Dior, glad to hear you had some good shared time with H - even if it was cleaning ! I think that's what my DP lacks - the incentive to do anything shared in this house. We started on DD's room together - then he had an episode and walked out without warning. He never gave me a reason for why he couldn't continue, but I reckon it was something to do with creating something for DD - that was in the early days of our troubles. We managed to complete most of our own bedroom together, and he did a lovely job on the picture rails, but it's not completed as we still have a bookshelf to install and our fourposter to erect - and I have lost the heart to suggest we do them, so they languish in the attic.
Yes, it was very hard to hear him admit to his drinking and desire for oblivion. And his determined refusal to seek any help. I realised the next morning that he'd already had a lot before the conversation started. I suspect he regrets some of what he said - and probably doesn't even remember all he said - because all yesterday he was doing little things to please me, which he hasn't done in a long time - just things like making me coffee and pasta, making salad and dips for dinner, and he was quite sweet again this morning, suggesting that as DD's away for a couple of days and we've both had a rough night (slept badly and both had anxiety dreams)- we should try to have a nice evening together.
The thing is, he does these things when he's sober. He's lovely then. The shite comes out when he's drunk . I try to hold on to the sober DP in my mind and remember that it's the depression talking when he's drunk.
TFM, you are a tower of strength, and you are really getting me through. I don't know what I would have done without you. Either gone to pieces and gotten depressed myself by now, or thrown him out and been miserable anyway. As it is, I feel more positive today - helped by you and the signs of the real DP I've seen which prove that he's still in there somewhere and worth fighting for.
Dior, you are welcome here anytime. The spare room is very cosy, nice big double bed, and DS would be welcome - we could take him to see the dinosaurs or whatever he fancies - or if you leave him with DH, we could just go visit bead shops . Alternatively I would love to visit you - but perhaps that would have to be when DD is also away as she'd not enjoy being left in the house with DP! In the meantime, we should do that lunch with HW.
Oh, and I have to share this with all of you - last night DP asked if I'd get out the dips whilst he watched the cricket. So I opened some taramasalata and left it on the kitchen table while I sorted out the rest. I heard a lapping noise and turned round to find one of the cats - the one DP feels a real rivalry with, she loves me so much and mews for me every morning - on the table and giving the tarama a good licking. I scraped off a bit of it - but then left it for DP to have the first helping . Am I evil or am I EVIL? No signs of ill effects so far !