My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

[hurtandworried]

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

Ok, well for the third time, hurtandworried, have you told your daughter that you believe her unconditionally yet, and that you want her to press charges?

lesson i have retracted nothing!!

The NSPCC article doesn't actually say that the concept applies in law though, just that it's a subject of debate and the legal position continues to change:

"Since the Gillick case, legal, health and social work professionals continue to debate the issues of a child?s rights to consent or refuse treatment and how to balance children?s rights with the duty of child protection professionals to act in the best interests of the child. Further court rulings, new legislation and revised guidance continue to amend the legal position."

If a child is deemed 'competent' in this sort of case, how long before he or she can also be deemed 'competent' in 'choosing' to have sex with an adult? Seems like a slippery slope to me I'm afraid.

FFS stop with all the troll bullshit - if you think OP is a troll, then report her, or just watch, or feck off onto another thread and stop wasting CPU cycles and bandwidth...

Dittany Perhaps a 14 year old could claim Gillick competence in choosing the shopping centre over school?

better a control freak dear than naming myself after a naff poem i think.....

have you read those inspirational words lately?? i think not otherwise you would be less bloody RUDE.

a reminder for you.....

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

Well said sault!

no lobster i have not to either question

Oh well, if we were in Spain this wouldn't be an issue anyway.

HAW, you seem to have a good grasp of the law when it suits you ie when your on the attack (same with your grasp of anacronims).
You seem to get a sudden blast of clarity on certain occasions. I wonder why you would not be dilligent about your research on the net as you are in your posting here?

yes moles that was my argument kind of with the police but it was too late then, it had already happened

And this is why the age of consent shouldn't be lowered here. It gets a lot of paedos off the hook in spain. It doesn't matter if normal teenagers are 'breaking the law' at 15, but fgs, give the police some scope to protect the abused.

@ molesworth

I'm not sure a poem suggesting "gracefully surrendering the things of youth" is entirely appropriate to this thread.

This place is unbelievable at times

Not all unusual stories are trolls, this is a valid subject some families unfortunately have to endure, so just let it go. If you think its a troll, walk away if it affects you too much, and report it

This could be a family in absolute turmoil, support if you want/can, walk away if don't want/can't, stop with the amateur detective stuff

To OP, call the numbers given earlier, they will have people that can really support you and your family. I wish you all well

hurtandworried are you planning to?

I know it's your decision, but I really think that you should:
a) tell the police tomorrow about the lie regarding drinking
b) tell you daughter that you think she should press charges
c) tell her that you believe her

lesson i do not have a clue what you are on about!! i only know what the police and sw have told me in the last 3 weeks, luckily i have never been in this shitty situation before so am not well practised in it unlike yourself! if i pick up your acronyms quickly then omg forgive me, they arent exactly rocket science eh??

Oh no dittany, I think the OP is a troll for many other reasons.

I think YOU have failed to understand the Gillick issue, and are still misunderstanding the website you're trying to reinforce your argument with.

Never mind all of us. Go upstairs and tell your daughter that although you are shocked you do believe her. Give her a hug and tell her that she's a million times more important to you than your husband.

Cos that should be the truth anyway.

To support your dd 100% you need to do what lobster said. From the horribly sad postings on here tonight you will now have a good understanding of the damage you could do to your dd (if you didn't appreciate before). Have to say if it were my dc I wouldn't have any doubt in the first place because I know the child I raised.

Hmm, well there's nothing in that article to say that Gillick competence stands in law in this sort of case even if the terminology is used by professionals. Sorry to keep banging on about it, but I feel that it is both relevant and important in relation to the OP's situation. I still do not understand how the child's statement can be allowed to stand and yet charges be dropped when the offence is child sexual abuse, not something trivial.

yes lobster, i have already said i will tell them about tapes, press charges still uncertain about to be honest, tell her i believe her, yes i think i can do that now

Nobody knows who anyone is on the internet. We are all at liberty to ignore discussions/people that we think are Not Real, but the bottom line is, whether or not someone is telling the truth about his/her experiences, the discussion might well be helpful to other people dealing with similar issues.

We are, of course, equally at liberty to join in as we wish.