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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

1003 replies

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 14:16

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 19:04

yes re tapes, i will tell them on monday. im sure i shouldnt have them eh? dd wants to listen to them, have discouraged it so far

OP posts:
Desiderata · 20/02/2009 19:05

Haw, at the beginning of this thread, you alluded to the fact that your daughter had recently had a relationship problem. Was this with a boyfriend? Her first serious boyfriend, perhaps.

Can you tell us what you know about this? It might be the key to your current dilemma.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 19:05

yes pagwatch, i am taking her lead on any discussions. she has told a couple of her gfriends, and her boyfriend, who, it must be said, accused her of attention seeking

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 19:07

yes desidrata, 1st serious bfriend, they have latley been a bit 'on and off', she has strated to skip school to go and see him. she had strated smoking too, as he does, but, call me niave, i just thought this was teeenage behaviour

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 19:08

oh god at my typos!! hope you can understand my messages!!

OP posts:
pagwatch · 20/02/2009 19:08

she will get a lot of odd rections from people. it is one of those things that people don't know how to process so they can be quite

dittany · 20/02/2009 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 19:09

also 2 big bereavements in my family, my dad, the kids only grandpa, and my younger brother in the last 8 months

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 19:10

yes dittany thats what i thought too

OP posts:
Flightattendant27 · 20/02/2009 19:10

How will they know she hasn't listened to them though? It could get really complicated.

CrackerNut · 20/02/2009 19:10

How old is her bf ?

warthog · 20/02/2009 19:10

i'm so glad she's got you as a mum. i think you're doing really well. you've got my full support.

LobstersLass · 20/02/2009 19:10

hurtandworried, I really feel for you. You must be in emotional turmoil.

You've had lots of good advice on this thread and I'm really pleased you've found mumsnet.

There is one thing you said that I want to pick up on...

At 18:50, you posted this: "i will not and have not shilded him on anything"

You need to tell the Police about the drinking. It is a key piece of information. Tell them that you've listened to the tapes and that this is a lie. Your husband should be given the opportunity to explain this fabrication of his to the Police and they Police should be given the opportunity to evaluate the full facts.
If he's innocent, he'll still be innocent.
Do not hide evidence from the Police. This is sheilding him.

I wish you strength to get through this terrible period in your life.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 19:10

and the total shame pagwatch

OP posts:
PerArduaAdNauseum · 20/02/2009 19:11

H&W - re the tapes - telling your DD that she can't listen to them because it might hurt her chances of prosecution if the defence found out would send her a really clear message of 'you believe her' and 'it's OK to press charges' - which might be key to getting her to move forward with this?

Have been lurking and unable to contribute till now, but thought that worth saying.

Hope you both get all the support you need.

Nabster · 20/02/2009 19:11

If you Could decide whether he should be prosecuted. what would you do?

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 19:11

oh warthog thankyou

OP posts:
poshwellies · 20/02/2009 19:12

I don't think you should of listened to the tapes imo.

What's to say you haven't made copies or dictated back to your dd what you heard.

Believe me,if it does go to the courts,the cross examinations aren't very nice and they will find anyway to rip you to shreds.

HolyGuacamole · 20/02/2009 19:12

Don't let her listen to the tapes. For so many reason, just don't let her listen to them.

Can't believe that was her BFs reaction, that she was attention seeking. He seems like the kind of guy that she does not need in her life.

dittany · 20/02/2009 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 19:13

nabster in all honesty i agree with dd, does he really deserve to go to prison as a nonce? or is my still alive love for him clouding things? surely losing me, his home, the kids he's viewed as his, is punishment enough?

OP posts:
Nabster · 20/02/2009 19:14

And on that note I am going to say good might.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 19:14

her boyfriend is 17. i have opposed it all along, but hes still around!!

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 19:16

i understand nabster and thankyou for your feedback and comments

OP posts:
HolyGuacamole · 20/02/2009 19:16

For an abuser, losing family, home etc etc IS NOT ENOUGH! Even prison is not enough. IMO, people who abuse children have no place on this earth.

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