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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

1003 replies

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 14:16

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:26

its not that i dont like them mollie, its just i find them difficult

OP posts:
dittany · 20/02/2009 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lessonlearned · 20/02/2009 23:27

PMSL there HAW, you can be quite cutting when you want, cant you? Except when it comes to your DP - remember him? You've suddenly forgotten your acronyms again - ooops!

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:32

yes lesson, i assume it means dear partner, in which case you are wrong, he is my husband!!

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:33

yes dittany, and even if she is lying, which is not what i am saying, i will still stand by her as she is my daughter

OP posts:
MollieO · 20/02/2009 23:33

I appreciate it isn't unusual dittany but I struggle to understand that after 9 hours of posting the OP doesn't seem to have made any inroads into working out how to support her dd in the way that she needs.

She obviously came here for help/support and if she has read all the inciteful (sp) comments here then I am surprised that she is no further forward.

I don't have a dd, I have a ds and I can honestly say that if he ever made this type of allegation I have absolutely no doubt at all where my support would be and that it would be unconditional. That is what I find most hard, that a 14 yr old girl is going through hell without the complete support of the person who should love and care for her more than any other. I find that truly heartbreaking, hence my suggestion that the OP needs some RL help now and her dd needs someone else who believes in her, if her mother can't be that person.

MollieO · 20/02/2009 23:35

Sorry haw I don't see how 'standing by' is supportive. People 'stand by' those they love whom they believe are guilty. In your case you believe your dd is lying and your h is telling the truth, even though he has told you he has lied to the police. I really don't get that at all.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:35

mollie my dd has other support, school nurse and counsellor plus sw and lady from victim support, and me i hasten to add. i am supporting her, sorry if you ahve not got that impression

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:37

no mollie i dont, i dont know who to beilive, it is as uncomprehendable from one of them as it is from the other

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:38

and he didnt tell me he lied, i listened to the tapes

OP posts:
MollieO · 20/02/2009 23:40

You have told us about the'ghost' view. You have told us about how wonderful your h is and how you can't quite believe he would do such a thing and how you understand why he lied to the police. Fine that your dd has other support but not, it seems, the unconditional support a mother owes to her child. If her allegations are true then she needs your support, if they are false she made them for a reason and she needs your support. Pretty clear either way and standing by her (whatever that actually means) doesn't cut it at all. You also don't seem to have gained any insight from the honest posters here on their RL experiences and how the lack of support from their mother has scarred them for life.

Molesworth · 20/02/2009 23:41

I think the thing that some of us find so hard to comprehend is the way you talk about the two of them as if it's the word of one adult against another. But she is your child. I'm sorry to sound judgey because although I have been in a similar situation, the abuser was not my partner. I never doubted my daughter's word for a moment though. It's not something she would make up.

Ronaldinhio · 20/02/2009 23:42

Bloody hell

What a horrible thread.

I'm sorry to the bottom of my soul to say that I feel that this is written by a troll. CPE rules wouldn't allow much of this story to happen. The story itself doesn't stack up for me.
It feels very difficult to say so honestly but also I have no understanding how someone goes from not understanding what an OP is to understanding without question what a troll is.

It's appalling that anyone would be have in this way.
I send my love and support to all the mn's who this has hurt in anyway. Tis a cruel thing to do imo.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:43

no i dont understand why he lied to police, i told you what he has told me.
oh yes i have learned hugely from this and to be frank it scares the pants off me as to how on earht i will deal with it, either now or in the longer term

OP posts:
MollieO · 20/02/2009 23:44

He told you that he didn't tell them he drank a lot because it would add to the 'crap' and you thought this was an acceptable explanation.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:45

lmao!!go back ronald and see where i have asked where each and every little initial letter acronymm is

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:47

yes i did say that i think mollie as i had not really thought about the implications of that 1 lie. however as i said i shall tell investigating officer asap

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:49

and ronald i dont know what cpe is or what the rules are but this is what has happened to me and my family in the last 3 weeks. if its not by the rule book then that makes even doubly bloody shitty for me and kids eh??

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 20/02/2009 23:50

glad you are laughing your arse off at least one of us is happy....

no problem understanding what a troll was though eh?

lessonlearned · 20/02/2009 23:50

OOOOH, HAW, you are SOOO sharp you should live in the knife box. Perhaps I'm no match for you at all - maybe I'm glad that you are so much more focussed than me on such an emotive subject (esp one more personal to you).
Shame you are not so quick to defend your DD as you are to deflect the issue from your DH (I stand corrected on the status of your relationship!)

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:51

oh ronald do grow up, look back and see!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:52

well thankyou lesson, i accept the apology

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 20/02/2009 23:52

Quite grown up darling, what bit of your "story" am I looking for now?

Glad your connection is working a bit better now btw.....

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:53

one of them told me you all came on here drunk on a friday night, they werent wrong eh???

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:54

oh ronald so am i, could be cos ive switched to proper one now as kids have gone to bed eh?? or is that far too sinister for you work out?

OP posts:
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