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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

1003 replies

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 14:16

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:04

thankyou knicknack, and im not!!

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:05

i will moles, with all of them until i get the support that we need, and thankyou

OP posts:
scaredoflove · 20/02/2009 23:05

This is perfect example of women turning on each other, why does it always have to happen??? I think women hate on women more than men do these days

KnickKnack · 20/02/2009 23:05

BTW, Hurtandworried, I'm NOT suggesting you are a troll.
I hope you get some answers on Monday.
And in the meantime, hopefully mumsnet can help get you through the next few weeks.

And if you ARE trolling...scheesh!

scaredoflove · 20/02/2009 23:08

HAW please don't leave! There have been many supportive posts and you need somewhere to talk over this horrid situation

There will be some nasty people but also many many kind people that will listen. They may not all agree with you but they will give you a chance to speak when you need it

(thats my experience anyway)

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:08

they hate me as i dared to be honest about doubting it could be true. and before it happened to me i would probablyhad the same reaction, but i now know it does happen to people like me, and instant damnifying of ones husband isnt always the way

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:09

im still here dove, nowhere else to go, nothing else to do!!

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:10

and yes dove, many many of the posts have been great and given me real strength to sort all this out

OP posts:
loupiots · 20/02/2009 23:13

Those helplines might still be open?
NAPAC - phone: 01697 331432
It's better than here, honestly....

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:15

thankyou lou, i do now feel that i can speak 'aloud' about this, unlike earlier

OP posts:
bruxeur · 20/02/2009 23:15

I don't think anyone hates you, OP - I think a lot of people believe that you're a troll, because you have posted on a Friday night about an intensely emotional subject in a bizarre style that veers wildly between internet-savvy and maiden aunt, uses then forgets slang over a few minutes, makes points then retracts them when challenged, has an internet connection that drops out at wonderfully helpful times, and are unable to read posts that do not suit your purpose whilst replying to those that do in seconds.

Allegedly.

Basically, if you aren't a troll you're doing a bloody good job of impersonating one.

PollyGarter · 20/02/2009 23:15

It's not your job to help other people get over their doubt. It will get you confused and angry.

Call the 24/7 number at women's aid. You can be anonymous. Return here again later if you need. But you're not going to get much more clarity tonight.

You have to look after yourself.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:16

i'll do it when boys go to bed!

OP posts:
loupiots · 20/02/2009 23:16

Good for you. Sending lots of strength to you to get through this dreadful situation.

bruxeur · 20/02/2009 23:17

Lot of jumbled tense in there, sorry.

Jux · 20/02/2009 23:17

I wonder if it would be worth MN Towers' while to put together a page of links to support groups/sites. HAW, you need to contact one of the groups that have been suggested, but it's easy to lose the links in the middle of everything else. I have picked out the ones I can find and put them here. You really do need to actually talk to someone who is experienced in this, without prejudice.

Here are the links, and apologies to everyone for lifting them without permission or acknowledgement, and if I've missed any (probably), sorry.

Lucy Faithfull Foundation

Women's Aid

NSPCC

Childline - 0800 1111

PollyGarter said - "Please look at this part of the Havoca website."
here
and
"And Mosac which supports the families of abused children."
here

And there's this - sorry lost the original link but it's napac takes you to their survivors/support group.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:18

yes bruxeur i see that, i used to do 'chatrooms'many years ago so am not that unused to it, i am on a shitty o2 mobile bband connection, or nonconnection would be truer, my bizarre style as you call it could be the way my mind is acting at miniute, not sure really,dont think i have retracted any points at all, and am trying to read all posts, concenmtrating on the ones that have been posting the longest

OP posts:
lessonlearned · 20/02/2009 23:19

You call me nasty HAW. Is there no one else in your life that fits the bill then?
I thought you would withold your judgement until there was irrefutable evidence? As in the case of your DP, perhaps?

KnickKnack · 20/02/2009 23:20

If you have never been on mumsnet before, it might be worth noticing that on a Friday night, quite a lot of people will be drinking and therefore may say things they might not normally mean.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:20

thankyou for thelinks, i will work my way through them

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:21

whats does dp mean?? sorry, one acronym i havent picked up lesson? dont you have a nice life to go to rather than slating me all night?

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:22

to be honest knicknack alldays blend at moment and i didnt even think about the impact of it being a friday

OP posts:
MollieO · 20/02/2009 23:22

Haw I think the comments you don't like are the ones that have urged you to give 100% support to your dd whatever you actually feel. So far you haven't done this. You have offered her support but also expressed (to her) disbelief at her allegations. That is why I for one wonder at your veracity. I cannot imagine having to deal with this type of event in your life but I do know above all else that the one I would believe first last and always would be my dd and not my h. Obviously you think differently and that is what lots of people here struggle with. I hope your dd gets the support she needs and you get the clarity you need in RL, not here.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:25

yes mollie i can see that, and have just tried to express honesty and my confusion that i am feeling like that, as before it happened i would have said exactly what you just said, but it has happened and i havent been able to do that and i hate myself for it

OP posts:
PollyGarter · 20/02/2009 23:26

Good move and suggestion Jux.
It would be much easier to refer to.

G'night.

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