FAB & GLAM PART 9 - DOES IT GET BETTER NOW!!

[macdoodle]

Started new thread guys as needed to post and old one wouldnt let me - sorry if name is bit miserable but thats how am feeling !

The police have just left
It all went tits up tonight - H found out/suspected about NM and lost it completely - was physically abusive and took my phone - best friend called the police!
Has been a hell of a night - long statement - excellent police man - who says should have called them a long time ago - gonna get the domestic violence team to ring me tomorrow - he will be arrested and probably cautioned - he seems really worried it will escalate - has put a marker on the phone for an immediate response, has adviced me to change the locks and go away for a bit if I can, and they will look at putting an alarm in the house
There is still a part of me that feels I am over reacting/is all my fault - even though an experienced police oficer is not happy about the situation!
What a mess my life has turned into

Ginny, dont feel bad about not wanting to live with a man again. As much as i love DP i would love a little house of my own, no man mess, no man noises from either end, it would be bliss! He would have to date me, and if i fancied a night in front of the tele, in charge of the remote control while stuffing my face with chocolate i could tell him 'no thanks, am washing my hair' it's my idea of heaven! No offence DP

Thank you LL. Doc says i should be all done by October but i think it will be a good few months before i can wear decent shoes. They send you home with a jesus sandal sort of thing. Would rather have a plaster cast myself but they don't do that anymore. Will have to think of ways to jazz up my jesus sandal type thing, not very sexy are they? I thought i could put a roller skate on it then i would still be able to get around ok

My Mum had both feet done at once and they put plaster casts on her feet. She looked like Noddy!!!

Ginnny - I don't blame you for not wanting him to move in. If he can't live with that without running off to the pub, that is his problem.

TFM

LL - I mean that I have been brought up only getting attention from my mother when I was ill, so I guess that H reaffirms the view of mine that one will be ignored if one is well and happy.

Dior - yes, h is reinforcing that powerful connection you made as a child. It is good that you understand the pattern.

Ginnny - good luck. Hope dp will accept your terms. He should do, given that you have been more than flexible with him.

TFM - sorry to hear you have to wear a Jesus sandal but at least you can window shop for some lovely pairs you can buy when your foot has healed

And TFM - psml at "man noises from either end"

TFM - I've just read that article too and oh, how I wish I could go back to my nice single flat!! (Except the garden was too shady for tomatoes . If it had had a second bedroom for DD, I may never have bought into this house with DP and we might still have the romantic 150 miles apart relationship that we once did.

Ginnny, you stick to your guns. I actually prefer sleeping in the spare room now - only, since he recovered from his recent strop, DP currently feels abandoned when I 'disappear' there in the middle of the night (I actually made up an excuse on Friday night and said I went because he'd taken up most of the bed - it was actually because I heard my cat mew - which annoys him as she wakes him up - and thought I'd rather have her company and let him sleep on undisturbed!) I'm sure the feng shui is better in 'my' room and it's not cluttered with all his clothes!

I'm pretty sure that if you tell him this is how it's going to be, he'll sulk and go to the pub, but he WILL be back! He knows he's got a good woman ! Just as mine does (as TFM says, don't let him blame you for his lapses. Mine tried it last week when I left him the car to take some rubbish to the tip - which is close to Sainsbury's - which was doing a ridiculously cheap discount on some wines - so he bought a load of bottles and said it was MY fault leaving him the car! I know he was joking, but I still didn't let him get away with it!

TFM - could you spray your Jesus sandal red, blue and gold and pretend you're Superwoman? - only - it would be no pretence !

Hi all. We had the 'talk' and we've agreed to leave things as they are for ever now! I think he knew he'd blown his argument out of the water by going to the pub - idiot!!
I have had a weekend alone with the boys and tbh I have loved it. They have too I think. Its nice when its just us but I do start to miss him after a few days.
Sometimes I wish I'd never met him. My life used to be so simple - a bit boring but a lot easier
Tannee - oh for a spare room - HEAVEN!!!

Good morning ladies

Well done Ginny! I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns. What strong women we have turned out to be We definitely do deserve the Teabag title. It also goes to show that you don't have to be a doormat, a pushover or a victim so as not to lose the relationship, stand up to them and you have them eating out of your hand - eventually! I can't believe how far we have all come since we first started posting, going from not wanting to lose them to knowing that not only would we be ok not living with them but we would also actually enjoy it

Why thank you for the Jesus sandal suggestion Tanee! I thought I would get a big, thick sock and put it over the top of it so it was hidden but your idea sounds much more fun. I still can't believe I'm actually looking forward to it. MIL has already got the school runs sorted and no doubt she will be doing meals on wheels too so, for the first time in my life I am just going to sit back and enjoy doing nothing! In fact, I am going to milk it dry!

Hi to everyone else, hope your weather is better than mine. It's freezing here, I've put the bunion back in boots!

Hello all

Just a quick catch up as I haven?t had a second lately!

Thank you for the text TFM

Well it looks like it wasn?t a show. Or if it was it?s made no difference! I?m still hanging on and still working! Luckily, my boss has been really understanding and I?ve done lots of work from home with hours to suit myself. I?m still doing the odd day in the office as I actually quite like it here and enjoy keeping busy. I?d go crazy at home as I?m desperate to clean every inch of the house but it?s just impossible with the SPD.
It?s like an internal struggle between the urge to ?nest? and the sensible part of me knowing that I need to rest and do what?s best for ?me? so that (hopefully) once the lo arrives, the SPD will clear as quick as possible.

H keeps telling me to rest and god bless him, he is doing his best. But I find myself sneaking to the bathroom and then casually ?dropping? something so I can get on my hands and knees and clean the floor on the way out! I?ve even bought those anti-bacterial wipes so I can do the floors quickly and inconspicuously before H tells me off!! I'd never make it past him with a mop and bucket!! I?m losing the plot!

Lo seems fine and is not even engaged yet. He?s still turning lots, to the point where I can feel exactly where his arms and legs are, and I?m convinced that despite all of the scares, he will hang on as long as possible. He?s enjoying it too much!

I?m due on the 10th July so 1 month to go! I was 3 weeks early with ds so everyone thinks this one will be the same. That would be nice! But as I said, I?m not holding my breath!!

LL how are you doing?

I will try my best to keep up. I?ll be finishing work by the middle of next week at the latest, so should have much more time then. If he?s not here!

I will text if/when anything happens so someone can update you

p.s. ginny ? definitely the right decision! The thought of a lovely little place with just me and the boys is so appealing! H is great now, and I do love his company. But I totally understand where you are coming from!

Baffy that sounds great - well the fact that you are well. Often the head does not engage as it did first time around - more space this time.
Can you come and live with me for a bit? I need to get the cleaning bug but there is so much stuff to sort out it is impossible to keep on top of it.
When the weather is fine i want to potter outside and when its dull like today i cant get my arse into gear.
With GCSE's its also hard to know what bits of paper i am allowed to 'file' - ds bedroom is a tip but apparently he has it all ordered to do his revision and i have been banned from touching anything - still only a couple more days and then i am going in with the bin bags.
In fact we are having some decorating done whilst away on hols - it is impossible with the dc in the house anyway. So i am haveing to sort out lots of things.

Me! Me! Me Baffy! Text ME!! and I will text you when I finally have my bunion removed

Will do TFM!

HW I'm on my way round!!

Baffy - must be imminent if you've got the cleaning bug Glad all is ok with baby Hope you can take it easy at work. It's good that h is helping you. How are things between you-have you made any decisions?

Ginnny - well done Good for you.

Funnily enough, I never got the cleaning bug before I had ds! Mind you, I think H would have had a heart attack if I had...

Things not good here. I am really low. H had a go at me yesterday, because I just wanted to sleep. He gets really frustrated with me because he wants to be able to help me in a practical way. I slept from 8pm. He did apologise this morning though.

I just can't seem to life myself out of this fug and it is affecting me a lot .

Would talking to your GP help Dior? There may be some kind of alternative help they can offer you. It does sound as though you are in a real depression, especially when you describe the wanting to sleep.

I might be way off Dior but have you thought about having your thyroid checked. A work colleague of mine has recently been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism she had unexplained tiredness, depression and weight problems.
Hope you feel better soon x

Thanks you two. I am avoiding GP at the moment as there is not really anything more he can do for me. I am on the highest dose of Prozac that I can be on without being under a psychiatrist. He told me last time that there was no point in changing my pills because I am on the highest dose of the one that has worked the best so far.

I don't seem to be able to get active enough to do anything. I helped out at school for an hour this morning and it did take my mind off things but, now I am sitting at home 'festering', as h calls it.

I KNOW that I would feel better if I were to see a friend, or go out for a walk. BUT, I can't summon up the energy to do it. I am shutting myself away which only makes me worse, but I don't want to go out.

Sorry, I'm boring myself now, so I dread to think what I am doing to you all.

Don't you worry about us . It will do you good to talk about how you feel, I think you keep a lot in for fear of 'boring us'.

Do you think that your depression might stem from your circumstances at home, the lack of attention and affection etc? Feel free not to answer that if you feel it's too raw or personal for you

I'm pleased you were able to take your mind off things this morning though.

I was just thinking Dior, how would you feel about a course of CBT? www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx I often think I might like it myself

OK, so I have booked an appointment with my doctor as this can be done on the Internet now and doesn't involve me actually getting up to get the telephone

Thanks TFM. I have already have three different types of counselling, including CBT. The best one for me was CAT, which did help a couple of years ago. I have sorted through a lot of my old issues with my mum and we are actually on brilliant terms now.

I really don't know why I am feeling like this. I just know that I am sick of being me. I was to be slim and happy, not necessarily in that order.

I have noticed that I am getting overly snappy lately and that I am being different towards my friends. They are being good about it but my paranoia is making me think things which is not helping.

Well done for making an appointment with the GP Dior

As CBT worked so well for you back then maybe another course of it would work for you now. Reading your post, it's issues you have with yourself now, maybe CBT would help you with that.

I think it would be really good for you to talk, to really spill your guts! Without apologising for yourself or feeling that people won't want to hear you. You are a lovely person Dior and well worth listening to xx

Apologies, I mean as CAT worked well for you before.