My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

[hurtandworried]

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

NAB you have done more than enough - above the call of duty - and I hold you in very high esteem for it but it's not worth pushing yourself further than you are comfortable with. Your intentions are admirable but your 1st duty is to protect yourself.

These thread's aren't a court of law. Same thing seems to happen when a woman makes a cry for help becuase her husband is abusing her. Somebody objective comes along to play devils advocate and suggest that she might just be a silly sensitive moo who provokes her husband. NOT helpful. Be objective somewhere else.

He may not have any previous allegations against him because he may not ever have had the opportunity to abuse a teenage girl before. But there may well, in his past, be a few women who have some unpleasant, uncomfortable and distressing memories from their teenage years that they never felt brave enough to tell anyone about, because 'it wasn't that big a deal', 'well I told him I already had a boyfriend' 'well I was flattered when he said I looked pretty in my new dress...'
Many domestic abusers are not at all violent or frightening to their victims.
It's not impossible for the victim of sexual abuse to find the actual experience not unpleasant (sorry I am trying to word this carefully enough not to distress any vulnerable people reading this) - but at the same time to know that it is not right, that they didn't want this to happen, that it wasn;t appropriate. One of the reasons why it can take several incidents of abuse before the victim speaks out is that the victim believes (in varying degrees) that s/he contributed to what happened by looking attractive, or that having had a partner/started dating somehow made her/him fair game, or that it happened because Daddy/Uncle/Teacher loves her/him so very much and their relationship is so very special...
And if it didn't hurt and wasn't brutally inflicted and the first person the victim tells goes, 'oh you're exaggerating, you misunderstood, it must have been something you did' then the victim will pretend it never happened - and be screwed up for the rest of his/her life.

yes we have talked about it, she had a week off school the 1st week and we did 'girly duvet days' when she told me all about it

I don't think the OP is a troll - too long posting, too much information coming out.

And desi I can find no reason why the OP's daughter would make this up

GaG i didnt answer as i didnt see them, yes he has parents, yes he has siblings. i only know 1 friend of his prior to our marriage

btw, the police are extremely good at reading people and can tell the truth when they hear it. THey clearly believe her. Police aren't idiots.

Dittany, I did not say or imply that I am more objective than anyone else.

Although, on this occasion, and from long experience, I would say that I was more objective than you, generally speaking.

You and I don't rub along. Pointlessly engaging me in vacuous argument does not help. I am objective enough to generally leave you alone.

I am also objective enough to occasionally agree with you on certain matters. I doubt that you would accord me the same.

I uphold the view that the OP is trolling, however. A very nice troll, but a troll, nonetheless.

Very good post solidgold.Very true from my experience of sexual abuse.

spice that makes sense

salmon the police also told me that je was very believable in his statements too, which he was as i heard them, apart from the drinking thing, when he was still believable but i knew the difference

I'm sorry you're in this position but I'm still having real trouble understanding why your default position is not one of believing your DD.

Just spoken to DH about this and he said if either the DDs ever accused him of such a thing (he is their father) he would expect me to take their side absolutely and without question because even though he would know they were lying, he would want them to be supported above all else.

As for why it didn't happen earlier. Not all abusers are paedophiles. Being atttracted to underage teenage girls with hips/boobs is wrong/deviant/unacceptable but it isn't the same as paedophilia. These men are attracted to completely different things.

solidgold - you have articulated exactly what I was trying to say.

HAW - I admire your honesty here - whatever has been said you are brave enough to admit you are only 99% sure you believe her - whether that is right or wrong to do you have been honest about it.
I really feel for you at what must be an awful time.

LMAO@nice troll!! OMG!! why on earth would anyone make this shit up???????

How does it make you feel HAW that you were excluded from your DDs interview?

Oh and DH (lawyer) has just said he finds it very strange that a potential witness (ie,you) would be given a copy of his witness statement.

yes cardigan, that makes sense. and my husband says the same!!!

So, if your dd went to a police station without you, to make a statement about inappropriate behaviour, who was the adult present, required by law?

You have caught up very quickly with the acronyms since this afternoon, HAW!

cardigan yes it is, they were posted as stated earler.
lesson it makes me upset and angry that she did it on her own, police said as i was a potential witness i wouldnt be allowed

The tape would be provided to a defence witness.

Did a social worker attend the interview with her?