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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

1003 replies

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 14:16

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
ContainsMildPeril · 20/02/2009 18:00

Molesworth - why would hiding the thread help?

I'd just want to rip his balls off that's all. Sorry if this "offends".

mindalina · 20/02/2009 18:00

HAW, I am so sorry for you and your daughter that you've found yourselves in this situation. tbh I think it sadly is a hell of a lot more common than people realise. Your daughter is really really brave to tell you, and even braver to tell the police - she could well be preventing this from happening to someone else.

I really hope you both have all the support you need in the future. I'm sorry I don't really have any proper advice, but I couldn't read this thread and not wish you well.

slightlycrumpled · 20/02/2009 18:01

No then you shouldn't. At all. It may or may not help but fwiw you sound like you know what you are talking about and it would be wrong for anyone else to get hurt again. I was also worried about you going round just from the tone of your posts as we have never 'spoken'.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 20/02/2009 18:01

so what did your h say in i/v... you haven't told us. i would like to know what his explanation for your dds actions might be??

Molesworth · 20/02/2009 18:01

@ CMP - what did you mean by posting a sceptical emoticon?

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 18:02

a troll?? eh? whats that mean?

OP posts:
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 18:03

he has no explanation, same as i dont. he did however lie to them about how much he drinks, and denied all the4 allegations

OP posts:
Nabster · 20/02/2009 18:04

Slightlycrumpled Was that to me? I didn't understand all of your post.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 20/02/2009 18:04

it means someone who makes stuff up to get attention / cause trouble etc. i would point out though that no one has said that about you on this thread, only someone assuming that's what others may be thinking (sorry, over complicated).

ContainsMildPeril · 20/02/2009 18:04

Maybe the fact that i'm finding this unbelievable lies in my own naivety of a mother's reaction - if this is the case then i apologise.

Nabster · 20/02/2009 18:05

Why would he lie to the police about how much he drinks?

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 18:05

not 4 allegations, typo again sorry

OP posts:
Molesworth · 20/02/2009 18:05

Sorry for mentioning the T word. I fail to understand why anyone would bother to post on this thread with just a sceptical emoticon. It happens a lot on MN sadly.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 20/02/2009 18:06

so why do you think he lied about that? is he a v heavy drinker? if so, why? is he often "out of it", or does he do things after drinking that he is later ashamed of / are "out of character"? have you told the police he has lied to them?

slightlycrumpled · 20/02/2009 18:06

Sorry nabster, I'm talking shite. Usually do.

Just wanted to say that no you probably shouldn't lay yourself bare, instead I let my typing run away with me. Sorry.

muffle · 20/02/2009 18:06

HAW a troll is someone who posts something untrue to get attention or wind people up. There is one type of troll that posts about sexual matters and especially things concerning children and sex, so I think this is why some sceptical () faces have appeared. However, you are not at all like a troll as far as I can see - they usually post just the first message then don't return, and they are usually not as consistent as you have been. Please ignore the posts - trolling is not nice but nor is troll-accusing.

Nabster · 20/02/2009 18:07

Don't apologise slightcrumpled. Also appreciate anyone looking out for me.

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 18:07

controlfreaky i really really wish i was making this up!!! how on earth could you think such a thing????

OP posts:
Nabster · 20/02/2009 18:08

because some people do

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 20/02/2009 18:09

HAW i absolutely didnt suggest you were making anything up. i simply was explaining what a troll was, as you aked.

Molesworth · 20/02/2009 18:09

Sorry controlfreaky, that was my fault

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 20/02/2009 18:10

no apologies necessary. really.

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 18:10

nabster because he does, on occasion, drink too much, its about the only thing we ever row about

OP posts:
mindalina · 20/02/2009 18:10

CMP - what are you finding unbelievable, that a step-father could abuse his step-daughter? Because that would make you about the singularly most naive person in the world. There is a truly frightening statistic about how many step-fathers are perpetrators of sexual abuse, I don't know what it is exactly but someone linked it on here once.

Or do you find it hard to believe that you would struggle to instantly believe the man you have spent however many years in a happy marriage with, a man who has looked after your children as his own etc etc, has actually done something so abhorrent? Well actually that's pretty naive as well tbh, given the amount of people who've posted to say their own mothers didn't believe them when they 'disclosed' (i hate that word, but it's better than admitted I guess)

I for one haven't told my mother my step-father sexually abused me, cos I don't think she will believe me, despite his being a drug addict and all round shit human being. She loved him you see. Love is blind, they say, and sadly they're right a lot of the time. Besides which it's hard to admit that you yourself have been deceived for so long.

HAW, sorry to derail your thread but that comment irritated me. Once again, I wish you and your daughter all the very best in getting through this.

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 18:13

yes he gets drunk, wouldnt say he gets 'out of control' though

OP posts:
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