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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

1003 replies

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 14:16

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
Knickers0nMaHead · 20/02/2009 22:11

Oh come on, This 'troll hunting' is getting abit silly now. On every other thread someone is shouting troll.

If you have concerns then do nothing else. Other mnetter's know what that means.

On the off chance that this is real, please stop it.

Op, I suggest you seek some profession advice.

I take ityou are new on here? Whatever possessed you to post this on here without knowing no-one?

LobstersLass · 20/02/2009 22:12

hurtandworried, have you told your daughter that you believe her unconditionally yet, and that you want her to press charges?

Desiderata · 20/02/2009 22:13

Hummm, well you come at me with a name like controlfreaky.

Not conduscive to a friendship.

I bet your kids can't eat peanuts.

MollieO · 20/02/2009 22:14

here mentions it. I wonder if it was because the OP's dd went to the police station with the school nurse? Not sure about this tbh.

dittany · 20/02/2009 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lessonlearned · 20/02/2009 22:15

....molesworth.....

bruxeur · 20/02/2009 22:16

Gillick competence refers to consent to medical procedures, nothing else.

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 22:17

i am supporting my daughter, i am not a troll as you call it

OP posts:
SalmonFromTheLiffey · 20/02/2009 22:17

not everybody thinks you're a troll. I don't. some people shout that everytime somebody doesn't react as they would.

lessonlearned · 20/02/2009 22:18

The OP already retracted on that one when redcardigan mentioned her solicitor DH was being consulted....OP then admitted a SW was present as the appropriate adult!

dittany · 20/02/2009 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 22:19

yes mollie as i said earler she did

OP posts:
Molesworth · 20/02/2009 22:19

Thanks MollieO - I did see that article but it would only apply to whether the school nurse has to respect the child's confidentiality (if requested) when a disclosure of abuse is made. But the OP is suggesting that the police are invoking this concept of 'Gillick competence' in deciding that the child is able to decide whether to press charges or not. This really doesn't ring true for me (not saying OP is trolling, just that I'm not convinced about this part of her account). I'm no expert, but I have been through a similar situation myself and there was certainly no mention of Gillick.

LobstersLass · 20/02/2009 22:20

hurtandworried can you answer my question please?

You know I'm worried about you, I've mentioned that before - but I'm also very worried about your daughter.

bruxeur · 20/02/2009 22:20

I call troll.

"As you call it"? ffs

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 22:20

i know nothiong about gillick, only what the police told me!!

OP posts:
loupiots · 20/02/2009 22:21

SFTL speaks sense.

Don't try to justify yourself. You will not be able to convince them otherwise, and will tie yourself up in knots trying to do so. It's a losing battle.

You've been on here a long time, now. Has anything about your situation been clarified for you?

bruxeur · 20/02/2009 22:22

dittany - Gillick competence refers to consent for medical procedures.

For anything else the term is being misused, I don't care who it's by - it's case law and quite specific.

Molesworth · 20/02/2009 22:22

Dittany, does the concept stand in law (as applicable to anything other than medical consent)? Is it being used as shorthand by child protection professionals? The NSPCC article doesn't make that clear.

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 22:22

lesson keep up, youre worse than me!! i only said i wasnt present as asked!!

OP posts:
saultanpepper · 20/02/2009 22:23

@Beansontoast

I've made clear that I erred in my choice of words and apologised - an apology offered sincerely, even if dittany doesn't think so.

I've also made plain that I am no misogynist. As a general rule, ad hominem attacks are usually the weapon of choice of the weak-minded; as such, they are better left untyped.

To clarify - in my first post I sought to assert that, contrary to what some on MN appear to think, not every male accused of sexual wrongdoing is guilty of it; and provided firsthand examples of where this was the case, as I interpreted some of the posts prior to mine as being somewhat prejudicial as to the guilt of the OP's husband. He may be guilty, he may not. If the CPS decide there is sufficient evidence, that a conviction would be in the public interest, and there is a reasonable chance of securing said conviction, the case will proceed to trial and he will be convicted or acquitted on the weight of the evidence. I am not going to comment on the efficacy of that process or whether I think he is guilty or otherwise; that is for a judge and jury, not MN. The OP asked for support, not a kangaroo court.

And before anyone repeats the mantra about believing her DD 100% - yes, I get the idea, but the OP needs to understand that if she truly believes that her OH abused her dd and he turns out to be innocent then her relationship with him will in all likelihood still be at an end. A stark choice - one I've not had to make, one I hope never to have to.

tiggerlovestobounce · 20/02/2009 22:23

By hurtandworried on Fri 20-Feb-09 21:10:03
LMAO@nice troll!! OMG!! why on earth would anyone make this shit up???????

By hurtandworried on Fri 20-Feb-09 22:17:02
i am supporting my daughter, i am not a troll as you call it

In just over an hour you seem to have moved from being very comfortable knowing what "troll" means, to not quite knowing what it means.

dittany · 20/02/2009 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 22:24

lobster what was your q, sorry, i keep losing connection and find it hard to keep up

OP posts:
bruxeur · 20/02/2009 22:25

There certainly are some sick bastards around, innit?

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