I slapped the ow last night and i feel soooo much better!

[ambercat]

thats it really, feel like i have closure now!!

I completely agree Ginny, having been subjected to dv.

Actually i think i would have the same empathy for a man that hit a woman as a one off outburst of anger, or a parent who has lost it and gone too far.

We are all human and we are all allowed to make mistakes and should be forgiven for them.

A slap to the ow is nothing like the same thing as staying in a violent relationship. But if you want to compare - then the advice should be to the ow - now run away as fast as you can before it happens again.

A genuine one-off slap where there seems to be some justification cannot be in anyway compared to staying in a violent relationship.

I would even go to say that i would slap some of the ow of friends - having witnessed the devistation left behind.

Now for the cheating H - i would most certainly be arrested for that .

"Actually i think i would have the same empathy for a man that hit a woman as a one off outburst of anger, or a parent who has lost it and gone too far.
"

and that's all i was asking.

how on earth can this be compared to dv?

For one, the ow isn't living with the op.

Secondly, the ow doesn't love the op, which is often one of the reasons why women stay in violent relationships, because they love their partner and believe they will change.

It was a one off slap.

No not ideal but definitely not comparible with domestic violence.

ok - what if teh OW had slapped the OP back? Justified? I mean it's not as if she would have done any harm to the OP being just an ickle woman. Or are there more rules about violent behaviour when it comes to woman Vs woman?

Am I getting thsi right :

Man hitting woman = Bad
Woman hitting man = not so bad
Man hitting man = Not so bad?

so Woman hitting woman = all's fair in love and war?

I wonder what would have happened if the OW had hit her back? cat fight? Very dignified.

A friend of mune once threw a drink in someone's face. He was looking at a year in prison as he got to close and badly cut the other person's face. Things may seem like a good idea at the time but they can go wrong.

no - All violence is bad,

But instead of it being punished with the force of the law we can understand it and hopefully learn from it.

It is wrong for me to hit the person who tried to steal my handbag - But i would do it nonetheless.

The trouble is we do have to have some tolerance and use some common sense.

and if the op did get some clousure from it then that is the good that has come from it.

i think you're probably very lucky she didnt hit you back

This is fab - get off her back! Well done you!

but does the good make up for the bad?

Wow, how did we get to DV???

LOL @ MargotBeauregarde: "would she have the nerve to go to the police and say 'the woman whose husband I was shagging slapped me'. And, would the police put their murder investigations on hold to go and hunt the op down?!"

I think DV is a bit too strong for what happened, but slapping is for people who cannot assert themselves vocally and I think it was really unclever to give the OW a reason to retaliate when they meet again.

drumroll

Great post beanieb.

I think violence, under any circumstances is wrong.

Plus, I just think it is pretty low to fight over a man and to mark out territory and act like the OW is not meant to go to a certain town/pub/whatever. If the OP is happy having her man back and working hard at the relationship, then why go around slapping? Surely it is more satisfying to be happy than to display obvious bitterness?

And that is nothing to do with sanctimony or white tower syndrome. It is just an opinion that is different to the one that says it is ok to hit.

If the DH had never strayed in the first place, then this would never have happened. If she is such a stalker, my thinking is that he probably spent a lot of time with this OW and most likely promising her the world.

If my DH cheated on me, I'd take more pleasure in calling up the OW in a sisterly way and telling her that she is welcome to the bastard him. And yes, I have been cheated on in the past, but not with my DH.

only the op can answer that.
She said it gave her clousure and surely that is good.
We are all different and it may not be right in every case but as far as i can see there has been no real harm.

You could argue that for those of us that never did lash out - maybe we have some repressed anger issues, and a quick slap could have stopped that.

I'm not sorry i hit her, she had it coming, she had no reason to be out in my town, she has no friends here and lives 100miles away. I have done the dignified silence for nearly a year and saturday night was the first time i had laid eyes on her and i snapped. I slapped her (not even that hard!) and then threw my drink on her then a friend pulled me away. It felt great and i feel like i can let it go now and move on.

Yes violence is wrong and i never would have believed i was capable of hitting someone (in a pub aswell with people watching...how common!!)but i did and i don't regret it for a second. All those who think they could just walk away in that situation then great you are obviously a stronger person than me, lets hope you never have to test the theory!

The other good thing is that you have a great story to tell your grankids some day.

And you gave others in the pub something to talk about - probably better than the soaps too.

omg how is it a great story to tell the grandkids

well by then it will be ancient history - did your gran never tell you all the gossip from when she was younger? She got up to some things she was none to proud of and i loved to hear it as i was growing up.

I tell my children about things i got up to (tamed down a bit of course).

sorry i wasnt being flipant - i was just trying to put a positive spin on it. I am not saying i would be proud to say i had hit anyone btw, just trying to not get too serious about it all..

Ambercat,I can completely understand why you did it but in front of a pub full of people! If shes as malicious as you say aren't you concerned she'll call the police?

I'm not being sanctimonious-its just that this could bite you in the arse and it doesn't sound like shes worth it. Anyway hope it doesn't and you can move on.

I was cheated on but I must admit I blamed my ex-he was the one who owed me loyalty not the OW.

I dont quite understand the "my town" thing - didnt you say she was seeing one of your dhs friends - wouldnt she have reason to be there for that. I understand completely how angry you were but seriously - my town - you cannot stop her being anywhere she wants unless she is violent and you cant hit her every time you see her. I dont hink this was a very good move tbh. I think that you may well have added a great deal of fuel to the fire - you would have been a lot better off looking very happy with DH and leaving it alone. Done is done and I too stay away from ivory towers but I have a bad feeling for you - I hope for your sake that there are no repercussions.

The "my town" thing is just that she has no reason to be here, yes she is seeing one of dhs mates but he is away for the next few months so not here. It just wound me up that i went out on a rare night out and there she was. She has her own life elsewhere i feel she was out on sat just to wind me up! probably irrational and yes its a free country so she can go where she likes.

Tbh i dont care if shes out all the time now, i really feel great and like i've drawn a line under it, she can do what she likes, dh and i are working things out and we feel stronger than we've ever been. She feels irrelevant now. If the police come, fine, i'll hold my hands up but i doubt very much it will come to that.

By the way, Happywoman i think you are great, your posts have really helped me over the past year x

ANyone who thinks that they have a right to control and own the sexual behaviour of other people whatever the other person's wishes, and to enforce their control and ownership by means of physical violence, deserves to be dumped, if not actually cheated on. You don't have a right to sexual exclusivity from anyone. Human beings are not property.
If monogamy is important to you then it's fine to end a relatinship with someone who is not prepared to remain monogamous, but violence and controlling behaviour such as intercepting communications and following the other person about are never acceptable.

SGB, Ambercat is married, she has every right to expect her husband to be faithful.