I slapped the ow last night and i feel soooo much better!

[ambercat]

thats it really, feel like i have closure now!!

ambercat - i totally understand - lets not other peoples opinion of our marriages get to us.

I know i am happy with my choices.

I have no idea whether the ow is happy or not and frankly dont care anymore. I know she was furious for a while - with me but hopefully she too has had therapy and realises that i was not the bitch of a wife either.

Haribosmummy, just to clarify, i should have NO anger towards this woman then?

I Know violence is not the answer and was wrong but it happened and it felt great, i didn't go out looking for a fight and i've never hit anyone before. But i feel free from her for the first time in 11 months and i'm not sorry i did it.

I know i won't do it again.

You should be sorry though ambercat, that's the point. What you did was wrong. If you know violence is not the answer, why aren't you sorry?

Are you going to give your kids this message too? It's wrong to hit kids, but not if you think the other person deserved it.

and double

ambercat , id just like to say i think you were very restrained with your one well deserved slap. i'd bury any slag who shagged my DH, in fact id hunt her out and publically humiliate her as well!- but then i am a wee bit unhinged when it comes to protecting my family.im glad you have got it out your system. now forgive yourself for your wee explosion of anger and move on to better times !{still think i more wives had great right hooks there'd be less slag-bags and howlers throwing themselves at unavailable men)

ambercat, perhaps it would help your cause if you detailed exactly what led up to your hitting her and what she has done over the past 11 months.

Because it does sound like a stick - camel's back situation to me.

However, you may well feel good about it, but it wasn't wise to gloat on Mumsnet would it? I mean, you're not recommending this type of behaviour, are you?

Ambercat - Yes, your (D)H is now with you (again) so let the OW go. Presumably he has?

Why not take your DH down to the local and give him a slap about? That would make it equal....

I'm sorry, I think what you did was wrong and unjustified. You don't get to tell someone where they are and aren't able to go.

Drlove3 - YOu do SOUND unhinged too. ANother wife with a man who can't manage his own dick.

slag bags and howlers? WTF are those supposed to be?

Are those terms to use to describe a woman?

Affairs don't happen by accident, unhinged wronged wives. The OW may or may not have known your husbands were married, but he sure as fuck did.

Jesus.

Oh, for God's sake.

Good on you Ambercat, it must have felt great.

I hope it hurt quite a lot.

Here's my perspective:

If my DH wanted to be with someone else, I would not try to stop him. I would not try to make my 'marriage' work. I would let him go.

I would do this, thinking of my children. I think it is better for a child to have two parents who love them, rather than two married parents who are only there because of them.

I saw one of my friends have to deal with the breakup of her parents marriage at the age of 19. Her father left on the day her brother turned 18. He always said he'd wait til they were adults.

Believe me, that caused more pain than a divorce (which inevitiably happened anyway) could ever have caused.

sO, no, I wouldn't fight, I wouldn't be angry. I would move on with my children. ANd, yes, I've been closer to that than you might think, so it's not pie in the sky dreaming.

haribosmummy, i think its very sad that you wouldn't try and save your marriage, does your husband know that?

rhubarb, sometimes people do things o impulse that they'd never do if they had thought about it. amber did not go after the OW in a premeditated way, she did not lie in wait at a particular place waiting for the howler to appear.amber was out with friend and unfortunatly the ow was in the same place. if the ow had the good graces to accept that she was wrong to shag ambers H then she could have left quietly, but instead ow chose to brassen it out and stay put. this reaks of bunny boiler- WHY go for dh friend?- because ow is trying to make dh jelouse.there is a whole world of unattached men out there, but that wouldnt give ow any kicks then would it?. she seems fixated on ambers dh, no wonder amber slaped her.

Yes, of course he does. Why would I try to save something he didn't want to save?

I would never risk our marriage. never. He knows that.

He also knows that I wouldn't make his life hell. If he didn't want to be with me, he simply has to say that. I will not risk my happiness or his by 'making' us stay together if that is not what he wanted.

Yes, it is what I want, but a relationship and a marriage takes two.

If he wanted out, then yes, I would let him go...

infact, Ambercat, I think it's better than 'I'll fight tooth and nail to keep my family together'

My DH knows that, if he were to be unfaithful, our marriage would be over. Just as I know the same. I KNOW I would NEVER, ever risk even the idea of it, because DH would never stand for it. And good for him.

If I were to act inappropriately, it would be over. He wouldn't take it for a second. And I appreciate why. SAme goes for him. I don't even have to say it. He sets himself ery good goals in life.

She should be sorry? What a load of tosh. People shouldn't have affairs. But - news just out - they do!

Do people really want to live like drones, free from our human foibles, for better or worse?

Amber, please don;'t feel the need to justify yourself. People are allowed to disagree with you, them not being in your shoes especially and also don;t feel the need to gp into details. It won't improve anyines understanding of what happened

And (sorry for multiple posts) I do believe strongly that we are married for life.

We both understand that WE are responsible for the health of our marriage and that we, and we alone, must take responsibility for that.

If I were unfaithful, I honestly don't think DH would lose a moment's sleep over the 'guy' - that would be of no concern of his. That I had done it would be enough.

SAme goes for me.

dr love your post is cringeworthy in the 21st century.you need help if you use words like bury and slag in teh context of a woman who can sleep with whoever she likes and a man who has made vows not to.

re : howlers and slag-bags,are local terms for women with loose morals.presumtious "another wife with a man who cant manage his own dick", ex-h was serial slut himself, current husband is fab man who respects women that hold their own opinons on these matters! he too cant stand the howlers and slag-bags, and thinks some men have less than a brain cell for entertaining them(fgs you dont know where they've been, or what theyve got to spead around, yuck)as he is very handsome he has been propositioned by slag-bags in past and has always refused the offers!

Monkeytrousers1 - Newsjustout! People get mugged and raped and have their cars stolen and we give a shit We don't wait to see if they deserved it.

Violence is not be condoned.

Drlove3 - and what names do you have for the MEN with loose morals!!!!????????

Bloody hypocritical!!!!!

I have to say, Drlove3, you do sound like a first class NUTTER

Haribosmummy, you seem to be talking to yourself now, m'dear.

Lots of crazy ladies on here

FWIW my husband had an incident with a mutual friend - I threw him out to ponder his actions and took her for a coffee and apologised for my embarassing husband's behaviour, and she was weeping and mortified

much more satisfying

noddy i understand what your saying and why you are saying it. but i disagree, married people are not on the menu . and any married person, man or woman who trys to put themself on the menu should not be entertained! end of. singles are everywhere , why bother with a married when everyone knows its trouble!

Everyone is just a person when out and about socialising .it is up to the person in a commited relationship to say thanks but no thanks.Agree with haribo totally