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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

1003 replies

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 14:16

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
PerArduaAdNauseum · 20/02/2009 21:30

@ Desiderata - where are you getting your stats from?

dollius · 20/02/2009 21:30

"More people lie about sex crimes than endure them."

Where do you get this from??

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 20/02/2009 21:31

PAAN - You are right of course, but it seems an improbable way to spend 7 hours when in the throes of such a major family crisis.

spicemonster · 20/02/2009 21:31

That is bullshit desi

Swedes · 20/02/2009 21:31

When did all of this happen, HAW? It must have been over a week ago, at least.

dollius · 20/02/2009 21:31

The fact is, you have no idea how many people endure them. I believe it is generally thought that most people who endure sex crimes do not report them.

PerArduaAdNauseum · 20/02/2009 21:32

H&W - enjoy some time with your DD - MN may be disintegrating tonight, but till this point I think you've had some useful perspectives. Hope you carry on coping, and do please come back if you need to. xx

mindalina · 20/02/2009 21:32

Are you honestly saying that when you were 14 you would have been capable of accusing your step-father of sexual abuse just for a laugh?

Well fuck me, I thought I was a terrible teen but I seriously could not have made a false allegation like that against someone.

lessonlearned · 20/02/2009 21:32

Yes desi, that is why the conviction rate is so appalingly low.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 20/02/2009 21:33

By PerArduaAdNauseum

No pictchforks here, merely an observation.

Or is that no longer allowed on MN ?

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 20/02/2009 21:33

By PerArduaAdNauseum

No pictchforks here, merely an observation.

Or is that no longer allowed on MN ?

PerArduaAdNauseum · 20/02/2009 21:33

Lightshines - she's already said it was 3 weeks ago. Seems about right that this is the time when the shock's wearing off and she needs to work things through?

lessonlearned · 20/02/2009 21:34

Your head is far from sorted yet HAW.

PerArduaAdNauseum · 20/02/2009 21:35

Bree - a pretty (3) pointed observation...

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 21:35

i dont recall calling him 'the husband', as you may have noticed i am having connection issues and can't keep up with your posts.
i knew him for a year prior to marriage, he has been married before, exwife met someone else, met her in court over maintentance
hes a senior manager in transport
dont see his side of family much, over 200 miles away from here
everyone who knows him thinks hes great, all family, friends, dds friends etc
why 1 friend..... dont know!

OP posts:
LightShinesInTheDarkness · 20/02/2009 21:35

PAAN - yes, you are probably right.

Molesworth · 20/02/2009 21:35

Give us some evidence for your assertions Desiderata. They sound like bollocks to me, but I'm prepared to be convinced if you can come up with some solid evidence for what you say.

PerArduaAdNauseum · 20/02/2009 21:35

Oops - 4 pointed. Must have been thinking tridents...

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 21:36

my head is blitzed lesson

OP posts:
onebatmother · 20/02/2009 21:36

"More people lie about sex crimes than endure them."

per conviction rates, Desi? Well, der.

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 21:39

lesson what else shall i do?? 3 teenage or nearly teenage boys inn house doing whatever teenage boys do, dd with pain bf, husband god knows where!! watch the shit on telly..... no thanks, read a book, sorry cant concentrate...stop bloody judging me because i have been on here this afternoon

OP posts:
Desiderata · 20/02/2009 21:40

Where are you getting your stats from?

My step-mother has been practising criminal law for thirty years. She now lectures in the field.

An allegation of sexual abuse needs a cool head. The idea that children are incapable of lying is so far removed from real life that I find it fucking amusing that any mother or father would validate it.

Many, many kids in this life are sexually abused. No one could possibly deny it.

But the world we live in, in the UK? Eastenders (which I would never allow my kid to watch in a month on Sundays), and any other media personification of abuse, makes it much easier for confused adolescents to make spurious claims, especially against step-parents.

Fourteen year old kids are not grown ups. They do things for attention in much the same way they did ten years earlier.

This is the fine line the legal eagles must walk. But, as people are professionals in their fields, (and with the odd, traumatic exception), most professionals can separate the wheat from the chaff.

daftpunk · 20/02/2009 21:41

desi is entitled to her opinion...anyone can make up all kinds of shit on here..how the fuck does anyone know the op is deffo telling the truth, do you all have lie detectors built into your laptops?

op..if you are for real, im very sorry for your situation...

GettingaGrip · 20/02/2009 21:41

maintenance for?

Okay, so the drinking....how often, how much..for how long has he been drinking? Did he drink when you first met him?

MmeLindt · 20/02/2009 21:42

Could anyone who thinks that HAW is a troll just leave the thread.

She found out 3 weeks ago. She has finally found a place where she can "talk" it over with people who are not involved, people who are on the whole impartial.

Why would she not stay here and post?

Why would a troll post so long?

And why on earth would she make a story like this up?

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