DP got violent sort of, but I provoked him, not sure what to make of it all (long)

[Crowley]

I have name changed for this.

I have been with my partner for around 2 years, we have lived together for the past year or so.

I am out 3 nights a week on a college course (purely hobby, nothing that will further career or anything). Last friday night I was invited out to the pub for a few drinks. I went and DP was fine about it. I also went out on the saturday night with some friends and on the sunday morning until lunch time.

All last week was normal, work during day, out 3 nights at college. I was invited out again on Friday night to an anne summers party. I went but DP asked if I'd stay in saturday as he'd like to get a takaway and watch movie together. I agreed.

Saturday however I was invited out to somewhere I used to go years ago and had missed loads, I agreed. I didn't think DP would be that bothered.

Anyway he was and asked me to cancel. I said no. He got really angry with me and said I was being selfish. I kind if knew deep down that I was but I'm stubborn and didn't want to back down. I insisted I'd be going out and he didn't have to like it.

Saturday evening came and I started getting ready. He cornered me in the living room and said he wasn't going to let me out. I told him I wasn't asking for him permision and I turned my back on him. He then grabbed my arm, spun me back to him and pinned me against the wall. He dropped his arms when he realised he'd frightend me but he kept shouting in my face and he was being so aggressive. Its the first time I have ever feared him. Its the most frightened I have ever been to be honest. I thought he was going to beat me up.

He finished by shouting "get away, out of my fucking sight" and I ran upstairs. I cancelled going out and then started to get changed into night clothes, crying. He came charging upstairs a few minutes later, caught me half undressed and shouted "are you getting changed???" thinking I was getting ready to go out. I told him I was getting changed into nightclothes and he shouted "don't you dare fucking lie to me" and I showed him my nightdress. I was crying and so scared again and he took it off me, put his arms around and me and said "i'm so sorry, I'm acting like a complete twat. Don't ever be frightened of me, I just miss you when you're out all the time".

I'm confused by it all because I KNOW I provoked the whole thing by being so selfish and arrogent. But, I'm still not sure if he would have hit me if I'd pushed him further and that bothers me.

I have apologised to but I'm now feeling wary of him which I never did before. Am I justified or as it was my own fault it got so bad, should I let it go?

Nah - I just like some of the responses!

Such as "I'm not going to kill you or be violent to you"

The internet is just great!

Oh and "you don't belong here" LOL

huh?

No salem1 you don't belong here, doesn't stop you typing your twisted logic though, and presenting it as an interesting perspective of some such. What bollix. This is a suppportive environment. Not a platform for you to somehow find proof that violence is ok and that women are to blame for not showing enough respect.

I find your mindset spinechilling. Utterly misogynist and deluded, so I do wonder what on earth you are doing here on a forum which celebrates women and their intelligence and wit and support.

Perhaps there is a thembitchestheyisaking'forit.com forum somewhere? You'd fit right in there I bet.

You're like a character from a Jeffrey Deaver novel.

Continue..............please

hey salem/N1 just be a dear would you, and toddle off and do this test then come back and tell us all the result.

Thanks

I'm just loving the 'commanding' and 'controlling' language from some of the women on this thread - especially on this thread!

And hey! Are we allowed to use links on here as well?

Some very obvious points have been made to you SalemN1, but you are too obtuse to absorb them.

Did you do the test then? I am 0% delusional, and I score much higher than average on empathy.

Did you take the test? ARe you brave enough to answer the questions honestly?

I think there is a lot of over-reacting going on in this thread, nevermind from OPs partner!

SGM, I hope they are. This guy is not a nice man, no matter how many smilies he peppers his poison with.

My x, as bad as he was, could present himself as a normal guy more successfully than this SalemN1 character.

The fact that several of us have rumbled this guy so quickly in so few posts convinces me that he is a nasty misogynist, oh, but very polite

"Are you brave enough to answer the questions honestly?"

Seriously COUTL you have the best lines. See no smiley's this time, I'm being serious.

Do YOU think I need to be brave on an internet message board? Where you can click on and off at will?

And you got 0% delusional? Please take the test again!

Thank you very much about being very polite DWITL. I try my best.

Rumbled? I'm being entertained!

salem, are you a man? Not that I care particularly, just curious.

Lessonlearned, you are so right.

Salem, because this is the internet it makes no difference to me personally, but your twisted logic presented as advice to vulnerable women in unhealthy inequal relationships is disturbing. Your take is that they should accept that an inequal relationship is normal and to be helpful, your best tip is to show the partners who are blind to their needs more respect.

How typical that you would consider good common sense and a suggestion that you look inwards to be mere 'lines'.

Maybe you're not a psychopath, but you have NO empathy with women and you are definitely a misogynist, so wtf you are doing here is a mistery.

I thnk Salem1 is one of these men who likes to manipulate his partner and hopes she will lash out, becasue then he can tell the wor5ld what a lunatic she is and protray himself as a longsuffering saint. Salem1: here's a tip for you. If you get off on being hit by women, try the fetish scene. A session in a ball gag and a buttplug, scrubbing your Mistress' floor, would probably do you the world of good.

Do you think he has a partner!? I think is partner left him. She had her head filled with silly notions (from magazines and the internet). She set her expectations to high, and refused to believe that a bit of argy bargy in a relationship is normal. She was argumentative and confrontational at times, not accepting the status quo, unequal, yes technically inequal, but he earned more than her ffs, it was his money afterall!, She was a mother, her life had to change more!!! but no, she just wouldn't accept that would she!? she wanted to go out, meet friends, talk about her career, ffs! She used to challenge him, so there were so many rows. All so unnecessary. If she'd just showed him a bit more respect they'd still be together now. He feels so wronged by her. Women, they chew you up and spit you out. And poor Salem! accused of being a misogynist and a psychopath!!!!! The irony!!

But at least he's deluded resilient. Any comment made about his character rolls off his back. He's a great guy. Why does everybody misunderstand him? Why do people not love him?? It's all such a mystery.

This is interesting on all counts...

If someone is driving themselves mad they have a neurosis. If they are driving other people mad, they have a personality disorder.

With thanks to Albert J.Bernstein. PhD.

Hilariously, Salem1 is actually a woman.

A woman. Yup. So it seems.

A woman who believes this

"Tip 1: Men mostly want respect above everything else.

OP was not showing her DP/DH any respect at all.

He's been patient with your absences so when he missed you it could be argued he got passionate rather than angry."

Wow. I hope you are obsequious and obedient and respectful enough to make your marriage work. That's all it takes.

If salem1 is what you say I'm afraid you are playing directly into his/her hands by hijacking the debate which was interesting and challenging.
FWIW I think the names Salem and (another thread) Crowley suggest the posters are at best posing as devils advocate - at worst they are inciting an aggresive response which can only cheapen your arguement.
I have also been in an abusive relationship but I refuse to allow myself to become bitter or closed to another pov - instead I will state my case or withdraw from the debate if I feel it's not worth my time.

I was wondering if maybe he/she were not of British background. I'm going to stop trying to reason with him/her now, because you wouldn't for example be able to reason with somebody has been brought up under Sharia Law.

Now I do think this has taken a whole different perspective!

I'm not sure that deciding someone isn't British because of you don't like their opinions or because they're trolling is really justifiable......dangerous territory.

why not just ignore?

I think some VERY spiteful things have been posted on here.
Surely the point of these threads is to have debate on topics and people do have differing opinions.
You can choose not to participate......

well, after reading this thread, crowley's either:

immensely proud of generating such an interesting exchange of views.

or

she's gone back to her dp for a bit of peace and quiet.