My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

[hurtandworried]

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

all of my children are his stepchildren, 4 boys age range from 20 to 12

Really? She is fourteen and she has to decide whether to prosecute her father or not? jeeeezus.

Do you not get a say in it?

Also, have you contacted any of the links from earlier. As helpful as mumsnet may be, I really do think you need more professional, impartial and constructive guidance and support.

yes flightattendant, i think its wrong but its the way it is, she was assessed as competent under gillick law!! no, i get no say whatsoever.......i'm only the mother!!!! and thats how it feels

So some of them are thinking like adults and some like children so it's difficult to say you should respond to them all in the same way.
tricky.

also kind of answered another question i was going to ask, how old were you when you got together with him?
but can't have been too young with a 10yr old (if i've done the maths right).

police asked about him giving her drink, and no, he didnt, both say so

Yes, flightattendant, I made a comment like that earlier. Surely as a minor she can't make that decision (can she?)

I thought Gillick was about contraception not actual sexual abuse by a family member.

lmao!! it was ten yrs ago so i was 33

not contacted anyone yet but i have all the links and i will be doing, thankyou

HAW I'm sorry if I sounded critical towards you at all - not intended. If the law is such it is incredibly flawed imo.

Good. They will be able to help I'm sure.

gillicks initial campaign was for contraception, it now governs youth justice and childrens involvement with the law apprently

yes flight, i think it stinks but its there and in use

Damn not posted on here for years.

Sorry to hear what you are dealing with, however........

Your daughter says it happened when he had drunk a lot.

Your husband LIES to the police and plays down his drinking.

Who is the only one you tell us has lied to the police regarding a really important issue here so far?

dittany his 'reason' for lying about the drink was that he didnt want to make a crap situation any worse, not excusing him, just telling what he toldme

of course no one on here can know what has / hasnt happened HAW.... but i'm going toi stick my neck out here. have been involved as professional in child protection cases for many years and a lot of what you have told us would be ringing alarm bells for me, viewing what you have told us free from your closeness to the situation. the more you have told us the more concerned i am for your dd.

she has made these allegsations to a virtual stranger, outside the family, which must have been v hard

she has rpeated them in a v credible way to the police in a formal i/v which must have been a terrible experience

she has not in any way retracted her allegations / changed her story

she has no obvious "motive" for lying such as a difficult relationship with new step father etc.

as far as you know she does not tell lies

she has given a detailed account of something that has happened a number of times (wouldnt a one off suffice for a made up malicious allegation?)

your h does drink. she says the abuse happened after he was drinking. he has lied about his drinking, in a formal police i/v

he had opportunity if, as dd says this arose when you were out at work and he was home with her.

have to say i know you keep writing of your confusion etc. but i really think you have to 100% get behind supporting your dd here for all the reasons people have posted.

yes, now its being put like that..... my head is a shed and i wasnt looking at it like that at all

HAW - just asking, but you have talked about his lying about the drinking with him and not the Police? Surely you're not going to shield him on this?

While lots of people who drink too much and lie about it are not child-abusers, that does sound a bit worrying. Has he, to your knowledge, ever drunk so much that he has (or claims to have) blackouts?

OMG!! controlfreak that makes it look so bloody obvious!! you have just extracted from all the mess the key points that, i think, i have been ignoring, not seeing, not wanting to see. i am and have been behind her 100% though

Can't believe you have to wait til sodding Monday to talk to the police again. Have you been given any interim support, like a caseworker (I may be talking nonsense, I dn't know how these things work)

i will not and have not shilded him on anything holyguac

Having to face suddenly the possibility/probability that the person you have built your life around for ten years, entrusted your children to, and yourself of course - has done something so awful, right under your nose - is going to hit you hard. It would throw most of us completely.

You'll have to deal with a lot of anger and pain and so on - not least against yourself for 'allowing' it to happen, despite the fact you never would have had you had any idea

It's going to be very difficult, and I want to suggest you get lots of support in place for all of you as a family and individually.