FAB & GLAM PART 9 - DOES IT GET BETTER NOW!!

[macdoodle]

Started new thread guys as needed to post and old one wouldnt let me - sorry if name is bit miserable but thats how am feeling !

The police have just left
It all went tits up tonight - H found out/suspected about NM and lost it completely - was physically abusive and took my phone - best friend called the police!
Has been a hell of a night - long statement - excellent police man - who says should have called them a long time ago - gonna get the domestic violence team to ring me tomorrow - he will be arrested and probably cautioned - he seems really worried it will escalate - has put a marker on the phone for an immediate response, has adviced me to change the locks and go away for a bit if I can, and they will look at putting an alarm in the house
There is still a part of me that feels I am over reacting/is all my fault - even though an experienced police oficer is not happy about the situation!
What a mess my life has turned into

Thanks ladies

LLush - fab news! Remember to look after yourself x

Brilliant news LL - I was wondering how you got on yesterday.

I've given up smoking Yesterday was my first day on the patches and I'm doing OK so far (thanks for the offer MacD but I'll pass on the gruesome stories for now, although I might need some if I weaken later on!!)
DP is doing it too - he has an inhalator (saw my friend in town yesterday and she asked him why he was sucking on a tampon so he's changed it for a blue one!!!)

Fantastic news LL. So so pleased for you. Am counting the days to the next scan with you!

Ginny that?s great news, good luck. You can do it. More chocolate will help

Lilyloo will have a look for Ernest?s thread now. Has she fallen out with us??

House has completed and the storage company moved everything in yesterday. I love it But am absolutely helpless to lift and move the big heavy boxes which are literally everywhere. I never knew we had so much crap stuff! I need to have a big clear out and empty each box bit by bit but it?s going to be a long, hard (lonely) task I keep going to lift things or move furniture around then have to remind myself that I really can?t and it?s not worth doing anything that may harm the baby or me. But at this rate it won?t even be sorted by the time the lo is born!

I hate living in chaos. Couldn't even find a spoon last night! Thought I could see which number box they were in, but that box was underneath 2 other (really heavy) boxes so poor ds went without his cereal and begrudgingly had toast and I had a little sob at what a rubbish helpless mum I am! Even with the light at the end of the tunnel, this is going to be a hard year.

Dior, Tanee, HW. Macd, hope you?re all ok xx

"Ernest thread"

At least your in Baffy.
Will your family be coming over to help ?
Even if they move all boxes into correct rooms you can then empty them!

LL that is SUCH good news . I hope things continue well. And yes, I guess we each know our limits regarding what we can come to terms with in our men . DP is definitely getting better - we had a pleasant evening watching The Third Man and he is much more his usual lovely self again. He even made dinner, washed up AND cleaned the cooker hob!!! - now there's a first. I think it was his little way of saying sorry for being such a wan**r over the weekend .

Baffy, wish I could be there to help you. My movers advised me to just pour myself a glass of wine (in your case, juice ) and tackle one box in an evening. It will probably be no comfort to you, to know that, after 2 years, our attic is still chock full of boxes though many, many glasses have been poured....and to be honest I'm not sure where we'll put all the stuff, mainly books and records, since the downstairs is pretty stuffed too. Major clearout needed, maybe we should open a bookshop!

Thanks Baffy, Dior, Ginny and Tanee
Baffy - congrats on the new house. New house, new baby IKWYM about chaos and boxes but unfortunately like Tanee a lot of ours are still in the garage or loft and we keep saying we'll sort it but life kinda gets in the way. It must be a bitter sweetness in some ways though (with h not there), though in some ways easier to move - a fresh start.

H said he felt happy about the baby but sad too as he is very aware of the significance of the time of year and my gruesome discovery on Valentines Day. Not much I can say to make him feel better because apart from being happy about the baby, I feel pretty shit too and just want to get V Day and all the hype out of the way.

Ginnny - good luck with the smoking cessation. You will probably eat more so choose wisely. A lot of women resume smoking because they can't bear the weight gain. Personally I'd rather carry extra weight than smoke. Weight gain can be dealt with at a later stage.

Ginny forgot to say good luck too.
Dp did it Oct 2007 with no help after many failed attempts. It is definately mind over matter but very hard!! I have ds to thank for him stopping!

LL we don't really buy into the whole valentines thing anyway tbh! But is really crappy you have a specific day rather than a none day. I can only remember month now!
Can you not do something focusing on future on that day and try and make it a new memory day ? Maybe go and get a cuddly toy or something nice for new baby ? Make it a baby day. Or is that to early yet ?

Baffy - Congratulations on getting into your new pad. I moved house on my own when I was 6 months pg with ds2 and it was a nightmare.
I got my stepdad to put all the boxes in lines against the walls in each room and did a box a day. Once you get going its not so bad!
I'm still not smoking, but have just devoured a whole packet of digestives. I don't even like them much but they were there and I needed to do something with my hands . DP is very moody this evening and doing my head in but I'm trying to stay calm and not kick off because I know that if he cracks I will too.
LLush - How horrible for you that Valentine's day has been tainted. Its the worst day of the year for an anniversary like that. Think positive and think of the lo and as Lily says make a new memory to wipe out the old one. Its good that DH is being so supportive and understanding about how you feel.
I must say that I do think V day is load of rubbish anyway. I love getting cards from the boys but I find it all a bit cheesy and commercialised really.

Yes Lilyloo and Ginnny - we didn't go in for it in a big way either. We'd usually just get a takeaway and a bottle of wine. So it's gone from a non-event to a hugely significant one just because of the day I made the discovery - and the fact that it is so over-hyped etc. Everyone talks about it. It's on tv.......yadah yadah. I can't contemplate doing something nice on that day. I just want it to pass. In fact my mil birthday is around that time and I can't even face going there as I don't want to spoil the festivities with my glumness. I will feel better when the 14th and 15th are over.

Ginnny - well done again. Maybe you could make another bracelet. That'll keep your hands busy

LL, this is really painful for you - so yes, maybe it would be good to try and overlay it by making it a 'Baby Day' and do something nice with the family.

I always hated Valentines Day - it really rubs it in if you're alone or have unpleasant associations. DP and I do try to spend it together, but not buying into the hype with mad expensve nonsense. We will just have a candlelit evening with a bottle of sparkly and smoked salmon, and give each other some small gift. I shall give him a Book of Sauces that I found in a charity shop recently. It has a recipe for a different sauce on every page, accompanied by some really hilarious photos of Edwardian nude beauties doing strange saucy things like tickling each other with large feather fans, taken in the 1900s . That should really get him going !

Ginnny, well done you and DP - lol at the tampon . DP used to smoke and tried giving up several times. He finally stopped about 8 years ago and found it really easy. Now he only smokes professionally - if a part requires it. Trouble is, after he gave up, he started drinking more ...

Tanee - that sauce book sounds very saucy Hope dp enjoys it

As I said, I won't be doing anything nice that day. Maybe it is my way of punishing dh - I don't know. I do know that I will feel a lot better next week when the anniversary is behind us. Half Term next week too and I have a few days off work.

Baffy - congrats on the move. Really pleased for you.

Ginnny - well done on giving up smoking. I think that making another bracelet is an excellent idea to keep your hands busy.

Lush I do know how awful dates are and how they can bring back such horrid unwanted thoughts. I have been thinking about some too and what i need to do to 'overcome' them.

Is there anyway you can make it special for some other reason. It will be hard but maybe make it into a day you will remember for a completely different reason.

Just off the top of my head - how about making yourself do something you would never nnormally do?

You could even treat yourself to something extra nice - dont involve h and make it your day for you. You could even buy yourself something you have always wanted and try and focus on that instead of the negative things the day reminds you of.

This year i am going to organise the night out - although still not done anything about it yet. I want to do something a bit different and not just eat and drink. I am looking for a place where we can go for a long bracing walk first.

At least this year i have babysitter already with BIL (still driving me crazy btw).

HW - yes good idea. I could treat myself to some new clothes. I am bursting out of mine now, so have to get some anyway.

Great idea HW - you should spoil yourself LL and buy some lovely new maternity clothes or how about a pamper day at a health club or something.
Day 4 today and still no fags! Yesterday was hideous but feel much better today. DP still hasn't smoked for 4 days. Tannee I actually think it will make him drink less as he associates drinking and smoking so he has stopped both so Hurray for that!!!

Ginnny, that sounds better & better . Wish mine could at least reduce the drink. He can't resist bargains -came home yesterday with bagfuls of teeny wine bottles because they were 50p each.

Well, I've just discovered that Wales are playing England in the rugby on Saturday, then there's Match of the Day later - so that's my Valentine's Day sorted . At least I'm meeting a GF for lunch, that will probably be more fun. And we had some dreadful news today - DP works sometimes for a family run company who put on shows in schools. They're a lovely bunch and their DD married one of her fellow actors a few years ago. Lovely 'pagan' wedding. Her uncle rang this morning to say her husband just choked and died on Monday. A bronchial spasm - never heard of it. They have a 9 month DD and they were so happy. I can't imagine the agony she must be going through. He was only about 30 . DP is in a slight state of shock - so I expect he will drink even more tonight.

Oh no tanee how awful
Makes you appreciate what you have. And I know I always say it, but life is too short and I really think that. I think it's so important we live every day looking forward and finding the positives. I'm trying my best!

Ginny well done, keep it up.

LL hope you get through the weekend ok. Some great ideas here, definitely treat yourself. And perhaps tell yourself that yes, that day was horrendous in the past. But you can be so grateful that it's over and done with now. You don't have to re-live that pain and those memories ever again. You've been there, learnt from it, picked yourselves up, and have a lovely fresh start on the horizon. Let yourself remember how bad it was, but only for a second, and only to help remind yourself how good things are now Don't let the past ruin the present any longer. You deserve happiness now.

Thanks for all the support and advice everyone. I am getting through it. Slowly. My youngest sister has been an absolute star, don't know where I'd be without her!
My mum and aunty are coming to spend the day there on Saturday. If I can clear as much as I can before then, they're going to give everywhere a good clean So things are looking up.

OW had her baby. Yesterday. Feels really strange. No other way to describe it yet.

Still feels strange for me even now she is 19 months old

Baffy - you're rght, and I too feel we should live for the moment - who knows how long we have. Football and rugby notwithstanding, I am determined that DP and I will have a good weekend. He was so young!Never showed any signs of asthma or allergy and now - - he was a sweet guy - had been adopted, and found his birth mother living in the US just in time for her to attend their wedding. I wonder how she must feel - regaining her lost son only to lose him completely three years later. She'd been forced to give him up for adoption because he was mixed race, the father disappeared and her parents wouldn't accept him and she was too young to cope alone. She eventually married an american and had a new family there and she was so happy when he contacted her. At least they had some time to get to know each other and he met his American relatives on honeymoon.

Baffy, it must feel very strange to know that OW's baby is born. What did she have? I know you were worried if it was a girl - how has H reacted? I do think you and McD are amazing and brave to be able to deal with this.

So do I - it's a terrible thing to have to endure.
Baffy - I do admire you for thinking positively when things are clearly very challenging right now. Thanks for your wise words. Yes, I will feel better when it has passed. I'm kind of in limbo with the pg etc. so will feel a lot more positive when in 2nd trimester. How are you feeling in that respect? Is lo a wriggler?

Tanee - so sad to hear about that poor man choking to death I also felt sad that he was given up for adoption because he was mixed race My son is mixed race and I shot a glance at his cute little face and it made me feel even more sad that someone could give away a child just like him. Poor wife and dc His parents must be terribly sad too.

MacD - how are things for you atm?

Morning all

Tannee how awful makes you take a step back!
Did he like his book ?

LL how was yesterday and is it today too ? Hope you manage to get through it and by tom it will be another obstacle overcome and another year behind you iyswim with a lot to look forward to.

Ginny well done keep it up!

MCD hows things , any easier yet ?

Baffy glad you seem to be getting sorted. Must be really weird ow baby but you need to focus on your and ds/baby future which sounds to be getting more secure. It must be nice to know you are providing a lovely little home for you all.

Things pretty stressful here , thought dp may be made redundant from the bank on Fri. Given i not working now it would be a nghtmare. Luckily he is safe this time round but very worrying!

Hope everyone else ok!

Morning Lilyloo Must have been a very worrying time for you and dh but glad his job is safe at least for now. Yes it is today as well. I found out in two stages iyswim - some stuff on 14th, the worst stuff on the 15th. Actually the anniversary was overshadowed by the terrible shock we both had on Friday night when I discovered my panty liner soaked in blood We spent the night worrying and went for a scan sat morning to find all well with the baby and the bleeding was the sub-chorionic haematoma being expelled. My god, it was such a shock though. I was told to expect some bleeding but I didn't realise it would be quite so much all at once. Honestly, I just wish I could hibernate for the next 2 and a half weeks. Still, at least I am off three days next week as ds is on half-term.

I bought some maternity clothes yesterday Two cardis and two tops. I still need to get some skirts/jeans but as I am tall I have to try them on and I couldn't be bothered yesterday as we went to loads of shops trying to get football boots for ds. I'll have a look next weekend.

Anyway, no more excitement for me I hope. It was weird though, cos when she said the baby's fine I suddenly realised that I had a nice new memory for that date (assuming all goes well) and we got a lovely scan pic too Dh was very emotional. I think he has been feeling rather delicate lately as he has his own bad memories, guilt etc. and this baby means a lot to him.