I slapped the ow last night and i feel soooo much better!

[ambercat]

thats it really, feel like i have closure now!!

"You don't have a right to sexual exclusivity from anyone"

Er, yes, actually you do when you've made marriage vows.

But she doesn;t have the right to enforce his faithfulness by the means of physical violence.

Where is the controlling behaviour anyway??

she wasn't enforcing his faithfulness with phyiscal violence fgs
she was giving the ow a much needed slap

She isn't enforcing anything with violence Have you actually read the thread? She slapped the tart once. She's not beaten her DH to a pulp when he strays, she hasn't followed the tart around beating her up.

SGB.
Married couples DO have the right to expect complete sexual fidelity - its in the vows!!
Even if not married, this is a deal breaker in most relationships, just because you don't insist on it doesn't make it the same for every relationship and it doesn't excuse men shagging around because they are too gutless and weak to address the problems in their marriage

She's not said "Do X or I'll slap you"

you sound like your arguing for arguing's sake tbh
or do you have some deeper reason for your comments? someone slapped you in public?

so tell us the lead up to the 'slap and splash' !!!

No I simply despise the idea that it's OK to hit other people as a way of enforcing monogamy, or that sexual jealousy excuses violent behaviour.

I think some people only read the OP because Amber did go on to say that the OW has been playing her up. I'm sure if it had just been the affair, the OW had gone into another relationship and they bumped into each other a year later she wouldn't have felt so angry.

I've had a stalker and I've also worried about a cheating partner. Not knowing what the stalker is going to do next, what you're going to come home to is the worst. I can't imagine what it must be like to have the OW hanging around all the time making your life a misery.

I'd be interested to know what the OW has been doing to Amber this last year, just to put it all into context.

OP Can understand why it happened, but personally think it was the wrong thing to do and not so sure you have got 'closure' as you are posting on here about it and there may be further consequences to your actions.

Did you just see her, saw red and slapped her or was there any interaction before? Had you been drinking?

I take it none of you watch any soap operas then where this type of behaviour is normal? Surely to watch it is encouraging the writers to keep writing violence in the soaps?

I would hope that I'd never do what the OP did, but until that situation arrives (and I hope to goodness it never does), I cannot say how I'd feel or what I'd do.

But I've been angry enough before now to hit out at people. We are all capable of a red mist situation, it just depends where your red button is set.

sgb - you take my breath away - not in a good way [fucking dis-belief at someone elses sanctomonious, self rightgious, 'pc libralism' shit] emoticion

Only read OP.

GOOD FOR YOU. Wish I had done it. Very satisfying I imagine.

Yes, monogamy is in traditional marriage vows.

However, marriage vows say nothing about smacking someone or pouring drinks over them. The vows exists between the couple, it is up to the couple to enforce live by those vows.

Breaking those vows gives choices. Stay and work thru it or leave, get divorced. Nowhere does it say 'hit'. There is an entitlement to divorce for affair type behaviour is what I am saying. Why would anyone even bother wasting their enjoyment of a night out by hitting someone.

If OW is a stalker and causing no end of problems, call the police?

If OP had asked before the night out "look, I am going on this night out, OW is going to be there, shall I smack her?". I'd guess that most people would have said "no, don't smack her but instead make sure you look fantastic, act with dignity and rise above it".

I don't suppose she went out thinking that she was going to smack anyone.

That's the trouble with these red mist situations, you never see them coming. It's the straw that breaks the camel's back.

I've snapped before now - haven't you?

If only life was that black and white HG.
In an ideal world we would all be as calm and ratioal as this but as Rhubarb said everyone has their red mist moment

Rhubarb: Is your point that stupid people copy what they see in the soaps? I suppose some do (but in that case there would be far more people shagging their step-parents and gazillions more long-lost identical cousins turning up on doorsteps as well as implausibly fortunate coincidences...)
JesusWN: Yep, I do feel superior to people who think they're entitled to hit other people due to sexual jealousy. Because I am better than that.

Yes, I've seen red mist but I've never hit anyone. I almost, very nearly, poured a glass of Pernod over a rancid horrible guy in a pub once, but, I never actually done it. It was a fleeting raging moment that I never acted on and I'm glad.

I understand the anger. I really do. I have been that angry. I just wouldn't make my actions worse, or as bad as the person who has slighted me in the first place. This has all happened well after the affair. There comes a time, for your own sanity, that you have to just drop things in your mind and move on.

Sometimes...a slap in the face is called for! You've never hit anyone before - this was a good place to start, I'd say. Now you need to take up kickboxing

Okkkkaaayy and, may I ask: Have you slapped your DH????????????????

Cos, by the way, he's the one that cheated on you, treated you like a fool and did a good job on making it someone else's fault.

If you did that to me, I'd bloody well press charges.

I do worry about the future sometimes.

I was slapped in public once by a stranger.
it is the most humiliating thing I think I have ever experienced.
Not really sure why I added that.....

as you were....