Being a "high end" sex worker and what it means/involves

[OFFS]

I have another thread going, in which dittany has suggested that I am a male fantasist, and therefore a liar. She says this because I have said that I am a prostitute, and generally enjoy my work, though it is not without problems. I have started this thread so that those of you who have questions about "high end" (SBG's phrase, not mine) prostitutes can ask me, directly, any questions you might have.

Please note that I am not a street-worker, I do not work in a brothel, and I have no pimp. My clients approach me via email - I do not hang out in hotel bars, and I require at least 24 hours notice of an appointment. I have no knowledge or personal experience of these other aspects of sex work.

I choose which clients I see, and can walk out at any time. I am not trafficked or abused, and have never had a violent client in eight years. I pay my taxes like any other self-employed businesswoman. I do not have any addiction to any illegal drugs, and I always use condoms with my clients. I have regular check-ups at my local GUM. While I have no direct knowledge of parlour/sauna/brothel work, I do have trusted prostitute friends with that experience, and I will do my best to furnish the information you require.

Please also note that I am not qualified or experienced enough to discuss women who are trafficked, abused, drug-addicted or so forth. I can, and am willing, to discuss my own life - I am not responsible for others.

and finally:

'They basically fleece guys out of cash often simply for them to attempt to pleasure them'

so the final question is - is this really the kind of control a woman wants out of her life?

There are all kinds of control, all kinds of levels of control. It's not a wrong question though, nor is in 'anti-feminist' to query whether the above is a particularly fulfilling or dignified, or even enjoyable way to exercise 'control'.

I'm always amazed at people who think that disagreeing with prostitution is anti feminist.

Power and control are traditionally seen as male qualities and therefore when women display them that is heralded as feminist,

but actually in our society it has always been men who have attributed such status to qualities such as power and control.

Actually I find the traditionally female qualities of flexibility, sublimation, sacrifice and forgiveness to be much stronger, more important, worthwhile and beneficial to civilisation as a whole.

Any old idiot can do power and control.

I don't think letting some random guy lick me out or finger me for half an hour followed by giving them a blow job is an easy £120

It sounds demeaning

It's not real intimacy

I would have to disassociate to do this and it would have repercussions for my mental health as I would have to not be a fully integrated person or congruent

I agree with alot of postors on here - i agree with the OP i agree with the dissenters. Its just plainly not straightforward and by trying to be single minded in our answers we miss the point.

But it's not about intimacy Laurie - it's about making money.

I think prostitution is a fact of life probably, I don't have any particular axe to grind about it. I have compassion for lots of sex workers though.

I don't really care if the man below wishes to have an 'alternative' lifestyle either, that's his choice, he's a consenting adult if he wants to prostitute himself and rub men's feet for money then that is his business.

But it is foolish to not understand why people think that ultimately you might be damaged or corrupted by those choices.

My opinion

fwiw, I can't imagine anyone with talent or brain power(unless super repressed})would sell their bodies for sex....they would earn their money other ways. The h's who have posted sound too infeasible for words, they have to be women pretending to be men.

I accept that prostitution is cool like lapdancing, it's like we have come full circle with what we expect of women and what we find acceptable. But this time round it's worse. Before it was mainly men who accpeted the exploitation of women now women accept it too. In fact women encourage it. How can power and control be in the arms of the person taking their clothes off and performing sex acts for someone else?

cool for some

I know it's not about intimacy and that's it's about making money for the sex worker.

I think they mostly do that at cost to their mental health.

For me sharing my body with someone is about intimacy, not commenting on others choices apart from to say I've not met many mentally healthy sex workers (I've only known a dozen-ish so I don't have extensive experience with this client group)

Yes Laurie, I agree with you.

I feel compassion for sex workers and I don't think they are helped by people like OP who are trying to titilate us or possibly shock us-I don't know the purpose of her post.

All I know is that if I had a daughter, she would have been loved and cherished from birth, by many people, she would have been taught to respect her own body and that she didn't have to let anyone do anything she didn't like to it, that she was her own person and didn't have to follow the crowd or put up with bullies or be controlled by anyone, she would have been supported and encouraged in education so that she had lots of life choices--I wouldn't have done all this so that inadequate, emotionally stunted men could hire her vagina, just because they could afford it or wanted to feel the power of control over another human being. Somewhere along the line I would have failed dismally as her parent. I certainly wouldn't be celebrating and getting her to tell Grandma all about it! I would also be upset if she was to get a partner who wasn't going to love, cherish and respect her.

I have until now managed to behave and not say anything but this time I have to. The op started another thread about difficulties within her marriage, so whilst she may enjoy her work, there are some fairly heavy repercussions in her private life. This to me would be one of the major reasons I wouldnt do this type of work. If you are married you promise to love and cherish your partner not screw other people for cash.

To the poster who works as an escort with his wife. I find it interesting that either of you can comfortably justify your actions and then state "but she is a member of the church" - who obviously dont know the sordid nature of your earnings and would no doubt be saddened that a member of thier community felt the necessity to prostitute themselves in this way.

I dont read the newspapers and I am not middle class. But I tell you what. For me, sexual intimacy with my partner is the highest expression of my love for him. It is what binds us together as a partnership beyond friendship. How we do that is our business but I know if i were to have sex with other people it would be a massive dilution of the glue that makes our bond special.

And that is why many people on here dont believe you. My best friend is a porn actress and glamour model so I am not a prude but she doesnt act like I am stupid, snobbish or ignorant for thinking that I wouldnt want to do it myself because of the consequences on my emotional and mental health.

This discussion was opened for different opinions and to be frank I would feel that any lifestyle that meant I lied to everyone around me would make me unhappy. You have no right at all to think that because you engage in extreme sexual activities that any of us are in any way inferior to you. I reserve intimacy for the people I most love. You sell it to the highest bidder. The intention behind it is irrelevant. You have sex for cash and for most of us seperating that from sex with our partners would be impossible. It says something that a recent article by the trade body for sex workers suggested that as many as 94 percent had been victims of some level of sexual abuse or violence in their lives - normally between the formative ages of 4 and 17.

It is the oldest industry in the world and I have no issue with people who choose to do it, but dont even dare question those who feel it is a sad waste of mental intelligence to trade off your body. You may think that because we do not openly switch between partners or profit from our sexuality that we are missing out on something - that is certainly what comes across on your post. I dont agree and I have no doubt I will be flamed to bits for sharing what is currently an unfashionable view. But it is my view and I have the same right to it as you to yours.

I wonder why it's seen as so unhealthy to compartmentalise one's life when we all do it to some extent. Few people are the same at work as they are relaxing at home or out on the lam with mates: lots of people need to compartmentalise radically to keep their jobs (employers who have an excessively controlling attitude to the workforce even when the workers are not actually at work). Sex simply isn't that big a deal to a percentage of people. It isn;t a big deal to me, for instance but just FYI I have not ever been the victim of a sexual assault either as an adult or as a child. While I myself have never done actual escorting, that's mainly because I am fairly plain, fairly chunky and can't be bothered with the body maintenance and nice lingerie and leg shaving, for one thing.

Oh and before anyone accuses me of anti feminism, I own my own business, provide for my family in a home where traditional roles have been reversed for the sake of finacial necessity and paid for my own education. I vote and have the right to do so but I believe that in a modern equal society sex is something shared freely - and is not a commodity to be sold because of financial hardship. I do not believe for one second that Pankhurst et al tied themselves to railings so that we could sell ourselves and call it liberation. They did it so we could earn the right not to have to.

HubbieOfAnAnonymousMNer interesting.

Am intrigued by this though "she is a respected member of the community and the local church and so on" - what religion is she?

'True power (not empowerment which is always the second prize that women are offered) for women is the power to decide who we have sex with, not because we need the money or have to pay the mortgage as people have talked about here but because of sexual desire, love or affection (or all of them). Anything less is oppression.'

I think this sums it up in 2 sentences.

Yes solid but compartmentalising sexuality, which is so core to so many identities is something totally different. It compromises the intimacy we share with the person with whom we partner and takes away the one boundary that should seperate personal and professional. For many that just isnt possible.

prettyfly1: very eloquently said. Although I actually tend towards having more relaxed attitudes towards this, the poster who said he worked with his wife came across appallingly. He and his wife have one point of view (which may be perfectly valid) but there was absolutely no respect for other points of view (which may be equally valid).

Whilst playing devil's advocate, I do have one question for the OP.

Does she feel that her "high end" brand of prostitution legitimises what is on the whole a somewhat depressing and exploitative business? I have no argument that there are women in the business who do so entirely of their own free will, with full consent and in full knowledge in what they're doing but I'd have thought it hard to disagree that they must be in the minority.

I guess the argument is that it's not her responsibility but if, for example, you worked in the defence industry you might, for example, feel a few qualms about being in a sector (and supporting a sector) which produced anti-personnel mines and supplied dodgy overseas governments.

here here pisces.

I don't know if others have mentioned it but I think the VERY small amount women/men who enjoy their work and remain emotionally well should consider that because the vast majority of sex workers have the most dreadful time (rape/drug abuse/std's/shorter life span/violence) that they're doing a disservice to humanity.

I couldn't live with myself if I was enjoying a profession where the majority of people were trafficked/exploited.

They are contributing to the jolly hooker stereotype.

For the same reason I wouldn't hire a cleaner at £3 an hour cash in hand.

Or wank over porn because so many are abused in that industry.

Different people can come to terms with different things - for me 'do no harm' is something I try to live by.

COuld someone explain to me why, if willing and high-earning sex workers should not glamorouse what they do because of the undisputed truth that other sex workers are trapped, exploited and abused, it's still seen as OK to go on about how wonderful couplehood and intimate relationships are, when a quarter of all adult women will be abused at some point in a couple relationship, and 2 women a week are killed by a current or former partner? 'Love&marriage' are not necessarily the best option for women, either.

FFS what a pious bitch I sound

the limitations of writing

'love and marriage/coupledom' for some is shit so agree SBG.

Much better to be on your own til you know who you are and what you want/need out of a relationship. There are far too many abused children becoming abused/abusing adults in relationships.