Being a "high end" sex worker and what it means/involves

[OFFS]

I have another thread going, in which dittany has suggested that I am a male fantasist, and therefore a liar. She says this because I have said that I am a prostitute, and generally enjoy my work, though it is not without problems. I have started this thread so that those of you who have questions about "high end" (SBG's phrase, not mine) prostitutes can ask me, directly, any questions you might have.

Please note that I am not a street-worker, I do not work in a brothel, and I have no pimp. My clients approach me via email - I do not hang out in hotel bars, and I require at least 24 hours notice of an appointment. I have no knowledge or personal experience of these other aspects of sex work.

I choose which clients I see, and can walk out at any time. I am not trafficked or abused, and have never had a violent client in eight years. I pay my taxes like any other self-employed businesswoman. I do not have any addiction to any illegal drugs, and I always use condoms with my clients. I have regular check-ups at my local GUM. While I have no direct knowledge of parlour/sauna/brothel work, I do have trusted prostitute friends with that experience, and I will do my best to furnish the information you require.

Please also note that I am not qualified or experienced enough to discuss women who are trafficked, abused, drug-addicted or so forth. I can, and am willing, to discuss my own life - I am not responsible for others.

How does not telling the world about her sex work equate to not being happy?

I've done quite a few things I will never tell my parents or even friends about, but that doesn't mean I am/was unhappy or ashamed.

What makes you think prostitutes swallow? The ones I knew gave BJs with condoms.

I would not tell young children - they wouldn't understand, you just don't talk about sex with your children - do you discuss your sex life with your children? Oh, well you must be ashamed then!! It is only OTHER peoples attitudes, like those displayed here that pushes the OP to keep what she does a secret. I find it patronising and condescending - You disagree with what she does, it makes you uncomfortable for your own reasons, so instead of coming straight out and calling her a filthy slut, you play the "poor deluded OFFS" card.

Honestly, all these armchair psychologists, if you lot got together you could solve the countries vice problem in an instant!

it's not her sex life, it's her job.

I believe LEM's point is that you don't talk about yourself having sex (even if it's perfectly "legitimate", with your DH) and that is not because you are ashamed of it.

'but do you not think if I were inventing a character I'd make her slightly more glam and sexy than a middle-aged mother of two? And slightly more adventurous?'

If you're a clever writer, no. You'd make her very 'normal'. That had a better chance of selling than the tripe men write about whores.

I write for a living now myself.

But carry on! Excellent work, IMO.

Entertaining, too.

She sounds real to me, actually.

To be honest, I am totally bored of this thread. I don't actually find prostitution that interesting.

See ya!

Well, she doesn't to me, Cote.

Too right, MrsM.

twinsetandpearls raised the "fine line"argument - that lots of women swap stuff for sex. Sometimes it is easier than earning material things in other ways. In some cultures / situations it is the only earning power a woman is allowed.

I am interested in SGB's and Dittany's points of convergence on this issue - which, somehow, drive their differences. Both passionately believe that women deserve dignity and respectable earning power. What counts as dignity and respectability is where they differ. Both posters seem to me far more sound than most.

I would roughly summarise - and please both you set me straight if you think this is wrong:

Dittany: women selling sex is degrading, is a perpetuation of a longlived status quo where only men are true humans and consider women to be among the natural resources at their disposal for sex, cleaning, etc, within and outside marriage. Women should be empowered to resist this whatever the details of the individual transaction.

SGB: women selling sex with too little autonomy, and for too little in return, is a perpetuation of a longlived status quo where only men are true humans and consider women to be among the natural resources at their disposal for sex, cleaning, etc, within and outside marriage. Women should be empowered to engage in all such transactions only on fair terms, with choice, and to their own rational advantage.

Vezzie: I think that's about right with regard to my view (obviously will leave Dittany to answer for herself on that one).

WRT to the OP being ashamed of her work because she doesn't tell everyone she meets: there is a difference between thinking that what you do is shameful and being aware that many of the people you meet will give you a load of either abuse or condescension of you tell them. Just becauase a lot of people hold a particular opinion doesn't make them right and it doesn't mean it's your duty to allow them to berate you when you can avoid it by not telling them stuff that is none of their business anyway.

Maybe this has been answered, how long has teh OP been doing it?

Do men protstitute themselves to 'support' their wives, to 'keep a roof over their heads' ?

These are highly, highly unusual circumstances. Echoing my previous post further down the thread, people are understandably shocked and disbelieving because the vast majority of people find the thought or worse the fact of someone 'supporting' a man and family through prostitution repugnant. Most people would much rather work ten extra jobs than want their lovers/wives/girldfriends to do this. And reciprocally, men just don't do the same.

To equate it with 'Not too dissimilar to me sleeping with my then partner to keep him happy so I could keep my London apartment and spend all my wages on shoes and champagne.' - is pretty awkeard too. I might be construed as some utterly moralistic square (which I really am not), but as much as I have not every entertained the idea of being formally paid for sex, neither have I been out with someone/married to someone/lived with someone and fucked them for shoes and champagne. It is all very simplistic. Most women simply arent gorgeous enough or fantastic enough to be supported in flats and cash and flash for sex. Life is so much more ordinary than that. thank God.

Very interesting thread.

I don't judge the OP, but at the same time I find it hard to believe it's possible to be a WG and not, at some level, to anticipate some degree of psychological discomfort. Selling sex for money, is ultimately going to take its price on her - whether it's because something bad happens and a client attacks her, or because it's so draining and demanding, because the performance becomes a strain and she can't tell what is true and real any more, and what is a lie, what is a contract and what sincere. All of these are possible, maybe even inevitable, and saddening too.

At the same time, I can see no reason why she should tell people she's a WG. Who needs the grief?

It's a very cynical job, after all.

I wonder where the term Working Girl comes from? Isn't it odd. Does it date from a time when women didn't work or something?

Princeonthemove: Men rarely sell sex to support their families because to sell sex successfuly, a man has to sell it to other men, and men with families tend to be highly heterosexual (yes I know some family men are sublimiating their gayness but that's a whole other set of problems and not relevant to this disucssion). Young bisexual or gay men, particularly good looking ones, can and do take on the more glamorous-escort type sex work (as well as the poor runaways working the streets). Some gay men do it for a while, for the money and the lifestyle, then stop - and those of them who have stuck to the high-end (high-earning end is really probably the more accurate term) tend not to be that bothered about it. But I think many gay men do see sex quite differently to the way that women and some heterosexual men see it though, again, that's really a whole other discussion topic.

'I think it was a chance to get an intersting insight - '

Totally boring! Why on earth would we want to know? If someone has an exciting job it would be of more interest- one that was making them equal to men and was liberating (not putting women back into the dark ages).
I bet that those of you who think it is just like any other job wouldn't actually want her living next door and clients drawing up at all hours. It is a very unequal partnership-the man holds the wallet and the power.

'she hides what she does from her own children, imagine doing something you feel is so wrong you can't tell your own kids what you do to pay for holidays and nights out

and her comment regarding "the crappiest care jobs" speaks volumes'

I agree with ssd, I would imagine that OP hasn't got any qualifications (or not the right qualifications to be a big earner)and has to fall back on her one asset.
She couldn't do a 'take your daughter to work day'-that tells you everything!

dear offs,

you say the down side to your job is that you can't tell others about what you do. Do your children know? Why don't you tell others? Is it because you are ashamed? (I'm not being fascecious, genuinley interested) Soz for poor spelling. Or are there other reasons? Because you seem to be able to justify yourself quite well on here.

Also, do you think you became a prostitute because you were raped? do you have a disengagemnt/detatchment from your body? (I'm asking this because I am working with abused teenagers and studying PTSD)

Have you ever had any counselling/treatment for PSTD?

Are you qualified to do other things? If so why don't you do them? Is it the money?

Wow,

I have to say I love the Daily Mail/Anti-feminist rants from some members... amazing to think such hatred and lack of empathy is out there. Also love the expat-troll just tilting at windmills with her fingers in her ears going "nah-nah-nah-not listening"... great stuff!

OK. My wife is a known MN-er who has posted across the site on many occasions but for obvious reasons (the aforementioned Daily Mail readers for one) and less obvious reasons (she compartmentalises things, here she is just a mother) she wants to remain anonymous for this thread.

We are swingers/sexual adventurers who have (at times) very broad tastes sexually (both bi, into light BDSM, enjoy parties, dogging, full swaps, clubs, nudity and multipartner sex) and we have both worked as escorts (or whores if the DM crowd would prefer).

Our lives are utterly separated, I've got a very respectable job, she is a respected member of the community and the local church and so on. Just like everyone else we have times where we don't want sex etc.

First of all I think it is incredibly sexist to suggest (as some have, elsewhere before) that a bloke being paid for sex is living out a fantasy whereas a woman being paid is an oppressed whore.

Neither of us entered into sex work because we were forced into it or horrifically desperate for cash. We enjoyed sex, at that time were having a lot of it with a lot of different people and basically thought... why not!?

As a bloke I can only make around £60 per hour and that is generally only with male clients and the work is few and far between. As a lady my wife can make from £120 up to £180 per hour and when we stopped she could have taken a minimum of 2 bookings a night every night of the week (although she generally limited herself to 3 clients a week for logistical reasons) and the most she has made was £900 in one night with a client she had been with a number of times before. Working as a partnership we've made £500ish for a couple of hours work.

My wife swallows, does bumsex offers GFE and full sex (all protected aside from the swallowing obviously) however she is actually very rare in this "band" of working girl in offering these services. We both worked out of a website community that advertised escorts as well as having ads in trade-it. Generally speaking escorts like my wife or OFFS DON'T offer bumsex or unprotected oral sex the only reason my wife did was because she enjoyed both but she always stated that they'd only occur if she was willing and that the payment was for her time... anything else was depending on how it went.

Like OFFS no txtspk, talking to them beforehand, checking arrangements etc... all the usual checks.

Bad times... prior checks, phone call to me on entry etc all avoided violence but have had lots of timewasters and the odd smelly one or nasty seeming one she has just walked out on Oh and that nasty guy who wanted me to massage his feet and then masturbate him... wasn't nice but was regular easy work.

Good times... well I cum, lol and had to use viagra to ensure quick recovery time (especially with some of them...). Her on the other hand had some incredibly sexy encounters where she came multiple times and really enjoyed herself... but it was different. Always different. Not like swinging at all. Always at the back of her head (except one time when it was both of us with a client where she got carried away... but that is a different matter) and mine was the fact that we were being paid to be there.

Sex with each other is love making.

Sex when swinging is playing.

Sex as an escort is work.

We don't do it any more because our heads aren't in that place at the moment (other job... newish baby etc) but we're returning to swinging next week and may work again in the future.

One final thing for now...

how fascinating it is that none of the opposers realise that by condemning a woman for being an escort you are being incredibly sexist and antifeminist! My wife and the OP chose what to do with their bodies. They are in control. They basically fleece guys out of cash often simply for them to attempt to pleasure them. Many GFEs for my wife consisted of half an hour of a bloke fingering or licking... then a quick BJ and off... as she'd often say the easiest £120 she ever made! Then there are the guys who knew what they were doing... mentally a different place etc but again £120 to cum repeatedly and then chat about world politics...

nastiness is out there but there are also "happy working girls" and they are the ones in control of their bodies. If you don't believe it etc... well more fool you, you've obviously got very low self esteem issues if you can't see how this could be so.

'My wife and the OP chose what to do with their bodies. They are in control. '

They can think that if it makes them feel better-I would imagine they had problems with self esteem.
Just for the record I do not read the Daily Mail-I wouldn't even have it in the house.

Ah yes, the need to compartmentalize. Of course.

You know, it's not knee-jerk or reactionary or thick or right wing to think that prostitutes are not actually in control.

The happy hookers - which I guess are the ones who aren't on junk, trafficked, pimped etc - feel some kind of control, because they think they are making choices.

I don't think it makes you a DM reader to feel for them that they are making that choice - to exchange sex for money. Even if it is easy money. It's still a bit of a sad thing to do - even if it is dressed up as liberated or powerful or whatever.

Your comment that you aren't doing at the moment because your heads aren't in the right place, is revealing. Your head has to be in the right place - and you have to get it there, and keep it there. That's what we're all saying - that there is probably some impact on you for having to do that.

i don't have to get my head in the right place to do my work, nor do I need to compartmentalize my life because of my work. That's the difference.

I don't care your lifestyle though.

Lots of jobs require people to compartmentalize of course, like policemen or some doctors or soldiers. It's in order to be able to deal with trauma. It acknowledges that some things need to be left at the front door, and not brought home. There is a reason for that.