My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

[hurtandworried]

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

HAW - I feel really sad for your situation, but have to add my voice to the others who are saying that, even while understanding why you are conflicted about what to make of all this yourself, your daughter needs to feel you 100% believe her. I can't see any way that you could have articulated your ghost analogy to her, to be honest, which wouldn't have basically said I don't entirely believe you.

I know you are understandably very tied up in this situation, but looking at this thread objectively - which is what you said you were hoping for in one of your posts - you seem to be welcoming all the posts that support you doubting your daughter, and feeling hurt by the ones that say you need to think very carefully about what you say to your daughter to ensure she gets no inkling of your doubts.

Saultanpepper - sorry, but I don't think your analogies are equivalent to this situation. Who do you think has coached the daughter in this situation? And there is nothing in what the OP has said to suggest there is any pickle the daughter has got herself into (unlike your other work-based example) that this would be designed to get her out of. I do totally understand that those must have been horrible experiences, but they are not the same as this one, based on the info we've been given.

Please use

Mosac

They will help you gain clarity.

I don't want you to miss this link, (there's so much on here) and so, posting twice.

I read recently that polygraphs are about 60% reliable. So not much better than 50/50 really.

Mosac looks like the perfect place to look for specialist support. DO give them a call HAW, please!

hmm interesting stats molesworth, I dont have the money anyway so it wont be happening.
I am open to all of the posts Helen, i just didnt like the ones saying Im not supporting her because I am doing my best

Ive got the link polly thankyou, and had a look on the site earlier

I just feel that at the moment I dont want to talk about it out loud, and I know some of you will say thats denial, its not, its just how I am coping with it, because I have to, if I crack there will be noone here for the kids

If you can't say it out loud (I quite understand that) you can email them.

here

Can you get a really good friend to come round in the evening, after DCs are in bed, open some wine, get tissues ready and let rip?

Ooh HAW - feeling a bit bad as I can see things moved on while I was painfully slowly constructing my last post.

And so sorry if I came across as suggesting you aren't doing your best - I don't doubt that for a minute. . I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must be for you.

hurtandworried, it sounds to me as if some of the posters that have been harder on you are speaking from personal experience, and whilst it may make it harder to listen to, listen to them you must. You want your daughter in years to come (whatever the outcome) to be able to say that was a truly shit time but my mum was the one I could trust.

Of course you are doing your best but tbh with nobody that really knows you helping you I think you are in the worst kind of hell.

I can totally see how and why you would need support to support your daughter, it is a horrific situation for you all.

Is there a MN'er near you that you could lean on for a bit?

Thankyou.
To backtrack, I dont know what made her tell the school nurse, and she says she doesnt either, just says she wishes she hadnt.

I dont know greyskull, its the 1st time ive been on this site

And I really didnt mean to upset anyone by opening this topic, just wanted a sounding board for my very mixed up scrambled head!!

But although she says she wishes she hadn't told anyone, she still wants her statement to the police to stand?

Honestly, that must've been a terribly hard thing for her to do. To tell someone in the first place. Then to have to go through the trauma of giving a statement to the police (presumably this was done in an interview suite on camera?).

If she had made it up, would she not have caved in by now and admitted it?

Would the police not be able to spot a fabricated allegation?

Sorry for all the questions.

Yes to all the above molesworth, her statement was taken and videoed to be used in court later. As I said, police said she was a very credible witness, but they also said so was husband in his interview too. i have listened to his interview tapes, did i say that earlier?

i agree molesworth. i think her actions in telling speak more loudly to me than her subsequent wish not to go through with criminal charges, because as i understand you HAW she is NOT saying she was lying / it didnt happen etc.

dont understand at all how she is going to retract to police without another statement saying i made it up / i was wrong etc. in the absence of that there is evidence of criminal acts (her original statement) and it will be the cps not the police who decide what will happen... or has he not been charged yet? has she told you why she has changed her mind re police??

and what does your h say? has he any explanation why his sd with whom he has a close not acrimonious relationship would make such v serious allegations to someone outside the family and on the record to the police??

yes very much so dittany

I am back now.

Do you want me to come over?

He is on conditional bail, not being charged yet. she can withdraw statement under gillick principle, nothing to do with parental consent etc,and as there is no forensic evidence the police cannot proceed without it. She is not saying it didnt happen, just that she doesnt want criminal proceedings.

HAW I don't think you are in denial, I think you are shocked, hurt, confused and you must be terrified. This is going to rock your family to the core, but you will be able to get through it with support.

Emailing the link that is at the top of the page will be a step in the right direction. After all you have been very brave by posting here.

just seen this. not had time to read teh entirwe thread but there is a charity called MOSAC. they offer a telephone helpline to support parents whose children have been sexually abused.

i will see if i can find a number for you.

Please believe your daughter. unless there has been some animosity between her and her father recently then i see no reason why she would have made such an allegation up. if she is clealr and consistent in her story then im afraid, however improbable it must seem top you..she is far more likely to be telling the truth.

myheart goes out to you both as this si the most awful stituation to be in.