My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

[hurtandworried]

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

It does seem like madness that you have to wait until monday to talk to the police.

no to blackouts.
no to family worker, investigating officer only works mon-fri

yes dittany, i see that

I hope that came across right...I just mean it's natural to blame oneself even though one should not. In no way is any of this your fault HAW.

so how do i stop loving him!! god this is hard

Oh hurtandworried. I so wish that you had somebody with you. Are you close to your parents? Is there nobody that you trust enough to talk to?

well imo then you need to give your daughter your full backing, including talking to her re the criminal prosecution. you need to listen to what ss are saying to you re how to help dd and if they're not helping her then try to make them. you need to stop communicating with your h (how would dd be likely to feel thinking you are talking to him about this??) whilst thi is going on and tell him and dd why. you need to tell the police he has lied about his drinking, BEFORE she tells them she doesnt want him charged.

Bloody disgrace re family worker. You should have some support at the weekends. Christ knows how you are coping with all those kids, btw, have you any family/friends who are rallying round?

yes flight i know what you meant i think

I am confused about the reference to Gillick. Gillick competence relates to medical law and is used to determine whether or not a minor is competent to consent to their own medical treatment. I don't understand how this is relevant in your daughter's case?

You don't have to stop loving him...your daughter obviously still does. We are allowed to love people who have done bad things. Feelings are always mixed up, never clear cut. You get to keep all your feelings about him. It's only your actions you need to decide on iyswim xx

my dad just died a few months ago, mum very ill, cant think of anyone to trust this kind of stuff with

no to rallying as i havent told anyone

to slayer i dont understand it either, i only know what the police and ss told me

HAW, sorry I didn't mean to sound like I was suggesting that due to the shortness of my post. I just think that the lies about the drinking should be relayed to the Police as a matter of course and if he is going to explain his reasons for lying to anyone it should be them.

Am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. For most people it is completely unimaginable and therefore difficult to imagine just how anyone would even begin to comprehend something on such a scale

I hope you all get every ounce of support that you need to get through this.

You mentioned earlier that nothing in particular has happenedrecently in your daughters's life. I would say first period and first boyfriend are pretty significant.

My friend dug her heels in andrefused to back down about her stepfathers abuse when her mother gave birth to a baby girl. She found the strenght to prosecute him because she would have always felt as if she had let her sister down if it happened to her.

You should inform the police you have his tapes. You do not need any technicalities getting in the way.

CFreaky - what are your thoughts on whether he ought to face charges? Will this have a bearing on the outcome - for the girl's emotional recovery? Will it potentially affect her much later if she doesn't press charges now? I'm curious to know as I'd assume it would but could be wrong.

How do your children feel about the fact that nobody else knows? Is your daughter wanting to keep very quiet about it. It is intensely private I know.

iyswim ... whats that mean? sorry, newbie on here

'if you see what I mean', sorry!

yes, they all want to keep it contained. sometimes i feel like i want to go and tell everyone i know and strangers too

thanks!!

I would suspect that they feel ashamed. Obviously they shouldn't. This is too big for you to deal with alone.

H&W I was abused by a very close relative and in spite of the fact that I had not done a thing wrong I felt, throughout my childhood and into adulthood, a totally overwhelming sense of shame.
You must get her consent as much as possible about how this is discussed amongst others.
I think she is being incredibly brave.
I didn't even try to tell until I was an adult and then it was brushed aside.