My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

[hurtandworried]

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

no, i didnt think i was allowed to hear hers, his arrived at my house yesterday morning, i didnt ask, request etc, not hesittant, would love to hear hers and am annoyed that the police can take it from a child without parent being present

Let her know you want to hear it and have taken your head out of the sand and are ready to read it. please. Just tell her you will go down there tomorrow and ask to read it.

no i know that nabster, i was just answering someones question about what i know about him before he came into our lives

She's not my daughter and I believe her 100%

her 'officer' is off duty til monday, but yes, i understand what you are saying

That figures, HAW, and BTW you are the last person he would show his arrogance to if he's a predator. If this is the case (it's up to a jury to pass judgement) the man you love has 'groomed' you over the course of your entire relationship!

Yes well I didn't really mean charges or investigations, I really meant personal and family stuff... his friends etc, any orevious partners, and what happened to them.

I assume he must be in his forties now?

I also assume that you are not his only partner ever.

If he has told a convincing lie to the police about his drinking he must be a good liar. I wondered if there was anything else he had lied about.

Why would she lob a grenade into the middle of her family by making this up?

There is no reason.

On the other side of the coin, why would he do this? Because he is a paedophile who hid it from you. Paedophiles exists and they hide it. Of course they hide it. He hid it from you successfully.

Hard though it may be I think you have to tell her you believe her unconditionally. By being 'honest' with her you are not giving her the support she needs. Instead you are saying that you believe her but by then saying you can't believe your dh would do something like that you are then questioning her veracity.

Why is she seeking to withdraw the allegations now? I think that is key. If it is because you have been 'honest' with her then you need to get her to rethink. Also is she saying she wants him back because she has seen the devastation it has caused to you? You only have one chance at this so good luck.

OK, my observations about this thread have been objective, thus far.

I've been looking to redress the scales, which have been heavily weighted against the OP's husband. I don't like it when women gang up so decisively against a male, that there is no decent pause for an intelligent thought.

One person's experience of abuse does not an expert make, unfortunately. That is why we have courts of law, where dispassionate people mull things over ... objectively.

As each human being is unique, so is their experience.

Having said that, I am deeply suspicious about the OP, and think that he or she is trolling.

yes i wonder that too GaG
Nabster, not 100%, about 99% as I am still really bloody struggling coming to terms that he, of all people, would, could be capable of doing that to my daughter. and dont jump on me for that, i could have left the chat or said yes to 100%, i am trying to be honest here, to help me deal with it, to help my lovely girl deal with it, and my boys

H&W - I don't know if you can legally see your daughter's interview tape - but would she tell you what she's told the police if you ask? Have you asked? Sorry, but from previous posts it's not possible to see what direct conversation you've had about this. She might want you to see/hear her tape so she doesn't have to repeat it, but it might be good for her to just tell you what she already said (maybe while being held in a strong hug). Does that make sense?

I'm sure your DD would have had an appropriate adult present - they are required to with under 16s.
It is a real pity it wasn't you HAW!

please desiderat dont think that, as i honestly am not. my answers are perhaos a bit random, my f connection drops everytime i try to post a message.

Nabster, don't try, I feel frustrated. I don't know how you must feel. Save your energy for yourself. x

@Nabster - are you supported elsewhere?

no lesson, its not, its the first thing i jumped on, under this gillick thing they can question without, a shck to me i promise you

Desid - why? Do you spot inconsistencies?

I am fairly new here, so probably would not recognise the signs.

Shame if it is. This thread has opened up some deep wounds for some MNers.

I have been lurking on this too and feel desperately sorry for your DD and for you and your sons.

But about the interview with your DD. Surely it is better if the mother is not there - the child should be able to talk without fear of upsetting, etc her (knowing that it is your DH she is talking about).

Are his parents still alive? Does he have siblings? What about his friends from pre-marriage?

You don't answer these questions.

They are part of the picture of this man.