonia and cement dust". From this change of wording, I can only assume that you have now seen that you were wrong.

All sorts of chemicals go into the manufacture of all sorts of things. The definition of a chemical reaction is that the end product does not contain any of these chemicals. Yes, cocaine is chemically synthesized, with addition of other chemicals. So what? Did anyone here think it grew on trees?

"Why would I want to poison myself"

I don't care one bit what you eat/drink/smoke/snort/inhale/inject or otherwise ingest. What annoys me is that you can't show any proof or even any source that says cocaine is "often cut with ammonia and cement dust", what you say is wrong and you don't have the intellectual honesty to admit it.