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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

FAB & GLAM PART 9 - DOES IT GET BETTER NOW!!

1000 replies

macdoodle · 22/01/2009 01:24

Started new thread guys as needed to post and old one wouldnt let me - sorry if name is bit miserable but thats how am feeling !

The police have just left
It all went tits up tonight - H found out/suspected about NM and lost it completely - was physically abusive and took my phone - best friend called the police!
Has been a hell of a night - long statement - excellent police man - who says should have called them a long time ago - gonna get the domestic violence team to ring me tomorrow - he will be arrested and probably cautioned - he seems really worried it will escalate - has put a marker on the phone for an immediate response, has adviced me to change the locks and go away for a bit if I can, and they will look at putting an alarm in the house
There is still a part of me that feels I am over reacting/is all my fault - even though an experienced police oficer is not happy about the situation!
What a mess my life has turned into

OP posts:
Baffy · 30/03/2009 11:53

Will try to get on FB later!

Tanee58 · 30/03/2009 20:05

ok girls, this is my last post before Seville - hope to see some of you for pizza and wine Tuesday after Easter - I'll check FB when I get back to see what time you arrange - the restaurant can be booked online and I get 10% discount off the whole bill I think - if I remember to take my card, so it'll be a little bit cheaper for us all.

ginnny · 03/04/2009 11:36

BUMP!!
Where is everybody - did you all follow Tannee to Seville???

HappyWoman · 03/04/2009 22:12

still here
bit crap here actually
hopefully will tell all soon?

Tanee58 · 04/04/2009 00:43

bump - if you are all here, make yourselves known! I´ve just got back from the Alhambra and wondered where everyone´s gone as I couldn´t find the thread (spanish keyboard doesn´t help)

Seville and Granada are lovely and suit DP - he´s more relaxed here than I´ve seen him in many months. I am quite smitten with Spain myself! I can barely speak spanish but people have been very kind, especially DP´s friends. And it´s warm but not too hot. Have taken 10000s of photos! And seen some REAL flamenco - not tourist stuff, very full of duende. So much that DP had to go for a walk to work it out of his system `

Hope to see some of you on Tuesday next - now we ARE meeting, aren´t we?¿

Dior · 04/04/2009 00:47

What's up HW? I'm worried about you...

Original poster
macdoodle · 04/04/2009 07:36

I'm here sorry busy and the usual with the STBX
HW are you ok whats up??? you can tell us anything you know that xx
I am on for next Tues eve I hope just need to sort sis out for babysitting duties
Anyone joining me for a kiddie day at some stage - am planning Knebworth, Woburn Safari, and prob Science or Natural History or maybe Aquarium in London - my mobile is on FB

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 06/04/2009 09:03

finally our life seems to calm down, and it feels just like it did 3 years ago to me. And that is not the life i want anymore .

There is nothing wrong as such - and most of the time i am happy - but i just cant seem to feel the 'highs' at the moment.

I am waiting for the results of the latest test and them i am going to see the GP again. I still think it is the menopause looming - and i just dont want it.

School hols again to keep me busy though.

Dior · 06/04/2009 10:29

HW - I'm not on here much lately, but you know where I am. Could we have a meet somewhere that the two littlies could run off and play? We could hoover down coffee and cake...

HappyWoman · 06/04/2009 10:53

That would be lovely Dior, i have to work a couple of days this week and next but email me and we can arrange something.

ginnny · 07/04/2009 12:38

HW its so understandable you feeling like this.
For ages everything has hung on DH getting the new job and moving on and starting afresh, which he has of course, but you are left feeling the same as before.
I hope DH is being supportive and understanding. Good luck at the GP's.
I will try my hardest to come along next Tuesday but have been out on my own quite a lot lately (I seem to be getting a life at last!) and money is quite tight.
I am creeping round DP hoping he'll babysit but may have to resort to sexual favours !!!!
Hope everyone is OK and enjoying the lovely weather.

HappyWoman · 07/04/2009 13:03

Thanks ginnny
He is being supportive - but of course he cant quite understand why i am feeling like this (neither do i actually).
He feels he has jumped through all the required hoops and yet it still wont go away.
We will be ok though i am sure - just need to keep talking and off-loading here.

ginnny · 07/04/2009 20:28

Offload all you like HW - that's what we are all here for

ladylush · 07/04/2009 21:53

HW - sorry you are feeling so low at the moment I've been battling some negative thoughts myself (toward dh)but trying to ignore them because in my case I think it's hormonal.

I'm off work for a couple of weeks now. Ds is full of excitement and wants to go somewhere every day so I guess it will be tiring and expensive

Hope the meet-up goes well next Tuesday.

How are you Baffy?

HappyWoman · 08/04/2009 07:30

lush i am pretty sure mine are hormonal too.
I am aurprised i am still having these negative thoughts after all this time - if i knew it would be this hard i am not sure i would have put all this effort in.

I feel so worn down by it all, just want to feel normal again (whatever that is).

Spoke to my friend whos h left her for ow and even though she is with nm she still finds the trust thing hard - so maybe it is something i will have to live with too.

Its taking me time to adjust to the new me, and i suppose i just dont like some of me.

ladylush · 08/04/2009 12:53

It is hard not to feel resentful at times but hey, we are not martyrs afterall - but mere humans with feelings.

Tanee58 · 08/04/2009 16:43

Hi - still here in sunshine would you believe they are all upstairs watching Bill Bailey - he´s very popular.

HW sorry you are feeling low but I can see how negative feelings can recur. I have had a few even here in Spain, like a few days ago in Seville when DP pointed to a really pretty pension and mentioned that he´d stayed there with an ex who comes from Barcelona. Though I have loved it here, I cannot forget that at many times he considered settling in Spain and would possibly have had a relationship with her. He was playing us both at the time he and I got together, and I knew nothing of it at the time - I just thought she was one of his old friends & she and I got on well when we met about 20 years ago, but didn´t know that they had a sexual relationship as well. That was a shock to me, and my only comfort was that he chose to be with me. But sometimes when things are bad, I wonder if he would have preferred her and the sunshine to me and gloomy London. Well, he made his choice and we must make the best of it.

Anyway, we come back to England tomorrow, and I´m looking forward to meeting up with some of you on Tuesday!

iSOLOvechocolate · 10/04/2009 02:57

Tanee, I've been looking for you! How are you doig? hope to catch you soon.

solo.

HappyWoman · 10/04/2009 07:43

Thanks Tanee
I am sure i am not the only one to have such feelings - they do seem pretty normal.

I guess my problem at the moment is not allowing all our problems stem back to the affair. H seems to think it is all that - but i dont and so we end up arguing about that too .

Hopefully will get to see gp and tackle the hormone problem and see if that helps.

Hope eveyone has a lovely weekend.

MCD - i did send you an email - but now i am panicing that i sent it to the wrong person.

Original poster
macdoodle · 10/04/2009 09:35

No email HW ooops ?? Will send you one to check address x

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 10/04/2009 17:33

Have just sent it onto you again - on new address - yes opps - hope it is not some random person i have sent it to - they will know i am a complete loon by now!!
I am hoping it is your 'old' address.

Tanee58 · 10/04/2009 18:59

Solo - HI!!! Great to see you on here. I'm ok, just got back from a wonderful week in Seville, Cordoba and Granada - saw all the sights and am completely Semana Santa'd out. The Alhambra and the Mesquite are now on my list of my favourite places on earth. Only hiccup was the last night, when I got very, very drunk and - I think - caused a scene in front of DP and his spanish friends (at least, I think, as I can't remember all of it!!!) but I did a lot of crying in the loo in between ... The really embarrassing part is that I think I was complaining about HIS drinking and how it impacted on our relationship, how ironic is that!

Just wanted to say if any more of you can make our meetup next week, let us know on FB or otherwise so we can book or download special deal vouchers. Food will be two meals for £10 which is pretty good as their pizzas are amazing and normally cost £8 upwards each.

ladylush · 13/04/2009 23:14

Tanee - glad you had a great time in Seville Don't beat yourself up about the night you got drunk - think you're entitled to go off the rails once in a while especially when you are the solid, consistent one most of the time

Haven't been on here much lately but still think about everyone. I'm getting a big belly now. Still haven't had that energy surge that's supposed to come in the second trimester

Hope everyone has a nice time tomorrow I'll be at the doc with ds tomorrow morning(think he might have ringworm on his tummy) and he has tennis in the afternoon. Pizza sounds far more enjoyable

HappyWoman · 14/04/2009 07:50

Lush - i never got the energy rush, and if you already have lo you will not get it.

Tannee - i loved cordoba too - it was a long time ago but i remember it was somewhere i would love to return to.

See you later tonight.

ginnny · 14/04/2009 10:05

Hello everyone.
LL I never had an energy surge with ds2 either. Hope ds is OK.
Well I'm all raring to go for tonight. Ds1 is very cross with me because I took him on the last meet up and won't let him come on this one, especially when he saw that Lilybubble is taking her dd along.
I'm so looking forward to seeing you all again, but please forgive me if I keep calling you by your MN names!
x

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