FAB & GLAM PART 9 - DOES IT GET BETTER NOW!!

[macdoodle]

Started new thread guys as needed to post and old one wouldnt let me - sorry if name is bit miserable but thats how am feeling !

The police have just left
It all went tits up tonight - H found out/suspected about NM and lost it completely - was physically abusive and took my phone - best friend called the police!
Has been a hell of a night - long statement - excellent police man - who says should have called them a long time ago - gonna get the domestic violence team to ring me tomorrow - he will be arrested and probably cautioned - he seems really worried it will escalate - has put a marker on the phone for an immediate response, has adviced me to change the locks and go away for a bit if I can, and they will look at putting an alarm in the house
There is still a part of me that feels I am over reacting/is all my fault - even though an experienced police oficer is not happy about the situation!
What a mess my life has turned into

Dior, you would NOT be a burden - seriously, you would be most welcome, with or without DS!

Glad you had a good day yesterday Dior. Will you ever meet his high expectations? Do you even want to? Why should you even try to sit with him, when he is so cold towards you.
Poor barber .
Tannee - I think we have the same DP at times They get down, drink too much, become horrible and obnoxious, sleep it off, feel guilty (don't always remember why!) and then go all nice again to make up for it.
After boozing for most of last week and spending all day Friday in bed, my DP has been PERFECT all weekend. He has reminded me of why I love him so much. He even took the dc down early to make me breakfast in bed while I had a huge lie in on Sunday morning. If he was always like this I'd never complain again. He did say Thank you for being there through the hell of the last few weeks and apologised for being so 'difficult'.
Anyway, back to the cleaning - I just found a mouldy carrot in the bottom of the fridge, it stinks!!!

TFM you do make me laugh

LL she?s telling the truth you know. Cervix does take as long to open as the envelope!!

LL in defence of your boss, I think it may be a confidence thing, but also I do sometimes see the benefits of e-mails like that. Of course it is preferable to address matters of conduct individually, but at this stage, when finding his feet, he may not want to be so confrontational.
He may be hoping that a general email (where people know full well that it?s them doing it) will be enough to address the issue. Then if not, he then has recourse if he does have to speak to them individually, as he can refer to his email of xx date, and explain that since that date, he has noticed xyz etc. It makes the issue his to tackle iyswim.

I understand the frustration on your side. But playing devils advocate, it was a technique I was taught when I took on this team (15 people who are by far the worst people that I have ever managed) and it saved me wading in too soon/incorrectly during the early days. Sometimes it?s easier to keep things general until you know exactly who you?re dealing with

TFM it?s great news about dp and ds. Their relationship sounds like it has come a long way in the last 12 months. Fantastic news. And nope, no idea where your ds gets his determination from

Dior ? I am going to re-post TFM?s words:

?There is nothing worse than living with a man, loving a man who you feel finds you unattractive. It's soul destroying. And here you are living with a man who tells you openly how your excess weight makes him feel. It's disgusting!! He should be totally ashamed of himself.?

And then some words of yours:

?I do agree that there would be something else if it were not for my weight. I remember him not wanting me when I WAS slim.?

So you know yourself that weight is not the issue here. You don?t need to listen to us, you already know that if it wasn?t the weight it would be something else ? i.e. it is him with the problem. He doesn?t see you, or treat you, in the way you need.
That seems to me, what it boils down to. You sound like you are working so hard to gain the love and affection of a man who previously, has shown that nothing you do, is good enough

Ginny ? great news that your ?d?p is back

TFM I?m not sure H is anywhere near earning his ?d? back yet
But I will enjoy it all in the meantime.

Tanee I?m so glad TFM?s advice is helping. I wouldn?t know where to start with the things your dp says. Depression is so so awful

Quick update from me too ? midwife was great on Friday. Said I?m not making anything ?worse? by continuing to work ? which was my main concern, so big relief there.
She said the key is that I don?t do anything I?m not supposed to (any sort of lifting, carrying ds, careful on stairs and getting out of car etc) and rest as much as possible so that the pain stays manageable. So if I want to continue to work they are happy for me to do that as long as I get a balance between work and resting. They said I will know myself once the pain gets too much that it?s time to call it a day.

So, I spoke to my boss this morning and he has agreed that I can manage my hours to suit myself (i.e. early finishes if the pain is bad etc) and do 1 or 2 days a week from home (in which I will get the work done in whatever hours I choose, but use the time as much as possible to rest) so I feel much much much better for that

Oh that is good news re the work situation Baffy. Sometimes it just does take having a quiet word to sort these things out!

Hope you are ok x

I'm glad I make you laugh Baffy, it's good for the SPD It takes your mind off it. It's a shame you don't have an envelope to open, I bet you wouldn't be as stubborn hard to crack as LL!

That's good news too about your job. I hope you are going to take full advantage, not in a 'taking advantage' kind of way you understand, in a not still putting the Company first kind of way IYSWIM?

I was thinking, you know those maternity belts you can get, those elastic things, would one of those help you? It would take the weight of the baby a bit if nothing else. Just a thought I'm not really up on SPD but I know it can be very painful.

TFM - Oi

Baffy - Great news about your chat with the boss. Hope that takes a lot of pressure off you. In your shoes I would (and will - if I get it again) see an obstetrician - one that has expertise in pregnancy related conditions. I've heard they can make a huge difference. NHS physio was crap ime. Thanks for your opinion on my work situation. It's useful to get feedback from someone else who is a manager. I can see your POV. I suppose I just disagree with this form of management because it is indirect, impersonal and rather tactless. I work in a team where imo very few people take the piss. Tbh there are few of us in the team anyway. Many of us take on more than we should and are way more flexible than the organisation deserves - eg. not taking lunch breaks (which are unpaid), staying late, covering for duty even when it's not our turn etc, going in at weekends and not claiming time back etc. We don't expect a pat on the back, but to get an email like that is a huge insult. Maybe it would've been better if he had sent the email and said something at the end like "I'd hate this to detract from the otherwise great work we do" for e.g. I think private sector companies are run differently and performance related stuff is dealt with in this kind of way. In my line of work, it is generally dealt with differently. For a start there are no bonuses, no pay rises (well unless you count the basic 1-2% increase which for years has not even caught up with inflation), no financial incentives to keep people meeting targets. Targets are met by motivated staff who enjoy their work and feel that they are making a difference. A manager working on the assumption that all employees are likely to take the piss, will imo not get the best out of the team. Recruitment and retention are a huge problem in my field and if people are unhappy they will leave. Sorry very long post

totally agree with you Lush - i too work in a field where lunch breaks are not taken and i would cover for others and i think morale and loyalty needs to be recognised a lot more than measuring 'performance' whatever that is.

baffy - I meant osteopath not obstetrician. I am losing it

HW - the thing is I don't actually mind performance being measured. I'm all for that because I actually work hard and performance measuring might reflect that . What I have a problem with is management lumping everyone together and treating us all as if we are out to scam the system. I don't know if you have heard of KSF - it's a performance measurment for clinical staff. It came into effect about 4 years ago. In my work areas it's never been used. Maybe they should be pulling their finger out and applying this.

TFM you're spot on - I have one of those support belts and it does help to hold the lo up and take some pressure off the pelvis. Not the most sexy or comfortable of things to wear! But whoever said pregnancy was sexy or comfortable!

LL how would I even go about finding a good osteopath? Definitely sounds like something I should do, thanks xx

Hi Baffy, I was going to add that they are a bit of a passion killer but thought I would leave that bit out, I didn't want to put you off

Have you got a chiropodist? I found out, just after dd was born that you are entitled to free chiropody too while pregnant, so if there was ever a time to get those corns, callouses and hard skin sorted out now is it!

I hope you are feeling a bit more comfortable today. Have you started working from home yet? Make sure you do!!!

Ooh I didn't know that TFM - does one need to be referred to Chiropodist or can one just book themselves an appt?

Baffy - google osteopaths in your area. That's what I did and a website with a list of local practitioners came up.

I think your GP or your midwife refers you LL although I'm not sure cos I missed out Having said that I don't like my feet messing with anyway so probably wouldn't have taken gone for it. Have a word with your midwife and ask her to get you referred, get some pampering while you can!

"taken gone for it"?? Mmm I think I need chocolate today!

oh i love having my feet touched - reflexology and all that.

My mum is diabetic and the one plus side i would love is the free chiropody.

I didnt know you could get it whilst pregnant though - missed out there didnt I.

Four times HW!! We missed out 4 times!! I would have tried to exchange it for a free hairdo! No one sees your feet, I couldn't even see my own feet!

i know TFM i even came over all broody just at the thought of free footcare - am i really too old for another?

Well i,m not quite 66 yet.

But then of course that would mean having to have the s word - and with my libido at rock bottom even using the word is difficult.

No definitely not too old, but if I were you I would wait until you are 66 then you can draw your pension at the same time as your child benefit, twill be quite a handsome sum!

As for your libido, you know what they say, use it or lose it! Have you tried using it lately or have you just let it leave How about giving some supplements a try? Tell you what, Agnus Cactus is proving great for the big 'O', makes it very intense. It's been brilliant for me, regulating my cycle and stabilizing my moods. I was going through a bit of a miserable time with constant periods and PMT but I'm back to normal now. Anyway, I digress, there are other supplements that are specifically for libido if you fancy trying to resurrect it. But, having said all of that, maybe the fault (for want of a better word) is not a physical one, after all you have been through and after the very dignified way you have handled things it wouldn't surprise me is there was a bit of psychology involved somewhere. You could always conduct a test

you have mentioned that suppliment before and i do think i may well give it a try. I too have wondered if there is some phycological reasons - but also with the health scare it could have been that.

I have been given the all clear for now and i actually do feel a bit better. Now with that excuse gone i can prehaps start to work on what the problem is.

It could just be a bit of a dip and so we are both trying not to get too hung up on it at the moment.

TFM - think I'll defo come to you for advice on supplements if in need Agnus has done wonders for you - lucky lady

HW - do you ever wonder if spending time on the relationship threads means that the infidelity is always on your mind and makes it hard to move on? I think I tend to feel more negative if I read/post on an affair thread. I've been reading a few lately and have started to feel very negative - especially when the betrayed women express the same sentiments I had. Obviously being pregnant has made me extra sensitive - which doesn't help. Last night I was awake from 1-6am. I sent dh an email saying I don't trust him etc. and asking him if he is up to anything. I felt terrible later when I received his reply. He was so good about it, really reassuring me. I guess being pregnant gives me some indemnity Anyway, I feel better for getting it off my mind. We are both on annual leave next week so looking forward to spending some time together.
Hope everyone has a good weekend

Hi all!

H took the hint on Tuesday night and was slightly affectionate towards me, which was nice. BUT, nothing since then. And, I feel quite happy until he walks through the door of an evening, bringing his doom-laden attitude with him. Everything is wrong, I've left the car out, the lounge is untidy etc etc. GAH!

Dior - that sentence says it all............"I feel quite happy until he walks through the door....."

yes ladylush, you should, im a mind of information when it comes to supplements. Im a firm believer in them. Im studying 'special' supplements now for Diors H

He keeps making refs to my weight as a 'joke' too. I am Not Talking To Him at the moment because of one this lunch time.

Tell him that at least you can do something about your weight if you choose to but it seems he is stuck with his twattish attitude. You need to give this bloke what for Dior. You need to give him a shock!