FAB & GLAM PART 9 - DOES IT GET BETTER NOW!!

[macdoodle]

Started new thread guys as needed to post and old one wouldnt let me - sorry if name is bit miserable but thats how am feeling !

The police have just left
It all went tits up tonight - H found out/suspected about NM and lost it completely - was physically abusive and took my phone - best friend called the police!
Has been a hell of a night - long statement - excellent police man - who says should have called them a long time ago - gonna get the domestic violence team to ring me tomorrow - he will be arrested and probably cautioned - he seems really worried it will escalate - has put a marker on the phone for an immediate response, has adviced me to change the locks and go away for a bit if I can, and they will look at putting an alarm in the house
There is still a part of me that feels I am over reacting/is all my fault - even though an experienced police oficer is not happy about the situation!
What a mess my life has turned into

And agin last night. I went out for a moan about men drink with my friend last night and, when I got in, he wanted to talk about my evening!

Weird.

Just a very quick one to say hi and I will catch up soon.

All fine, am 30 weeks now and mahooosive! Just working daft hours and sleeping whenever possible!

Tannee - well done you!

Ginny, really sorry to hear that, hope dp is ok

Dior - very strange. Who knows what goes on in his mind? Could he be worried that he's actually coming close to losing you again?

Hey Baffy - Glad to hear you are doing well. I bet you look fantastic, even if you are mahooosive
Dior - I was going to say the same thing as Baffy. He probably is thinking back to when you nearly left him and is trying to make more effort. It should be consistent though shouldn't it, not just when he is panicked. Does he read your posts on here still?

Ginnny, so sorry to hear about DP's mum. Hope he's reasonably ok.

Dior, it may well be that he's remembered how close he came to losing you last year, and that's provoked an improvement. I must say that my explosion at DP has worked a dream, so maybe that's what we all need to do - stop showing them we need them, and show 'em we can do b**y well without them (to quote Liza Doolittle)!

Yeah maybe...

Ginnny - he never actually read my posts, just threatened to. I did wonder if he was reading them now though!

Lovely to 'see' you Baffy. 30 weeks already!

Baffy - good to hear from you. Glad all ok with you Make the most of the sleep as we all know you won't see much of that once lo is here.

Hi all - hope the weekends were good for you all.

H and I were talking yesterday and WW came up. He asked if I missed being a Leader. When I said yes, he said that he would not make a fuss if I did the job again, as long as I get to goal...

I said that I didn't believe him because I remember how horrible he made my life last time I did the job. He swore that he would be different this time - shows how desperate he is for me to lose the weight hey!

I have been feeling very low lately, especially today. I have had a nasty headache lingering since Friday too - nothing makes it go away permanently. H has tried to be nice though - no affection, but it is not like it was last week. We have actually had some conversations.

Hi Dior, I am holding up my hands in despair at your H - but if he's serious - and aware that you may NOT get to goal - and if you want to do it again, then go for it. The only thing that worries me is that he's making conditions - getting to goal. That would bother me. What if you don't? Is he suggesting a time scale? Glad he is at least making some effort to meet you halfway. I wouldn't be surprised if your headache was due to stress - but if it lingers on, do see your GP.

My weekend was quite pleasant, not much thanks to DP who's not been very cheerful, but it turned out it wasn't so much to do with me and DD, but that his back trouble has returned and he's in some considerable pain, which he's been aneasthetising with wine, as usual... He went off to watch a cricket match locally, but came home very grumpy saying it had been a poor match, and watched snooker all weekend (big yawn). So I have pretty much left him to his own devices. Yesterday I took myself off to the Van Dyck exhibition and spent a long time gazing at a portrait of Lucius Cary, Viscount Falkland, whom I've been half in love with since I first saw him 30+ years ago at a previous exhibition when I was about 14. Unfortunately he died in 1643. I told DP that I'd met an old flame who gazed at me and asked, 'where have you been since 1972' - and I said, 'growing up and growing old - I am now older than you'. DP said I was bonkers and thawed out a bit. Yep, so I'm a necrophiliac . At least it made him laugh and we had quite a pleasant evening (luckily the snooker finished early, too!)

Dior and HW - do you think we should arrange that lunch soon? It would do us good.

Well, I did say to him that he couldn't stop me being a leader because I would be doing it in the day time anyway! I mentioned this to my WW Leader this morning and she said, 'And you were a bloody good leader', which made my day.

I was feeling REALLY down today, but my friend (who comes to the WW meeting with me) sgreed to walk into town with me (3 miles). We did that and then had lunch together. Then we drifted round town and walked home again, so 6 miles or so today...I am shattered!

Glad things are not too bad with dp at the moment Tanee x

Ah, but think how good walking is for you - and exercise is a good mood enhancer. I think you must have been a fabulous leader - and if you do go back to it, do it because YOU want to and not because H has 'given you permission' !

Well, I'm off home now to see if DP has managed to stagger home in one piece with his bad back. It's been a great excuse for him to lie around all weekend watching snooker and listening to music - whilst I mowed the lawn, pruned the shrubs, did the cooking, vacuuming, put the rubbish out... etc etc etc...

Now, Lucius Cary wouldn't have left me to do all that on my own !

Tanee - lol at necrophilia

Dior - agree with Tanee in that you should do it if you want to and not because h is permitting you to. I really want to strangle your dh. I could blame pregnancy hormones

By the way, I am joking (just in case anyone from the NMC is reading this and tries to get me struck off the register)

Dior I could strangle him to. WTF does it matter if you reach goal? If it will make you happy and you are obviously very good at it you should just bloody well do it and sod him! (I'm feeling very rebellious atm - can you tell!!)
Tannee - you are bonkers, but lovely with it
I had a good weekend considering. DP and I had the day to ourselves on Saturday so we had a lovely long walk around the old part of the town in the sunshine. Then on Sunday we took the dc to Hastings for the day to get away from everyone, but ended up bumping into loads of people we knew anyway!! I feel for him so much, he's full of grief and doesn't know what to do with himself. He went on a bender Monday and Tuesday, which although I was pissed off about I understood and didn't give him a hard time. He's back to normal today and trying to get back into work again till the funeral next Wednesday.
I hope everyone else is doing OK and enjoying the sunshine.

To be fair to him Ginnny, he is really trying to understand me. He watched that 'Fix My Fat Head' programme last night, in an attempt to get into my head and thinking. Unfortunately, even I was amazed by her thinking, so it didn't help at all!

I watched the programme about Claire from Steps on BBC3 last night. Her DH was so lovely - he said he loved her fat or thin and just wanted her to be happy. Maybe he should have watched that instead

lol ginnny

Dior - it's a good sign that you defend him. Shows you love him This is what counsellors pointed out to me when dh and I went through that terrible time last year.

Yes, I guess I DO love the 'good' side of him. Part of him is a wonderful man. It is just unfortunate that there is the other side that is so prominent too.

I think they all have 2 sides don't they.
I've never met a perfect one yet!!
Someone once told me that you have to weigh up the good and the bad in a relationship, if the good outweighs the bad then its worth it.

Yes, well, I am still wondering if the weight issue is still the biggest part of him, so we'll see.

Dior - lets have that meet up. I do worry that the weight is just a focus for you both to pick on. But i may be way off there.

Went out with h last night and we ended up arguing again.

I still have a lot of anger inside and it makes me impatient with lots of other areas of my life iyswim. Not really angry at h but i seem to be less easy going - and i dont really like that part of me anymore.
He is really really trying - and i do love him (well the good bits - just like dior does ) with her h).

I know i need to do some work on me - but actually i am mostly enjoying my life and just want to get on with it, and have little time to go to counselling etc.

Anyway rant over.

Hi everyone - hope you are all well.

HW - more me time....more me time.......more me time......that's what you need. You enjoy it when you actually do it

Dior - quite ironic at the weight issue being the biggest problem with h

Ginnny - you are right. They all have good an bad. It's a weighing up process - pardon the pun

Speaking of weight...........my stomach is getting very large. I'm all bump. Think it must be another boy, but that's cool

Baffy - how are you?

MacD - ditto

Good Morning Everyone

I thought it was time I showed my face and said 'Hello'. I'm sorry for just disappearing on you but I needed time out to concentrate on real life. I'm pleased to report that it paid off and everything is going swimmingly here. No drama's just normal everyday life, and it's fab!!

Ginny, yep, think you are right, they all do have two sides BUT, so do we I think, especially at 'that' time of the month!!

HW I think you have done amazingly well considering. You never give up, you are constantly working to keep things together and that is great. I think you have the most difficult role in your relationship, you are the one who is left with more of the aftermath from the affair, you are the one who has to constantly live with and try to fight or understand all the feelings, emotions and changes that the affair brought out in you. I wonder if it is that you have lost some (or even all) respect for H now, you love him but you find it hard to respect him. Just a thought . Anyway, I don't think you should be so hard on yourself, maybe being less easy going is good. You are less likely to get walked all over if you are less tolerant!

Hi Dior Maybe your H should be trying to understand why he has such a problem with your weight, rather than trying to understand why you have a weight problem. Maybe he should switch the focus to himself

LL You sound so happy, and blooming!! I'm really pleased that this baby stuck around. A nice fresh start for you. Yes, a fresh start of dirty nappies, sleepless night and piles!!

Hi to everyone else too

TFM good to hear from you and very pleased that all is going well in RL

I completely agree with the comment you made to Dior.

Lol at fresh start of sleepless nights, dirty nappies and piles. Joy I actually am dreading the sleepless nights as ds was a dreadful sleeper until 3 yrs of age. It was hell. He is an angel now though and sleeps beautifully. Just hope it doesn't take that long for this lo. However, all things considered, of course I am very happy that we will have another dc and ds will be a big brother - which is the best gift we could ever give him (though he may not think so in the future when he is fighting with his db/ds)

He says that he just can't find me attractive when I am overweight. He prefers slim figures. Fat people are fat because they care greedy. Simple!

When did he say that Dior? You are not fat anyway. He seems shockingly ignorant about weight issues - and very shallow.