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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

1003 replies

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 14:16

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 22:38

yes salmon and that it what i have been telling her, seems my sin is also being honest about my uncertainty that he could do that to her

OP posts:
lessonlearned · 20/02/2009 22:39

HAW, I assure you I am 'keeping up' with you. It does not fit well to patronise me while cutivating your confused and vulnerable status. You seem to be neither IMHO!
FWIW I think the gillick scenario is a brilliant red herring which I REPEAT you retracted upon hearing redcardigans solicitor DH was being consulted.
Answer lobsters question, out of courtesy at the very least!

dittany · 20/02/2009 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Molesworth · 20/02/2009 22:40

Well, you are only human. But I think in this case honesty is not the best policy when it comes to sharing your doubts with her. I'm not saying your doubts are wrong, just that you need to give her the benefit of the doubt.

MollieO · 20/02/2009 22:41

Sorry haw that is as good as saying you don't believe her. She is 14 not 8 and she understands the nuances of what you say. Honesty has its place and it isn't here with your dd. She needs your total support not what you're giving her at the moment. Do you have a sister or mother that she could go and stay with and get the support she needs?

Molesworth · 20/02/2009 22:41

But dittany, the article doesn't actually say that the concept stands in law in this sort of case; more that it's under discussion.

dittany · 20/02/2009 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bruxeur · 20/02/2009 22:43

dittany, do you understand the difference between "the concept of Gillick competence", and "Gillick competence"?

thedolly · 20/02/2009 22:43

HAW I posted much earlier on in this thread and have been following it intently. IMHO you have probably gotten as much help as you are going to from MN and maybe even a little bit of one or two posters souls. It would probably be pertinent for you to say a huge thank you to those in question and then sign off.

LobstersLass · 20/02/2009 22:43

hurtandworried, I think that when you tell her you believe her, it will really comfort her.

I respect your honesty about pressing charges, but I strongly feel that it's up to a court to decide if your husband is innocent, not you. I don't mean to be rude saying that - I appreciate it's a rather frank thing to say.

I suspect that her motivation for dropping charges is that she suspects no-one truly believes her.

If she's not being straight with you, then it will come out.

saultanpepper · 20/02/2009 22:43

Damn - stop the presses - Dittany And Saul in Full Agreement Shocker...

MollieO · 20/02/2009 22:45

thedolly I agree but for a mix of reasons including unfortunately.

dittany · 20/02/2009 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spicemonster · 20/02/2009 22:47

I agree with thedolly. Go and contact the agencies you have been put in touch with but please come back and give us an update.

lessonlearned · 20/02/2009 22:49

HAW I think redcardigan and her DH have gone now.
You are free to claim ignorance of the law again.

dollius · 20/02/2009 22:49

I also agree with the dolly. Please go and get help from people qualified to give it, and let us know how things pan out.
I hope you find the strength to support your daughter as you should.

unavailable · 20/02/2009 22:56

Hurtandworried - I echo thedolly's post.
I dont think you will get any useful advice or support on this thread tonight.

I came back to it recently having read it earlier in the evening and am quite shocked at the change.It appears to have decended into a bunfest in the last hour or so.

Goodnight and Best wishes to you and your daughter.

sprogger · 20/02/2009 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 22:57

oh god really lost now, didnt just lose connection, computer went down too, give me a sec to try and catch up please

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 22:59

ooooh lesson, how nasty

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:00

yes they are having fun at my expense i think

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:02

but my utter sincere thanks to those that have shared and helped me tonight. i'm sorry for intruding and dumping my shit on you all but i had to go soemwhere with it

OP posts:
KnickKnack · 20/02/2009 23:03

To the troll-hunters:

Even if the OP is a troll... IS it not always the case that there may be a lurker who will gain help/knowledge/comfort by what others have posted?

By all means say that you think its a troll. But leave it at that.Let other gain comfort/help if they can.

PollyGarter · 20/02/2009 23:03

I think it's time to go now HaW.

As previous people have said, these threads can dissolve into popularity fights that have nothing to do with your original post.

Contact Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247 if you still have issues that you need to discuss tonight. They will give you more info on support groups from informed people.

Try and get some sleep. You'll need to talk with your daughter tomorrow, so keep your energy up and look after yourself.

Molesworth · 20/02/2009 23:03

I hope you make contact with one of the organisations posted earlier on HAW. Good luck with it all.

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