My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

[hurtandworried]

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

I too am worried about the tapes; a good defence will use the fact of them being in the house against you/your daughter

HAW, you are not in shock. You are in denial. Shock immobilises and you have been very active in talking to all the potential witnesses and telling them you do not believe your DD, possibly influencing their perception of events/ confidence in their judgement!
No wonder the police do not think they can proceed!!!
You recieved Your DPs tapes as he is allowed to provide them for the purpose of his defence!!!!
He is saying he has every faith in you getting him off the legal hook.
I hope your DD is recieving pastoral support in school, and not counselling. You have been promised this and family therapy, by Social services, in due course - not during investigation! If she is seeing a counsellor this must stop now and if this goes to prosecution and is a factor in your DD failing to get a conviction, then I hope you advise her to sue this counsellor!

no i shouldnt have listened but i couldnt resist! wouldnt you have done the same?

H&W - if he's a nonce, then yes he deserves to go to prison as one . There's no happy ending here, but there is a bright future for you and your DCs (Dear Children) - hang on to that. xx

the police DO think they can proceed!!!

What happens if he goes on to abuse more girls???

Your feelings won't and shouldn't come into it.It's not about your marriage or what you've had between him,it's about your daughters (and other childrens) welfare.

I dont think you should have listened to the tapes but if they had been posted to me in that situation i am sure that io wouldnt have been able to leave them alone

where is your family police support worker? he should be there for you, so you can tell him things like the tapes have been delivered to you (presumerably when your dh was interviewed he gave it as his home address)

i think her bfs reaction maybe a major reason why your dd doesnt want to presss charges

go upstairs, go to her and say its been really hard for me, im sorry if you felt i couldnt believe you but i was in shock, i love you and i believe you and i want you to press charges

Punishment enough?

If he is an abuser no itis notenough. It is a social responsibility to help prevent him from doing it again. Who says your dd is the first victim?

what witnesses have i talked to?? what the hell are yopu on about??

Fwiw yes I believe your love for him, your present confusion etc etc IS clouding your judgment.

Nab - I hope you are ok. xx

yes he did, before it was agreed he couldnt come back here

Lessonlearned your post doesn't make a lot of sense.

yes flight you may be right, so how on gods earth do i change?????

Oh and now it becomes clear as to why your daughter is dropping the charges.

"nabster in all honesty i agree with dd, does he really deserve to go to prison as a nonce? or is my still alive love for him clouding things? surely losing me, his home, the kids he's viewed as his, is punishment enough?"

Frankly love, no it isn't enough. It doesn't come close to being enough. And if your daughter knows this is how you feel it explains everything about her wanting to drop the charges.

She must be feeling like utter shit. She's been brave enough to give a videoed interview to the police, but her own mother (the person that's supposed to love her unconditionally) appears to be more concerned about the punishment that may be doled out to her husband.

Listen to yourself woman.

Tell the police about the drinking. And be a responsible adult, don't let her think that dropping the charges is the right thing to do. It's akin to brushing this under the carpet. Except that this is SO big that it can't be brushed under the carpet. It'll leave a fucking big lump that you'll all be skirting around for ever.

Nabster I also hope you are ok. I feel touched by your responses on here this afternoon.

HAW her boyfriend sounds like a helpful soul!

I think a little perspective is required here.

Judging by some of these posts .. in fact, a lot of these posts, it's taken as read that allegations of sexual abuse are correct, 100% of the time.

We know that isn't true. Adolescents are more than capable of spinning a yarn, not necessarily out of malice, but out of the confusion that comes with the territory.

So, if the OP is harbouring doubt, there may be a sound intuitive reason behind it.

I find it a little curious that the OP's dd has alleged that the abuse happened very recently, despite that her step-father has lived under the same roof for ten years.

Nothing's written in stone, but I would have thought that sexual abuse would have started sooner than that.

yes dittany i see that, but i have also worked on vp units in my previous career as a drug specialist and i DO know what they are like, and rightly or wrongly i really cannot imagine sending my husband to one

Why should the abuse of started earlier?

Aaarghhhh! He's had the tapes released to the same address as your DD????
He is one clever bastard indeed!
Your poor DD! Phone SS out of hours now and report this, please!
Hand over those tapes to someone in authority for safekeeping NOW!

her bf is a pain!!

hmmm, well you wouldnt be sending him to one, if he did it and was found guilty the he would have 'sent himself' to one by commiting the crime

yes desidrata, thats what i couldnt understand. why now?? why not earleir?

HAW, if you don't mind me asking, if your dd decides NOT to press charges, as she is saying at the moment, what do you envisage happening to your husband? Will he come back into the marital home? Or will you continue to have nothing to do with him? I'm assuming you can't just let him back into your lives; therefore sending him off to a new life wherever.... wouldn't you ever worry about what he might do to someone else?

I suppose what I'm asking is, haven't you lost him anyway? What are you trying to hold on to?

Perhaps it's because she's started to look womanly.

It doesn't matter why. What matters is if it's happened or not.