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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

1003 replies

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 14:16

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 20/02/2009 18:15

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ContainsMildPeril · 20/02/2009 18:15

Mindalina - the second one obviously.

Just because it happens doesn't make it right - which is what i was getting at - my disbelief.

Take care at revealing too much.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 20/02/2009 18:15

so does he often lie about stuff?

ContainsMildPeril · 20/02/2009 18:16

My disbelief at Mother's not believing - just to clarify.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 18:17

no he doesnt often lie at all. i did say earleir that the lie about drink is the one thing that has given me a doubt about all this

OP posts:
RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 20/02/2009 18:17

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RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 20/02/2009 18:18

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Nabster · 20/02/2009 18:18

What do you mean about revealing too much CMP and who was it aimed at?

I am thinking the drinking thing might be relevant.

Guadalupe · 20/02/2009 18:18

HAW - my mum was abused by her stepfather from the age of 12-16. Nobody believed her. He was a good family man and an upstanding member of the community. She ran away repeatedly but they always brought her home, until she was 16 and then no-one brought her home. She slept in a bus shelter for a while.

This must be dreadful for you, but I cannot imagine how your daughter feels knowing that her family don't believe her and her brothers think she watches too much tv.

I hope you can take some of the advice on here and do what you can to support your daughter who has no-one else but you to be there for her right now. I wish you strength for the both of you.

Nabster · 20/02/2009 18:18

He lied about the drink so NOW you think he did abuse her?

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 18:19

Im sorry you find it hard to understand my disbeleif, i do too, but i am just being honest about the shock and anguish i feel in this horrible situation

OP posts:
Nabster · 20/02/2009 18:19

We get that you are shocked and anguished. Anyone would be?

Do you believe your daughter has been assaulted?

slightlycrumpled · 20/02/2009 18:20

Oh HAW, it doesn't sound good does it. Of course drinking doesn't make an abuser, but why lie? If he is innocent he is being a fool.

I feel for you, I really do and I truly hope you get some real life help to enable you to continue to support your daughter primarily and of course your sons.

for nabster.

Nabster · 20/02/2009 18:20

Thank you slightlycrumpled.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 18:20

all but 1, she thinks, happened whilst i was at work and he had been drinking. its a poor excuse though!!

OP posts:
Nabster · 20/02/2009 18:22

what do you mean all but 1?

Molesworth · 20/02/2009 18:22

It happened more than once then?

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 20/02/2009 18:22

people sometimes drink to disinhibit themselves, because they are in emotional pain and want to numb themselves, because they are poor at self control....

i would be thinking a lot about the reasons behind his drinking and his reasons for lying.

i think it would be highly relevant to my thinking about all this if dd had said he made "advances" or whatever words she used after drinking too much and he's lying about his drinking.

i asked you below about this but you chose not to answer (thread is fast moving i know).... have you told police he has lied to them? if not why not if dd is your priority??

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 18:22

assaulted? no,

OP posts:
Flightattendant27 · 20/02/2009 18:23

I guess until the truth was established I'd find it very hard virtually to condemn a man I loved - as there is likely no way back from that should he be proven not guilty.

However

There is far less of a way back if you are seen by your child to disbelieve her or even to doubt her. It's a very difficult situation but if he is anything like a decent father he will FULLY understand why you had to take her side.

You are her only protector and you HAVE to take her side in this as nobody else will, and if she is telling the truth, she needs that protection and your faith in her more than most of us can even imagine

If she is not then it will all come out and you and he can rebuild something. As I said if he is a decent man he will understand your position and expect you to believe your daughter.

In fact his stance on that may be very telling.

Has he commented on whether you ought to believe him or her? How is he behaving toward you at the moment, in any contact you have had since the allegations were made?

Nabster · 20/02/2009 18:23

?

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 20/02/2009 18:24

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Nabster · 20/02/2009 18:25

I don't think that will happen

Flightattendant27 · 20/02/2009 18:25

Have you spoken to him about who you believe?

What was his reaction?

slightlycrumpled · 20/02/2009 18:26
Sad
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