FAB & GLAM PART 9 - DOES IT GET BETTER NOW!!

[macdoodle]

Started new thread guys as needed to post and old one wouldnt let me - sorry if name is bit miserable but thats how am feeling !

The police have just left
It all went tits up tonight - H found out/suspected about NM and lost it completely - was physically abusive and took my phone - best friend called the police!
Has been a hell of a night - long statement - excellent police man - who says should have called them a long time ago - gonna get the domestic violence team to ring me tomorrow - he will be arrested and probably cautioned - he seems really worried it will escalate - has put a marker on the phone for an immediate response, has adviced me to change the locks and go away for a bit if I can, and they will look at putting an alarm in the house
There is still a part of me that feels I am over reacting/is all my fault - even though an experienced police oficer is not happy about the situation!
What a mess my life has turned into

Oh and well done on the envelope i guessed ds and dd1 but dd2 was a real surprise

Hi guys! Hope you are all well and enjoying the sun, I am! I'm making the most of it while we have it, we are due for a change tomorrow.

Lily that is great news. I am so glad you feel comfortable with DH being away. You enjoy the space!!

Ladylush, I'm glad you are feeling better about things too. Wobbles are not all bad you know, they are brilliant at bringing us the reassurance we occasionally need I'm pleased all is the well with the baby too. I'm not so pleased that you still haven't opened that envelope!!

Baffy I'm so sorry to read of the troubles you are having. I hope things have settled down for you now and the little one has decided he likes it in there after all and isn't in such a rush to come out

Hi to everyone else!

Lol TFM You are right about the wobbles bringing necessary reassurance How are things with you?

Lilyloo - sorry forgot you had a ds -should have asked how the dc enjoyed France. Interested that you guessed correctly with ds and dd1. I have a feeling this one is a boy but have nothing to go on really.

Baffy - hope all is ok.

You have an envelope LL!! You can go on that if you open it!! One of the mums at school is having a baby and was planning to find out it's sex at the scan on Monday. I have been waiting patiently all these weeks only to be told that the baby had it's legs crossed and nothing could be seen. I have to wait a whole 19 weeks now to find out what she is having!

All is well here, nothing much to report. Apart from I've decided to have the bunion I inherited from my dear dad removed. I've been to see the doc today and he is referring me. I'm quite excited, shows how sad my life is at the moment

Hope everyone else is well and happy.

Lol TFM - walked into that one
Happy bunion removal

Hi everyone, TFM lol at you being excited over removing your bunion! - I hope DP does lots of running around for you whilst you recover - and brings you plenty of chocolate, strawberries and Pringles! (or maybe just the strawberries, since they're the healthy treat option!)

Dior, wow a new camera! Glad H is being good to you though it would be nice if he could respond when you are happy as well! Sounds like he only feels in control and safe enough to offer you affection, when you are down. Anyway, hope you are enjoying the cuddles AND camera. What about that lunch date then? HW?

Things are ok here after a bad spell. DP had a major down episode for a couple of weeks, but is coming out of it - after I practiced my TFM strategies on him. I told him straight that if he was fed up, he should go, and generally did my own thing and kept to myself - the turning point was last week when I took myself and DD to my sister's for a night - he missed me and from then on he started getting better. It does get very wearing though, wondering how long it will last...but I shall enjoy it and like every Teabag, I am getting stronger .

Tanne she has some words of wisdom that TFM

TFM my nan has bunions and wishes she had had them removed a long time ago. I have moved on i think r/e dp. Am only cross today as he didn't phone to say goodnight to dc. Text him to let him know they were upset he didn't. He replied saying he had tough day etc , fair enough but running home and 3 dc's no walk in the park but you shoudl find time to say goodnight But normal relationship stuff is good

LL don't open it , DON'T!! The surprise is lovely! (sorry TFM)

Well done Lily! Next time he is away try not answering the phone when he does ring to say goodnight, give him a taste of what it feels like! I think you had every right to be cross with him, I would have been cross too!

I can't wait to have this bunion taken off. It's horrible and it ruins all my shoes, the nasty thing. And I'm really looking forward to being waited on hand and foot!

Hi to everyone else

Lol at bunion ruining your shoes as opposed to shoes ruining your feet

Lilyloo - I think men can switch off much easier when they are away from home. Dh went away on a lads weekender when ds was about 2 yrs old. He didn't see why I was cross that he hadn't called. Similarly when we've been away for a couple of nights together, it's nearly always been me who makes plans to call ds. I don't blame you for being upset about it though.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend.

That is exactly the problem - men can switch off from home life far too easily. Out of sight out of mind.

I dont think it is all their fault though as society seems to 'accept' that men work long family unfriendly hours.

My h is so much better now and will tell his staff to go home early and tries to create a far more family atmosphere too. His new job allows this too and in fact are very good at it too. There are a lot more functions to meet spouses too which i feel is a good thing.
Life should not be all work - and we all need to find a better balance.

HW here here , they didn't let dp leave until nearly 4 yeasterday hence it was gone 7 when he got home and dc in bed.
Then he has to go into work today
Seems very much wrok work here at the moment!
Anyone got any nice things planned for the weekend ?
Raining here but dd1 has gone to her cousins and ds has got his cousin here so at least they not arguing for a change

Been raining here too, and none of us have been in a mood for anything (DP has been in and out of bed all day and is STILL in his dressing gown) but I have pricked out my lettuces into pots and hunted around the shed for big pots for my tomatoes (BIL gave me more hostages to fortune last week - despite my last attempt at tomatoes being dismal he still hopes to make a vegetable gardener of me). DP is looking forward to all the lettuces! As long as the slugs don't get there first. DD is concerned about the size of my courgette plant - she hates courgettes!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend despite the rain !

Tannee i have just put my peppers and toms in growbags this week with some herbs. We also trying carrots too. They all seem to be growing well time will tell!

oohh tannee we are doing vegies this year - it is ds DofE project a new skill - i said there was no skill in growing vegetables but maybe i was wrong. We have curly carrots and loads of tomato plants and we are doing beetroot, peas and potatoes too, and some strawberries.

I am doing the race for life tomorrow - with both dd's. And then we are having a party after - but the weather is meant to be crap.

And of course we are in the middle of GCSE's which so far seem to be going ok.

Good luck tomorrow HW.

Tanee - yes, I know, it does seem that he can only be affectionate when I am unhappy. At least he is being affectionate though. That is something as I have been really bad for the last couple of weeks.

Hi dior

When you say you have been really bad - do you mean feeling low? It is just that your wording makes it seem as though it is a bad or naughty thing?
You are not always in control of the depression - i hate it when you seem to be punishing yourself when it is out of your control somehow.

Would love to see you today if you wanted to come and join us for the party after - similar to last year just without the sun.

HW - good luck today. Hope the race goes ok. I'm in Surrey and the weather was awful at 6am this morning (terrific thunder storm) but is lovely now so will keep my fingers crossed for nice weather for your party

Impressed with all the veggie growers
Might attempt some tomatoes this year.

Dior - trouble is that h being affectionate when you are depressed kind of reinforces that pattern so in a sense he is rewarding you when you are down and punishing you when you are upbeat and positive. And so it continues.

Bump is steadily growing. 6 months pregnant now. Approx 7 weeks left at work as I am taking a month off to spend with ds in the summer holidays , then start mat leave beginning of September (baby due 16th). Lots of kicks in the evening and baby seems to rest on my bladder a lot at night, so lots of trips to the toilet. Physically though, I am feeling fine. Dh thinks I look more comfortable at this stage than I did with ds. SPD has not started yet, despite some twinges. Reluctant to make assumptions, but it's good to have got to 26 weeks (minus a few days) and not be in pain

MacD - haven't heard from you in ages. How's it going?

Baffy - hope all is ok?

LL - yes, I have thought that too. My mum was the same when I was little.

HW - I meant bad as in really depressed. So how did the race go?

HW - Good luck with the race today, its quite nice here now, sunny but not too hot.
I'm trying my hand at veg this year too. I've planted runner beans carrots and tomatoes and have coriander, rocket and mint too. I'm quite pleased with myself as I've never really bothered before.
Glad you are still feeling good LL.
I've had a big fall out with DP. He wants to move in, I don't want him to. We are getting on well and he's a lot better but I like my independence and I still can't run the risk of him drinking here in front of the dc. So it all blew up on THursday night. He says I'm being stubborn and unreasonable and he doesn't want a part time relationship any more, but that's all I can give him so we are in stalemate.
Since then he has been in the pub Friday, yesterday and today so I'm just thinking I was right to stick to my guns
I've left the ball in his court now. I've been honest and if its not enough for him he'll have to call it a day. He's bought it all on himself though, he seems to think that everything that happened last year should just be forgotten, which it is mostly, but I can't quite trust him enough to live with him again.

Sorry that was a bit me, me, me!
Hope Baffy is OK - was that a show the other day??
TFM - my Mum had her bunions removed 20 years ago and they are coming back now and she's got hammer toe too!! The doctor told her off for wearing heels!!
MacD - I hope you aren't on here because you are having far too much fun with your lovely NM to talk to us teabags

Dior - do you mean your mum was the same with you as h is now? Or that your mum was "rewarded" for being down and punished for being upbeat?

Ginnny - you weren't being "me me me" at all. I think you are right wrt your decision not to have dp live there. If he wanted to prove you wrong he'd have stayed away from the pub since - but no, off he went! That's probably what he'd do everytime you had a disagreement. Not as if he needs an excuse.....but if one comes along I'm sure he'll milk it (or beer it ).

Well done for sticking to your guns Ginny, you have most definitely done the right thing so don't doubt yourself and don't back down. He is probably feeling sorry for himself now so leave him to it. Don't try to 'fix' things, show him you need business. Anyway, it isn't a part time relationship, it's a 'Living Apart Together' relationship! www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/loving-together-amp-living-apart-466281.html

So, if my bunion is going to grow back then I have a good 20 years of gorgeous sandals and lovely shoes! I can't wait!! I don't fancy the hammer toes though!

Hi to everyone else. Hope you are all having a good weekend. It's a quiet one here, the rain has put paid to any outings or gardening! I'm very jealous of all the veg growing this year, I've stuck to plants after such a bad crop last year. We are having a conservatory built at the moment so I'm planning on what I can grow in it without DP realising there not house plants

Well Done on the race HW! I'm proud of you! I hope it went well.

Dior I just want to say that LL is on the right track with your H. My guess is he feels more secure when you are feeling low and that in turn makes him feel closer to you IYSWIM.

Baffy, I hope all is well with you and lo??

Oh and by the way Ginny, be prepared that DP may put the blame onto you for his return to drink but make sure you pass it right back, point out we all have a choice in life and his choice is to drink. Have you got that?

TFM - too true. He will grab the chance of an excuse with both hands. Happy shoe wearing to you

TFM - I love that article. I'm going to print it out and give it to him tomorrow. Thing is, its not just him. I can't ever see myself wanting to live with a man again (although its nice to have one around sometimes ). They are too much like hard work - more so than the dc!! I love living on my own with the boys. Its great.
You are so right I've already heard that I made him go to the pub . I set him straight, don't worry!! That doesn't work with me anymore.
LL you are right, if we lived together I'd be walking on eggshells scared to upset him in case he used it as an excuse.
He's coming round tomorrow and I'm just going to say its this or nothing, and if he wants nothing then I'll have to live with it and let him go.