My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

[hurtandworried]

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

No lesson, if you listen to the tapoes one of the 1st thingsthey ask after names etc is ' do you wish for a copy of the tapes to be sent to your home addy?'. he replied 'yes'. this was before interview, before bail conditions etc. a cockup on the part of police i think, not deviousness on his part

Afaik abuse often starts once girls reach puberty, become more sexual in nature, that kind of thing,. If she has recently started seeing a boy, it might well have coincided with her stepdad 's view of her changing - sorry, sounds awful - but it can happen that way.

(I think using the "why didn't he abuse her earlier" as his defence is very dodgy ground indeed....)

H&W - if he has abused your daughter he doe deserve to go to prison as a nonce because that is what he is. The lies about his drinking are highly incriminating in my opinion. It's about justice. It doesn't undo what he did to your dd, but he gets justice for it, and will be put on the sex offenders register - this is very important, as it will be there officiallyo stop this happening to another girl.

I really do understand your shock and turmoil, but I also understand the reactions of nabster and the other ladies who have experienced abuse. Abuse affects people for the rest of their lives. It is a fundemental betrayal of trust, and affects how children view relationships in the future. I also agree that her bf's reaction could haveplayed a part in her choice not to proceed with pressing charges. I would suggest that you encourage your daughter to press charges.

I know it must be really hard for you, But from everything you've said on here, it really does sound as if your DD is telling the truth. Her step-dad has already betrayed her trust in one relationship - it's important that you support her, so she doesn't feel betrayed by her mother.

H&W
my abuser liked girls of a certain age. I found out many years later he was abusing before me , and after me. Each time moving to a girl within the age range he liked.
There is no reason whythe abuse could or should have started earlier.
Plus it took a certain number of months/years grooming each girl before he was ready to feel confident and risk it. He always had deniabilty. Which sounds very similar to your DPs drink/drunk excuse

yes orangina, i have

Your DDs potential witnesses are her close family. He has already nobbled you but her DBs may not even be aware that they have seen something relevant until they are questioned!
Wake up HAW, FGS!
BTW you will be deemed complicit if you are aware that he has already lied about his drinking.

the ss said it fits a profile too, girl reaching puberty, getting bf, possibly being sexually active etc

t strikes me you are totally on hold until you know who's telling the truth for sure. Until then you can't even let the floodgates of anger open a little bit in case it's inappropriate - and as you said if he HAS done this to your daughter you'll want to kill him - entirely natural response.

You're in limbo and it must be very very hard.

I will tell police on monday re drinking. sorry if i seem a bit dumb in these proceedings, not been with a paedophile in my life before!!

yes flight, thats it in a nutshell!!

HAW, I ma so sorry for you and your family. I cannot imagine how hard this is for all of you.

To continue what Orangina said, what would you do if he was released back to yuo and the family? Would you trust him to be near your dd after all of this, even if she drops the charges?

Would you not be constantly looking for anyhting?

but i doubt i will ever know the truth for sure eh?

This is so sad for you all hurtandworried.

You sound exhausted.

yes little, it doesnt bear thinking about. i havent had any plans for the future really, dd wants him back in family home, its me thats said no way, not yet, not til its come to an end

Flight I reread my post and don't see what you refer to?

yes crumpled i am, physically and mentally, its even worse than the bereavemenst if that makes sense?

What was your husband's personal life all about before you got together? Was he married previously? If so, do you know why the marriage(s) failed? Any clue in his background as to whether it is POSSIBLE he could have done this before?

H&W - it sounds to me as if you're coming to accept that this has actually happened - and that must add to the hurt you were feeling before, but at least you can now start to act in the way best for your daughter. I know (from what you've posted) that this isn't the sort of support you were looking for, but I'm hoping that you've had the kind of support you needed? For what it's worth, I'd phone the police now and tell them a. you've got the tapes and they need to be collected and b. he lied about the drinking. Then you can spend the weekend knowing that you've done something concrete for your daughter, and that the interview on Monday won't have to be reconsidered/restarted based on this new information.

thanks dittany buts its what i needed really

OK, I accept that some abusers will pick on a target age range, and that the OP's dd may well have fallen into it.

But a man who's been married to the OP for ten years, and with step-sons?

Seems a long time to wait for your pickings.

''you have been very active in talking to all the potential witnesses and telling them you do not believe your DD, possibly influencing their perception of events/ confidence in their judgement!''

That bit, lessonlearned.

yes per that makes perfect sense

Desiderata - not helpful. Do you have any experience of child-protection work?