pombear that was a lovely post.
I too would never have seen the past few years the way they were and neither would any of our real friends or family.
That is why it has been a bit easier to work on my marriage than to just throw it all away for what was a terrible mistake and nothing more than a living out a fantasy for my h.
Like many people i too used to think 'well affairs happen' its not a crime and surely alls fair in love and all that.
But when your whole world is pulled away from you and your DC you have no idea how you will feel and act.
Like i said my h was wrong - but he never in a million years wanted to cause the pain he did. I dont think the ow did either. I think they both thought it was a bit of fun they could both handle and after all why shouldnt they too have an affair - plenty of people do and its not really hurting anyone.
If someone had actually made them both think about what they were really doing it may have been different. However no-one can really show you what it is like and you would never believe them anyway.
But seeing how my h has changed has given me the hope that he will not ever do it again. I know i would act differently too btw.
The problem with kicking him out is when there are children involved it is not so easy. He will always be part of my life through the children.
If you could just stop loving them without feeling the anger it would be easy.