I slapped the ow last night and i feel soooo much better!

[ambercat]

thats it really, feel like i have closure now!!

Agree with Noddynolder.

The one you ought to be calling a piece of shit is your beloved DH. The OW is simply a bystander.

And, if this thread has shown you anything, the fact she didn't respond would seem to mean that she's pretty embarrassed to be even associated with you.

I doubt she is envious of your position. SHe's seen the other side to your DH... the side you are so keen to protect from your darling kids. But they'll see it soon enough.

i am happy, trust me dh has faced my rage!! it is not festering anywhere! slap is something that will not be repeated but i refuse to feel sorry for ow, she went in to this with her eyes open she should not be suprised by the consequences.

As i said before i am very impressed by all you even tempered ,forgiving, understanding women! i thought like you all until april 2008. Hope a situation like this never arises for any of you.

ANd as Prettyfly said, work on your marriage. It needs it.

And I'll say it to you too, AMbercat. I hope Rage is what it takes to save a marriage.

I'm not so sure, personally. But enjoy slapping people none the less.

I am neither even tempered or understanding as a result of anything other than bitter experience amber. I have been on both sides of this equation and I let rage nearly bury me in an awful situation. Which is why I can be forgiving. I learned to let it go because I had to. And it is festering or you wouldnt have felt the need to slap the woman he had sex with a year on. I dont feel sorry for her - I worry for you. There is a significant difference. I dont think you deserve any condemnation at all - I just hope you really are able to move on from it. Rage has a nasty habit of only abating for a little while. If she is as persistent as you say she will be back and you need to be ready to not react.

I haven't read the whole thread but have we asked why the OP slapped the OW and not her husband? Why do women always blame other women?

Or did the husband get slapped too in the middle of the thread, in which case I withdraw the question.

rage is not needed anymore in my marriage thanks, it has seen plenty of that over the last year and we are now coming through it all.

I feel i have moved on from stressing about ow now, yes i hate her and probably always will, maybe it will mellow with time but i doubt it!

ambercat ,dont even try to explain yourself, no-one can understand properly unless they've been there in my case the OM (wish it had have been an ow)was a complete nut job, threatened my daugher sent letter to my house saying " i know whst school your daughter goes too, and how lovely you will look when i cut your face open", said nut went on to describe my daughters and my newborn sons pram , where he knew i would be, places i went to.police were involved and the only way it ended was for me to move across the country....i am so angry still at ex-h... i swear i hate him. the worst part was the humilliating, but nessacary trip to the local gum clinic, waiting for the hiv test to come back, frightened and scared for my newborn son as well as my self.i didnt react in violence, i hid it. and it turned inward and i suffered the most crippeling depression because of it.and im still always looking behind to see if someone is watching.so amber i believe you did right ,because its delt with, its over and now you can let go, whatever happens in the future is up to you.best of luck xxx

So Haribosmummy you say

" WAS THE OW STANDING WITH YOU AT THE ALTAR WHEN YOU MADE YOUR VOWS?????????

unless the answer to that question is YES, then she is NOT to blame.

The happiness of ANY marriage lies solely with the two people IN IT. "

So if I decided to trot along and fuck your husband - you would bare me no malice? After all I was not there when you said your vows!! It would be sod all to do with me and purely down to your husband and him alone?????

As has already been said The op has not stated she has let her husband off scot free!
People have ASSUMED she has.

I get the feeling H did not get off scott free. drlove that sounds utterly horrific. I dont know too much about your story but I am so sorry that that happened to you and I hope things are better for you now.

Ambercat - obviously it is, or you would'n thave felt the need to slap anyone.

I'm so glad you have managed to 'forgive' your dear, innocent DH and blame it all on the whore OW.

It's not true, though.. Ambercat.. CAn I just remind you of that? He didn't get talked into fucking her. He did that all of his own free will.

Hate her all you want. Blame her for all your problems. the more you blame her, the less you will actually resolve. Because she didn't cause the problems. That stemed from you and your DH. God forbid. YOU and YOUR DH might have been a teeny weeny bit to blame for your marriage problems. SHOCKING.

Haribo too harsh. I dont hold with the blaming the wife for a mans affair. That just isnt fair. If ow cannot be blamed because he manipulated her into it then how can the wife be held responsible. Some men just behave badly.

MrsLemon - trot along and try all you want.

If you suceed, I won't bear you a moments malice. I'm not worried in the slightest.

Trot along all you want.Bring your mates. I really don't care. Trot along all you want.

Having now read the thread I am concluding that this is all rubbish. Catfights in pubs and stuff. Only 18 year old brainlessly drunk females behave like this.

See this is what I meant about respect. Mrslemon hasnt had sex with your husband. Nor is she going to try. Everyone is allowed an opinion. Why are you being offensive to one another - anyone would think we had all slept with one anothers husbands. Surely it hasnt gotten to the point on mumsnet where we cannot express a difference in opinion without a fight breaking out.

Ill say it again - watch the potty mouths and teenage petulance. We are grown up, intelligent, articulate women. Lets act like it.

I am sorry you have been so hurt Ambercat

Nonetheless I really wouldn't want my husband standing by and witnessing me attacking his lover

The next time (and there are always opportunities) I would not want him to think 'Ah well, this is PARTLY this other woman's fault, it's not just ME...'

I would really want him to understand that he is 100% responsible for my hurt and pain

No we're not all grown up. Not all of us anyway.

Hear hear prettyfly.

No need to be so personal and unpleasant.

Anyone for decaf?

Tetleys for me ta

can we forget the decalf>>

haribosmummy, You are very aggressive! i am not blaming the ow for all my marriage problems!! I can look back now over the last few years and see things were far from perfect and with hindsight (what a wonderful thing!) realise that there was an awful lot of problems in our marriage that were both of our own making (lack of communication for one) and due to outside influences, him working away alot. i could have done more to make things better as could he but we didn't, we let things slide and lost each other abit which resulted in an affair. Dh is the one who betrayed me i blame him and did hate him at first. But it take 2 and in no way is the ow innocent in all this. She knew he was married.

Dh and i are working through our problems, getting stronger. I have forgiven him, i guess in your world i should forgive her too but i can't atm.

Wouldn't say no to a nice glass of wine myself...

I'm not bloody agressive. YOu're the one going round slapping people!!!

And yes, if you have forgiven him, (and presumably feel able to have an intimate relationship with him again) you should be able to forgive her as well.

The fact you can't says far more about the state of your relationship than you want it to.