I slapped the ow last night and i feel soooo much better!

[ambercat]

thats it really, feel like i have closure now!!

Actually, no... I'd have slapped you back and THEN pressed charges.

I've just flicked through this thread: You have EVERY right to expect respect and monogamy from your DH but the OW, presumably, wasn't part of your little pact on wedding day.

Why women spend so much time being angry with other women when they should really be angry with the men 'they love' is beyond me.

Grow up, wake up, smell the coffee. the onyl person worthy of your anger is HIM. not HER.

i am shocked that so many on here who are mothers and responsible for the moral standards of the next generation(s) feel they can justify this and worst of all in some cases applaud it

sgb - your opinions mean nothing to me since you told us that you would help/condone/give positive advice to one of your dc if they wished/aspired to become a sex worker

i will go go with my moral compass thanks.

at what point should one stop 'fighting' for one home, family, children etc.?

sgb - your use of wording such as 'stupid' is actually far worse than physical violence. Because what you are doing is using your moral superiority to get one over someone you see, as lower down in the social scale than you. You are belittling them in public, calling them names as if you are at school. Yet you still try to act as though you have the higher moral ground.

You don't.

Some of us would act with dignity in that situation I'm sure. But others just snap.

I have a short fuse and whilst I'd love to say that I wouldn't, because I don't condone violence in any form. I cannot because that situation has not happened to me. We cannot say with true certainty what we would do.

What I won't do is gleefully stone the OP. Because that makes me worse than her.

The DH stopped fighting for his family when he did the dirty.

i have seen the red mist - i too never hit anyone at the time - just broke a few things - my things so i was even angerier after too, but i completly understand that overwhelming urge and think anyone that can control it is brilliant.

I have also never been the ow - and dont think i ever would (could never knowingly destroy someones world - be it my responsibility or not).
But if i was ever the ow i would fully expect to get a slap at the very least.

I don't disagree with the anger or even the slap - just it was directed at the wrong person.

The OP isn't wrong, but somehow I doubt that the OW dragged OP's DH into bed and made him have sex

Too many women blame other women for their problems, and (IMHO) it's because it makes it so much easier than to actually face the fact that something made her DH be unfaithful...

It's so easy to say: I'm great, DH is great, it was all the horrible OW... NOt likely!!

I suppose the difference is that her DH is sorry for what he did and is trying to make it up to her.
The OW however, is showing no remorse for the trouble she caused and is rubbing Ambercats nose in it.
Noddy - just because we are mothers, we are still human and still react to provocation.
We are none of us perfect and I'm sure the moral standards of the next generation will be far more affected by fathers who have dumped their families for a bit of skirt when the mood took them than by their mothers anger at the tart who helped them to do that.

I thought that SGB was a staunch feminist, yet it seems the 'if you were looking after him he wouldn't need to stray' side is stancher!
Who would have thunk it?

i don't agree.I am not saying mothers should never lose it God knows we are tested at times but I am shocked that people are codoning and applauding it.the ow wouldn't have had the opportunity if the man wasn't up for it.

Hang on, HappyWoman - If OP's DH is capable of decieving his wife why is it SOOOO incomprehensible that such a man is capable of decieving another woman???????????????????????????????????????????????????

Why do all women think that they, and only they, are the wronged party? Lots of OW get hurt and badly hurt because they fell for a pack of lies.

Ginny - The DH has shed a few scales and left someone else carrying all the responsibility.

We are all responsible for our actions.

Good on the DH for 'making up' to his wife

Still doesn't make it anyone else's fault.

No one can break up a happy marriage.

Snort - for some reason when I read this I thought it was a euphemism for masturbastion that I'd never heard - as in "I slapped the ow and it was lovely"!!

what mrsruffalo said!

I don't think this woman needs to justify her behavior. She did it. It felt good. She is not prone to violence. Look - the sky has not fallen in!

What is up with calling women 'tarts'?

Those women are presumably single and can date who they like. From I've learned on here, married men who cheat will lie endlessly to both of the women in their lives, and will go for the classic 'my wife won't have sex with me' line etc.

This is just rank misogyny in my view. If a married person cheats with a single person then the married person is the one cheating/ having an affair etc.

Sometimes I wonder what decade we live in when we charge women with the responsibility for men's behaviour, and slate them if they manage to 'lead a man astray'. Why do we refuse to accept that men make their own choices?

As for slapping anybody, words fail me. Absolutely nothing to be proud of.

hopefully he dh is so very sorry for what he did and has probably enabled ambercat to move on without the need for a slap.

My h is still so very full of remorse - i have had nothing from the ow. Dont expect it really, but it would have made it easier to forgive her for her part if she had.

I wouldnt do anything now but there was a time when i would have, now i wouldnt waste my energy except perhaps to thank her for the crisis that made me take stock and 'improve' my marriage.

Someone once said to me dont face the ow until you could hug her - i have thought about that a lot and so directed my anger elsewhere - mainly pillows.

But who is to say who is right.

am on the side of 'well done'.

I slapped a woman once, altho for different reasons (she threatened to mow down my children among other threats), and it made me feel very strong.

that said, I then rang 999 and reported MYSELF for assult as I felt so shocked and mortified too!

I assume this has helped all the pent up feelings and you can now move on??

god monkeytrousers do you really think that?lots of things might feel good but they aren't right

oh i feel just as sorry for the ow who is lied to - just not the ones who know he is married and has kids.

Of course he can lie - to dw and ow. However at the point that ow finds out he is married and it was clear that he is with wife then ow should not cause trouble.

Agree with Morriszapp.

We harp ON AND ON about inequality, but we (women) are to blame more than anything else. We seem incapable of blaming a poor man for keeping his dick in his pants. it's always got to be a woman's fault...

I hate all this 'tart' and 'slut' terminology to describe this OW

How do we know she wasn't fed a thousand lies by this man??

I have found myself the ow, I didn't know he was married! He didn't tell me, I believed him, I found out 4 months into the relationship. When I found out he spent 2 days and nights telling me how sad and unloved he was, how he loved me, how unfair his wife was. I ended it but not immediately, it took a few days. This man I believed, I had fallen for him. I did walk away but I can see how some women may stay waiting for the promises to come true.

I'm not a tart or a slut and I don't think many women that find themselves with a married man are either. Violence just makes you look deranged and that the husband may have been telling some truths after all

Hang on, the OW is now with someone else... How is that causing problems? What, by not 'banishing' herself from the wife's area?

What are we? F'ing animals, with 'territories'??????????????

Pscyomum your story is totally different. Anyone who threatens your kids is walking on very thin ice!!

i do think it is the womans fault if she knowingly sleeps with a married man. Sorry if that is old fashioned but i hope to teach my children those morals.

Of course men (and woman) lie to get what they want.

But i know that unless i had cleared it with the wife if i slept with a married man i would be causing some woman pain. How can i justify that to myself - knowing that my actions would cause pain. Even if i am not wholly responsible i would still know i would be. Sorry could live with that.

No, Happywoman, It's the married man's problem / fault.

If she gets the 'my wife and I are basically separated', 'my wife and I are only together for the kids', 'my wife is seeing someone else'

All these things can distort the situation and make lines very blurred.

I'm not saying it's right, but when it comes to a marriage, it's up to the two people in it to make it work.

No one on the outside can make it work, and no one on the outside can break it.