I slapped the ow last night and i feel soooo much better!

[ambercat]

thats it really, feel like i have closure now!!

What I would like to teach my DS is that it's up to him to treat people with respect. Just as I would teach any DD that just because a man wishes to sleep with you, doesn't mean you should.

Just because a woman will sleep with you does not make it OK for you to go ahead and sleep with her. Just because a man wants to sleep with you, doesn't mean you have to.

They are the morals I wish to pass on to my kids.

we dont all harp on about inequality, some of us embrace it and learn to turn it to our advantage - thinks about looking pathetic at petrol station so some 'more capalbe' man will help me out (i hate filling the car with petrol as i always spill it on my new shoes).

I have boys and girls and no matter how you try to bring them up the fact is boys will be 'good lads' and girls will be 'tarts or sluts' for 'enjoying sex'.

We know the rules by now - sleep with a married man and risk being branded a husband stealing 'whore'.

By the way that is not what i did - and my h has had his fair share of my rage.

But like someone said - it was a slap - its happened before it will happen again - let it go.

Exactly haribo. Since when did single women become the police of marital fidelity?

I''d say that it's the job of married people to police marital fidelity.

I agree it does need the people in the marriage to make it work - unfortunately too often the wife is blissfully unaware there is a problem. And that is how the man likes it - he does not want to end his marriage he wants his cockego massaged.

I do feel sorry for these woman who do 'fall' for the 'my wife does not understand me' line but we need to teach woman that is all it is - whilst woman still fall for it there will be many wronged wives.

But happywoman, we don't have to live by those outdated rules or teach them to our kids!!

It is WRONG to call women whores for enjoying sex. Most intelligent adults know this.

I don't like those rules. They belong in a bygone era, and it us all our jobs to make sure these sexist and unfair morals are not handed down to another generation.

Agree morris zapp.

Sorry, Happywoman, going to have to disagree with you there.

Having worked in a VERY male dominated industry, I would be Extremely offended if some bloke offered to fill up my car with petrol.... I (unlike you )am quite capable of filling a car with petrol without spilling the silly-old-petwol-on-my-shiny-new-shoos.

It's totally wrong to assume that lads will be lads and girls will be sluts... I really, really dislike that attitude. It's like saying that black people just have to deal with being cleaners and stopped when they look in Jewellers shops.

It doesn't have to happen, It's not true and the minute we wake up to it, men just might stop f*ing about and treat their wives with respect.

I'm actually still shocked that women in this day and age, still believe it's a woman's problem if a man cheats!!!

it really does belong to a bygone era!

Oh, god, this thread is really getting me now...

happywoman... I would just like to point out that your 'advantage' here is:

You get to be called a slag / slut if you so much as look at a guy, but you do get to look like a silly bint at a petrol station while a man fills your car up for you (and probably makes a few comments aobut your lesser driving skills ) and then you pay for your petrol.

Good deal, Happy woman. Good deal.

"until you have been in the situation where your whole world falls apart and the 25 yr old tart who was involved just won't fuck off you just won't get it".

It's not the husbands fault the OW won't leave them alone. If it's a year later it's fair to guess that Amber has done the slapping of her DH and now they're working through things. But this woman isn't letting them forget, that can't be easy when you're trying to forget what happened.

I agree, we are all responsible for our own, individual, actions. However back to the childishness and pettiness of name-calling, how do you think it looks when the OP is called 'stupid' and 'thick' and much worse besides?

No, it probably wasn't the best idea in the world to have posted such a thread on Mumsnet. But it hardly does feminism any favours when we are all seen to be clambering over each other in our eagerness to stand on our moral highground and cast judgement on the OP. And our judgement is......to call her names.

Very intellectual!

What? By being in a pub????????????????? Sorery, after an affair, does the OW become subject to a restraining order which doesn't allow her in any pub / club or place the wife likes to go????????????

I absolutely cannot believe the outdated, sexist attitudes on this thread.

shut yer gob rhubarb you old old trout. feminism is a load of shit.

divide and conquer - unite the proletariat and lets fight the good fight

shaddap yer commoner! Shall I tell the story of when I whacked a bloke between the legs with my umbrella?

Why are alot of people assuming that OP has not punished her husband?

Why are so many people here jumping to the conslusion that the OP blames the OW and the OW alone?

OK - so she slapped the OW! That does not mean she has not dealt with her cheating husband as she sees fit. Just because they are now trying again - it does not mean he has got away scot free.

None of us have been on the OPS EXACT situation, aktho I imagine there are plenty of us that have been in very similar situations with a cheating h or p. Every relationship is different. Every affair is different. The situation and way the affair becomes discoverd is different and everybody has a different threshold for dealing with the wide range of raw emotions cheating can stir up.

She slapped the other woman. The other woman who did not have the decency to walk away and keep away. The OP very possibly has legally got away with it and feels better for it! The OP now has closure. She can now FINALLY move on and look to her future. She prolly had dealt with her husband but needed closure from the OW as well!

I just can't believe how judgmental people are being. Give the OP some slack. I really struggle to believe that some of you on here, would not hold any kind of bad feeling towards the OW, ONLY towards your husband if you found yourselves in a similar situation.

Well, I can tell you for nothing - If someone slapped me like that, I wouldn't back off.... I'd make it my business to get in their face.

Right / wrong - I would. No way I'd let someone slap me and expect that I'd been put in my place. Absolutely no way.

I totally disagree with 'whoever is more violent wins' and I'd go out of my way to wind the OP up if she did it to me.

She might have gotten away with it this time, but I would def. not go easily if someone decided I needed a public slapping.

She sounds like a fish wife.

She may, (or more likely may not) have dealt with her wayward DH, but she bloody well didn't do it in public.

Good point. I can't imagine the DP took a public pasting.

And as for the idea that this has somehow taught the OW a lesson - the only lesson it has taught her is that her XP's wife is a bit of a loose cannon.

In my life, I have never witnessed anybody slapping anybody in a pub. And I go to a lot of pubs. It isn't normal, it isn't ok and no, most if us wouldn't do the same thing!

Each to their own.

Seems like a waste of a glass of wine though

I have.

I've also witnessed beatings.

The man I referred to below. We were coming out of a nightclub, this man was at the top of the road - a very busy road teeming with people spilling out of nightclubs - lying in the gutter whilst another man was kicking his head and face. I didn't think. I ran towards them both. I had an umbrella. I rammed it as hard as I could at the attacker, so hard it bent in fact. I screamed at him before I was prised off by dh. I then tended to the man on the floor.

Now if you had asked me what I would do in that situation I would have answered you very differently. But once in that situation I was overcome with anger and fury, for the victim, a stranger to me. I was incensed that he was kicking this poor man's head and no-one was doing anything. I didn't think at all, I just reacted.

The OP reacted. It was wrong and she shouldn't have taken such delight in it on Mumsnet. But for so many posters to gleefully stone her - what makes you any better?

I'm starting to get worried by myself. I agree with every word SGB has said on this thread.

Every single person who has applauded the OP would condemn a man who posted on here "a year ago my ex wife broke my heart by sleeping with someone else. I saw her in the pub with another man. I thought I had moved on but I just saw red, marched over, slapped her round the face and poured my drink over her head. Damn it felt good!"

Slapping someone is wrong. It doesn't matter who it was. I understand the feeling, but the OP shouldn't have done it.

By your logic rhubarb, nobody should condemn anybody for anything, in which case stop condemning us for condemning her!

As for using violence to help or to protect somebody else from violence, that is an entirely different matter. Totally incomparable.

Come on, the OP brags about slapping somebody and we 'shouldn't judge'? Totally unrealistic, as she must have known when she posted.

Totally agree MrsLemon.
If more women said "No" to married men (and questioned the "my wife doesn't understand me" line ) then less husbands would stray.
No you can't break up a happy marriage but in all honesty how many marriages are 100% happy 100% of the time. In those crappy times when the wife is tired, the kids are young and demanding and there isn't a lot of time to be spent as a couple, it can be sorted out, but not if there is young free and single OW there ready and willing to show the man that the grass is greener.
It is ultimately the dh that breaks the vows but these OW should take some responsibility and consequences of their actions.
Now I've said my bit I'm off to make the tea!

Very well said Rhubarb (and by the way good on you for defending the man who was being attacked.

We none of us know how we would react in a situation like this unless actually faced with it.

I don't think anyone is saying they are better than the op just that they don't condone violence like this.